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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Online dating

26 replies

Belle89 · 17/12/2015 15:22

How soon is too soon to suggest meeting? And can you give away too many personal details? All a mine field at the moment lol

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flatbellyfella · 17/12/2015 18:28

I have never done OLD but would say,don't give away your personal details to anyone, until you are sure of who they really are. You are obviously looking to meet up with dates, so sooner or later you will have to say yes, to a coffee/ meal date, just play it close to your chest, & don't be railroaded into something you are not happy with. Good luck.

CherryPits · 17/12/2015 18:41

Meet in a very public place, like a coffee shop or a restaurant etc - not near your home, or a place you'd normally go to, go somewhere neutral.

Make sure someone you know and trust knows when and where you are going and has your date's name and number, email address etc.

This is probably the safest start. If a little overboard.

Supermanspants · 17/12/2015 19:26

Meet sooner rather than later. Certainly within a couple of weeks of initial contact. Avoid getting sucked into long, drawn out email/text/phone communication. You will almost certainly end up being disappointed when the 'spark' that seemed to exist while emailing, calling and texting is non existent when face to face.

Supermanspants · 17/12/2015 19:28

Oh. . . And I agree about meeting for a coffee as a first date. Meet for a meal and you could be stuck in a hellish date for possibly two courses. Keep it simple.

Belle89 · 17/12/2015 20:16

Thanks all looking like it'll be a beach walk, coffee stop in popular spot. I explained my job in convo and he said oh u must work at ...... I've set up their IT systems. Lol joys of living in Cornwall I did feel a little uneasy about that but never at work alone ect an I think he's genuine so far. Time will tell :-)

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pocketsaviour · 17/12/2015 21:15

I agree to meet early, you can waste time otherwise with people who just want to chat and not meet for real (which always makes me suspect they're married.)

Have a good time op, good luck!

ColdWhiteWinePlease · 17/12/2015 21:20

Meet sooner rather than later. Lots of married men on there that waste your time with on-line flirtations and never want to meet waste of time cocks

Belle89 · 17/12/2015 21:51

Lol thanks he's suggested meeting so I think for a coffee initially keep it fairly short. I'll know almost instantly, I either click with people that way or I'm just not interested. Maybe why I'm single haha. Going to see if we can agree a time this weekend, looking forward to it

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Belle89 · 17/12/2015 23:39

Oh no on 2nd thoughts he's added me on fb and he looks nothing like he does on his pof pics :-( disappointed already lol I give up :-/

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MadeMan · 18/12/2015 00:39

Don't give them your surname because they'll stalk you on Facebook. Actually, they'll probably secretly stalk you on Facebook anyway somehow; everyone does it.

CherryPits · 18/12/2015 02:18

I would cancel. If you're disappointed now, it will be worse in person. I had a few online dates, back in the early 2000's (god I'm old) and the best photos were usually attached to the most disappointing individuals who completely lacked any real charisma at all. And a few lied about their height. I'm not bothered and have dated men shorter than I am, so I just thought that was pathetic and wrote them off for it. There's no point saying you're 6 feet tall if you're 5'8 and there's a strong chance you'll meet up.

Belle89 · 18/12/2015 12:27

Yes I think I will. But how do I word it so as to not come across as totally shallow? He comes across as very immature on his fb too. Just don't think we're into the same things. Doesn't help I'm 26 but only seem get get serious with people a lot older ex husband 38 and ex partner of last 2 years just turned 41 lol

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flatbellyfella · 18/12/2015 16:00

Better to tell him the truth that you have had second thoughts about meeting him, as you are new to this dating process, & need more time to think of your direction in life.

CherryPits · 18/12/2015 20:23

Yes, just say you've changed your mind and wish him all the best, that you're giving online dating a break for a bit, or something.

pocketsaviour · 19/12/2015 11:17

"I've had a look at your FB and on second thoughts I just don't think we are suited, sorry. All the best, hope you find what you're looking for."

Don't bullshit and say you've realised you're not going to date - it'll be blatantly obvious you've lied when your profile is still active. And that won't put him off trying to contact you again saying "Are you ready to have that date now??"

Trills · 19/12/2015 11:43

I would definitely NOT say yes to someone on Facebook until I'd known them a while - and absolutely not before the first date.

Trills · 19/12/2015 11:43

You don't owe anyone a date - you can cancel at any time for any reason (and the same goes for them, they can cancel on you for any time if they wish).

CherryPits · 19/12/2015 14:11

Its hard though. I changed my mind on a few, and as polite as I was, I did sometimes get some very aggressive backlash.

pocketsaviour · 19/12/2015 15:25

That's what the #ByeFelipe Instagram is for ;)

Trills · 19/12/2015 15:37

When you get the aggressive backlash just for saying "not thanks", that's when you know that you made a good decision.

CherryPits · 19/12/2015 16:35

I know Trills, you're right. It scared me right off online dating that aspect. There were also one or two who "begged" which was just the saddest thing to witness. I think I deleted my account after the second one of those.

Belle89 · 20/12/2015 20:40

Outed one, I done the check him out in Facebook thing, easy to find as his username was pretty much his name. And pics the same! Married just last summer :-( what a rat!

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HandyWiseWoman · 20/12/2015 20:51

OMG

Belle89 · 20/12/2015 21:07

I know a story that will end in tears! It was so easy to find him so surely she will find out soon one way or another :-( and she looked stunning. He'll live to regret it lol

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CherryPits · 20/12/2015 22:12

oh that's horrible.

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