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This is getting to me

(4 Posts)
Amelia756 Tue 15-Dec-15 21:59:54

So I have been with my partner for 6 years. I love him a lot however 3 years ago he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, he subsequently developed an eating disorder because he found that not eating helped stabilise his moods. We both used to have good jobs and a great life. Initially he was unable to work. He now has a part time delivery job.
It has been a challenge coping with his issues - however we were both determined to make things work and it is getting (slowly) easier.

What has not helped is my mum's attitude. I am an only child and we have no other family. I was living on my own for the past few years with my partner coming to visit. We were hoping to move in together when we were ready. I moved back in with my mum to help her out - because she was lonely and needed help as she was getting older. Whilst I want to eventually marry and live with my partner, I was working on dealing with his illness and he was working on recovery for a bit longer - before we took the step to move in together. I also have important exams coming up at work which I wanted to get out the way first.

For the past 3 years, my mum has made it very difficult for me to speak to or see my partner. I am afraid to move out because I am worried about how she will cope alone. However, I have been kept up til 2am in the past when I had work the next day - just because I spoke to him on the phone for too long. I have had my phone taken from me when she is angry, my bank transactions checked, she checks how many texts I send him. I have heard her call him all the names under the sun. She says that the stress will kill her and sometimes doesn't get out of bed for hours some days. She also has genuine physical health problems and needs help. I am 28 years old. I am aware that his issues will be difficult to live with but I love him and I need support or at least to be left to deal with things my self, not obstruction. It is difficult enough not knowing what the future will hold - without all this drama. I really need her and him to get on.

pocketsaviour Tue 15-Dec-15 22:03:33

Has your mum always been manipulative and jealous of your love?

hellsbellsmelons Wed 16-Dec-15 11:40:06

Wow - take back control of your life.
You are 28!! Your mum does NOT get to confiscate your phone.
She really really doesn't. It's basically theft.
I know you feel like you want to help her but she is very manipulative and very toxic indeed.
You need to get away from her and fast.
Please google FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) and maybe try reading THIS or something similar.
She is controlling and abusing you and you cannot remain in that environment.
I totally agree that living with someone with bipolar must be very difficult at times. But if it is controlled with drugs there is no reason why you can't have a loving and healthy relationship.
Please plan to get away.

maybebabybee Wed 16-Dec-15 11:49:04

I don't usually throw this word around but your mother is abusive. Do you have other family or close friends you can seek support from? You are 28 years old and she has no right to treat you this way. I am very close to my mum and supportive of her but it is not right for your mum to expect you to live this way. Please try to seek some RL support as I think it is really needed - you need to get away flowers

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