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Access - can he take them from airport?

(17 Posts)
ravenAK Thu 17-Dec-15 20:11:37

Hi. I'm currently working abroad, teaching, with my dc with me. I'm separated from an unpleasant STBXH.

It's all going really well, except that STBXH is continuing to be an awkward bugger.

I proposed time he could spend with dc on our imminent Xmas holiday in the UK. He agreed, I shared agreed dates with dc - all seemed fine.

He's now made it clear he will not honour our agreement, so I offered alternative dates which he is not happy with either.

He is proposing to turn up at the airport & create a scene.

I have a court order specifying that dc live with me, in our host country.

Can anyone tell me what will happen if he does actually rock up at the airport? It's all a bit fraught...<sigh>

Lweji Thu 17-Dec-15 20:14:46

If you have legal proof that you reside abroad, then he can try but won't achieve much.
Remind him that if he does kick off the only to suffer are his children and may lead to supervised contact.

ravenAK Thu 17-Dec-15 20:20:57

Thanks, that was my thinking.

Hadn't thought to mention supervised contact - he'd hate that. Might get him to back off, the tedious knobhead.

Honestly. You really do only get to know a man when you divorce him....

Toffeelatteplease Thu 17-Dec-15 20:22:50

Tell him the wrong flight details

FreeSpirit89 Thu 17-Dec-15 20:25:06

I'm with toffee.

Tell him the wrong airport!

queenofthepirates Thu 17-Dec-15 20:28:06

Can you check in online? If so, go through security 3 hours early and he won't be able to get to you.

ravenAK Thu 17-Dec-15 20:29:02

I wish I could! grin

I sent him all the details 2 months ago. All fine. Dc, to be fair, looking forward to seeing him. Me rather looking forward to a couple of weeks frolicking with friends. All good.

But no, Fuckwit4Justice has to suddenly decide he wants to move the goalposts, in a manner that would even have been fine if he'd said weeks ago so I could have juggled the flights. Grrrr.

ravenAK Thu 17-Dec-15 20:31:53

It's the arrivals in the UK where he's planning on swooping down on My Kids I Love Them You Know.

He's probably not quite stupid enough to believe in an airport switch!

Lweji Thu 17-Dec-15 20:43:04

I wonder if it would be possible to go and exit at another terminal.

Stick by the original agreement. Have it with you on paper and call the police/airport security if he kicks off.

Hissy Thu 17-Dec-15 22:31:36

Contact the police on your arrival and ask for assistance through the airport, they will escort you out of departures or something

Hissy Thu 17-Dec-15 22:32:21

Which airport? Could you get a transfer through from your terminal and come out of another?

ravenAK Fri 18-Dec-15 17:18:30

Well, I've now pointed out to him in no uncertain terms that I will have a copy of our court order in my handbag & if anyone accosts us in the airport, I will of course call on security to remove them.

The thought of being publicly carted off won't have appealed - his inner narrative is very much 'STBXW deranged psycho Bad Mother, me Superdad cruelly prevented from living with poor children whom I Really Love You Know.'

So I've had a rather chastened 'woe is me' reply begging me to change dates to a 'compromise' (which suits him, but cuts into dc's time with my dps...).

So I'll probably agree to that - I can sort something else out with my parents. He IS the dc's dad, even if he's a knobhead.

I just wish he didn't always put us through these pointless displays of chest beating & willy waving!

Thanks ladies. I'm pretty sure he's now back in his box...hmm

Hissy Fri 18-Dec-15 17:25:16

I'd point out to him that you have offered him 3 opportunities to be a decent parent and he has chosen not only not to be amenable, but to threaten you.

Point out to him fairly and squarely that if he so much as squeaks in your direction in future you won't even consider making any amendment to what suits you and those that are supportive and beneficial to you. Which currently does not appear to include him.

Let this be a threat you will go through with: threaten me again and you'll get what you're given.

Remember that idiots like this do this from a position of insignificance and inferiority, so all you have to do is stare him out and not blink.

Hissy Fri 18-Dec-15 17:26:45

Just imagine... If you were to have your parents come visit you.. There wouldn't be a trip to juggle him about with.

You have more power than you think. He doesn't respect you enough to think you'll use it.

Lweji Fri 18-Dec-15 18:14:52

Yes, definitely be very clear that accommodating him is a rare exception. That the children need reliability not having things constantly changing at the last minute.

ravenAK Fri 18-Dec-15 18:25:48

Oh the court order does allow for them to have a couple of weeks contact at Xmas (at my instigation - I want them to see their father & other relatives). So I'd be - rightly- in deep shit if I didn't bring them over!

What it doesn't allow him to do is dictate when/where the handovers will take place, or to agree to one set of dates then try to demand that I collect the kids from him a day later & several hundred miles away, necessitating another day's travelling.

I didn't blink grin.

Hissy Fri 18-Dec-15 21:16:49

It allows contact... Remember the wording... You can offer contact over Christmas, but does that mean you are compelled to bring them to the uk?

Good for you, sounds like you have the measure of him alright! smile

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