Exp is hellbent on destroying anything and everything about me. Over the last couple of days he has asked me questions i have answered him but he is adament i havent hes telling me i must be hearing voices in my head. He swears blind i havent said a word when i know i have. Hes told me i need professional help as im loosing it. He is twisting everything around on me blaming me for everything. Im worried i will end up cracking and having a breakdown.
I suspect this is not unusual. It happened to me to. I lost count of the times he told me I was "mentally unstable".
When I'm calm and happy I don't think about it. If I'm struggling with something memories of those accusations come back - they were very hurtful.
What helped me was to recognise that he was lashing out and looking to blame someone else when in fact he had triggered off our separation. I suppose it helped to discuss things with a sensible friend who could either help me laugh off some of the more ridiculous accusations and help me reason out some of the more insidious subtle ones.
I will watch others replies with interest as they may help me too.
Abuse. emotional abuse. Gaslighting. Dont defend yourself against his accusations. Stop answering his questions. He is succesfully making u believe you have to prove you are sane to him!!! You don't. And you dont answer to him. Have as little to do wih him as possible. Ignore texts. Dont bother to set him straight. If he is working towads undermining u in court on the grounds that you are"mad" talk to womens aid.
Yeah mine used to do that telling me I needed help and made me go to the doctors So when I started counselling and realised I was actually being abused it was a huge relief and that I was not going mad and it was all him so started the plan to leave.
Everything in writing. Contact book When he asks anything, have your phone, get busy, respond with "hold on, I'm just emailing you a copy of your question and the answer, given that your memory's gone to pot of late. I wouldn't want any misunderstanding or anything to be forgotten"
Do it EVERY time. When he calls you whichever name he finds insulting, keep reiterating that you are committed to ensuring that nothing is forgotten.
FOR EVERYTHING What clothes the kids have Everything:
He'll get sick of it but you are protecting yourself.
If he gets violent, call the police, and do it every time. YES he will be incandescent with white rage that you dared to call the police on him but you need to have proof that he is abusive. You have to stand up to him. He will be furious and you'll have to be just a little bit braver in the short term to call the police because it'll be like a flame to a petrol soaked rag, but in the longer term you are protecting yourself.
If you don't call the police he knows that you're colluding with his abuse, in a co-dependent way, defending yourself to him, still feeling bound to defend yourself, obligated to ''clear your name''.
If he gets aggressive, call the police. Please don't leave yourself open to a he said she said no proof of abuse nightmare in court which is what happened to me.