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NC with my mum and feeling sad at Xmas.

(6 Posts)
WhoTheFuckIsSimon Wed 16-Dec-15 16:16:03

Have been NC for what I consider to be good reasons since last April. People in MN have told me for years to go NC with her. Lots of nastiness, passive aggressive behaviour, slagged me off to dd and then denied it and said dd had mental health issues.

Ive had a couple of lengthy, nasty letters from her which I haven't responded to.

I did wonder if she would try and make amends over Xmas. Spoke to my brother yesterday.....he's also NC with her. Turns out she's sent a xmas card to my sil and nephew but not by brother. So they're obviously in the good books! Nobody here has had a xmas card, not me, not dd, not Dh. So I'm guessing we're all still literally of the xmas card list!

I should probably be glad......but I just guess this underlines that this is it. That she has no interest in trying to salvage our relationship like a normal mother would do.

Aussiebean Wed 16-Dec-15 16:29:09

It is hard to come to that realisation that they don't care enough. And Christmas and birthdays are really hard.

My ds was born this year and he got nothing. And I am low contact. So not even her only dd having a baby made her try.

I get it and I am sorry. Be sad for a little while then enjoy your Christmas with your family.

bobsalong Wed 16-Dec-15 16:40:14

I went NC with my parents this summer. The rest of the family took their side and seem to think me and DP are having some kind of teenage strop that we'll regret when we come to our senses (in our late 20s, parents are various forms of abusive).
Parents have decided to turn up at PILs house Christmas Eve with presents for DD, even though we have said its not appropriate for us to accept them. DD is too young to know or care about presents and has only met them four times, three times first month of her life.
I feel so on edge, so stressed and upset they can't respect what we've asked and just leave us alone. It's been utterly horrendous that they're determined to go through ILs to try and gain sympathy and get information we refuse to give them.
I know how hard it is, but maybe not hearing anything is better than getting anything and having it dragged out. Wishing you luck over Christmas flowers

ThisIsStillFolkGirl Wed 16-Dec-15 16:43:16

If you're nc, why do you want a Christmas card? Surely that would be contact.

I have been nc with my mother for nearly 4 years. She sends a card to my children on their birthdays and at Christmas. The children know, but they go unopened. She is not trying to make amends. She isn't allowed to, her behaviour has gone beyond that. She's doing it because she's reminding us she's still there.

Her contact is not welcomed.

Consider yourself lucky, unless you only went nc in the hope that she would prove she really loves you, of course.

Snarklepoo Wed 16-Dec-15 17:00:40

You must have posted this as I was writing a very similar thread. Totally recognise the feelings about finality and incomprehension at how a mother does this to a child. No words of wisdom, but you are in my thoughts.

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 16-Dec-15 19:29:07

Such people like your mother need and want to be right all the time; they do not make amends because they are at heart emotionally unhealthy and unavailable individuals. It is NOT your fault she is like this; you did not make her that way. Her own family of origin did that.

You do not need her in your life; she bought nothing positive into it. You do not need a card from her you really do not.

Do look and post on the Stately Homes thread, that could well help you as well.

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