Went out with DP and his children and my 2 DC tonight. His youngest was messing around with her DS and behaving badly ( IMO) and DP told her to stop a couple of times ( though not v forcefully ). We were just leaving and my DS did something to annoy him and he yelled ( very loudly ) at him to "stop it "! I am really angry and have told him not to contact me again tonight as I am so angry and need to work out where we go from here . Am I being unrrssonable ? He is normally so good and caring and great with my 2 and he is a great partner to me . But I am so cross as his youngest ( who often behaves in the way she did tonight ) yet he felt it was acceptable to yell at my DS ( who is normally well behaved ) am I over- reacting because I am feeling ill today or should I call it a day? We don't live together and only get together en masse once a year and I just feel he's spooky what should have been a lovely evening.
I'm still very angry ! Last night was meant to be a treat as my children are now away for a week with their dad . It's also that he felt it was ok to shout at mine while hai misbehave. He has a lot more to do with my children than I do with his, and I know it was an immediate response to something rather than a measured telling off. If my DS had done something dangerous or rude I would have been ok with it - he was just playing ;( think photo bombing ). !
Yes I think you are being over sensitive. He shouldn't have shouted at your son and clearly regrets it having given an unreserved apology. I suspect he was on edge because his kids were messing about and he was finding the whole thing stressful, whether your sons behaviour was the straw that broke the camels back or an indication of 'favouritism' only time (if you give it ) will tell.
You admit he is good and caring with your two, that is what you should focus on, for goodness sake if you think he is going to go through your kids growing up without shouting at them or having a grumpy moment you need to be dating a saint!!
Turn the scenario: How would you feel if you heard from your DC that your ex's partner was shouting at your DC. You would be furious. you wouldn't trust that person with your DC and you would also feel your ex wasn't looking out for their best interests.
He's telling you how he is. If you do decide to forgive and forget. Take heed you have been warned, but he WILL shout at your DC again. Don't think just because he apologised this time, he won't do it again. Its up to you how much you will tolerate.
You seemed more annoyed that he didn't chastise his own DC as much. Remember they are his own DC. He cares for them more obviously. He is never going to feel the same about your DC. He may care for them but he won't feel the same.
Both of you have the right to tell your own children, and each others, to behave. Sometimes, that will include shouting. Anyone in the parental role at the time, has that right. You wouldn't dream of leaving your kids with an Aunt and Uncle or their Grandparents and saying "if they misbehave, you must not tell them off".
I think what rubs here, is that he didn't shout at his own child, but did shout at yours. I suspect it had been boiling under all night, and he took it out on the wrong person. I've certainly done that. Found myself getting wound up and then exploding at something minor, as it's been the straw that broke the camels back.
I'm a bit confused as to why you only get together once a year though? If it's a big annual event, the kids are bound to be Hyper.