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Dealing with abusive text messages

(15 Posts)
ohdearymeee Tue 15-Dec-15 11:36:48

How do you deal with abusive text messages from ex? I try to ignore but some of the things really grate me. Last month after a load of messages he said sorry and wanted to be amicable so I agreed but then last night I had a load more! Hes now resorted to slandering me and my new partner to my 9 yr old - which I find disgraceful.

We've been living apart for 7 months and I told him it was over 12 months ago - do I go ahead with divorce (was waiting 2 yr option) as I'm just sick of this all the time?

Threefishys Tue 15-Dec-15 11:40:47

Block him. He will slander you to your child you can't control it - ignore it. If you liked each other you'd still be together this unfortunately part and parcel of being exes.

KinkyAfro Tue 15-Dec-15 11:42:09

Yep, block him or report him to the police

LaurieLemons Tue 15-Dec-15 11:44:12

Tell him you don't want to hear another nasty word from him and if he continues you will block him and go through a contact centre for your DC (assuming he is the father which is why you haven't blocked him?)

pocketsaviour Tue 15-Dec-15 11:45:44

Do you have a relative who would be available for any genuine contact from him, e.g. short notice change of contact arrangements? Your mum perhaps? If so, tell him to contact your mum/brother/sister/dad in future if he needs to discuss your child contact. Then block his number.

And yes I'd go ahead with the divorce.

ohdearymeee Tue 15-Dec-15 12:11:36

Thanks, I feel like he's trying to alienate my kids against me because he's lonely. He's text my older daughter (not his) asking if she going to his house xmas day even though he never normally includes her in his plans.. makes me mad..

goodcompany2 Tue 15-Dec-15 12:18:24

Report to police. No need to warn him assuming he is a fully functioning adult he will know that it is unacceptable and the police will follow it up once reported.

Your daughter is a minor and they take a dim view of such behaviour. Know this from personal experience unfortunately.

AttilaTheMeerkat Tue 15-Dec-15 12:36:31

Go ahead with the divorce asap and report your ex to the police.

He is not trying to alienate your children out of any feelings of loneliness; he is doing this to get back at you as punishment for leaving him.

ColdWhiteWinePlease Tue 15-Dec-15 12:44:07

I'd definitely change your dc's phone number. And don't reply to nasty messages - don't allow the channel of communication to be opened. Save them, in case he steps things up and you do end up having to report him.

ElBurroSinNombre Tue 15-Dec-15 12:48:37

My ex has done this to me for years - including when she thought we were happily married. I am at the stage when I chuckle about it now - like the time I received an email with the title 'You c**thead' whilst I was demonstrating some software to my boss. A little window appeared in the bottom of the screen with the title in - it's really quite funny.
I did learn how to deal with it after a while and now it's much easier as in the past it did get to me - I actually went to the police at one stage but only for advice rather than to make them do something. I generally don't read them, unless I think they are about arrangements for our kids. I can tell the abusive ones because they tend to be quite long. I almost never reply except to make practical arrangements about the kids - I certainly do not reply to any abusive messages. My messages are consise and to the point and I do not get personal ever. As a result the abuse has got less and less (as she can see I am not reacting) and eventually we may even start interacting like adults do - which is what I hope for one day for the sake of my children. If I didn't have children I would have blocked her a long time ago but i don't have that option. Things have improved a lot as time goes on but I try to never let my guard down.

goodcompany2 Tue 15-Dec-15 12:52:32

In order for police to act you have to not engage in the to and fro of texts etc. One text saying telling him you do not want further texts as you feel harassed. Then ignore further communication. Keep a log of everything he does and says in a notebook and report.

Is contact with the DC according to clear predetermined arrangements or ad hoc. You need to think of how this is to be handled. Can your last text to him include the number of a relative or similar so that he has no further need to contact you directly?

This may make things nastier in the short term but it's like ripping off a plaster. It's better in the long run to establish clear, respectful boundaries but it's not easy sometimes for this type of man to accept that he no longer wields the power. He won't like it at all but you will enjoy living a life without fear and upset. Hugs,

ohdearymeee Tue 15-Dec-15 13:19:51

Thanks for everyones advise x

RaptorsCantPlayPoker Tue 15-Dec-15 13:33:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Threefishys Tue 15-Dec-15 14:09:41

It is in my experience. My ex has the harrassment caution to prove it. I suppose it was a broad stroke - what I actually meant was you're not going to be best friends as exes or even particularly civil - it does happen but it's rare. Essentially if there were no children involved this is two people who no longer want to know each other. Of course it's not going to be particularly pleasant. Of course it's not acceptable - thats where blocking and reporting comes in.

ohdearymeee Tue 15-Dec-15 14:14:34

He's angry at me; I know that, but we are over a year down the line and 7 mths separated. Before last night he was sending me texts saying he wants me for xmas - I ignore most texts but some are just so harsh, I should just ignore them..

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