I am new to this and wanted to find somewhere to ask a question anonymously.
I have been married nearly 11 years and have two children aged 7 & 9. My 7 year old is a girl and i am worried about the future for her.
My husband gives me the general impression that he doesn't like me very much. He's not abusive or even nasty and we never argue but he just doesn't talk to me or really have anything to do with me. We live practically separate lives and he knows very little about my life. I ran my own money and he has a well paid job and pays our mortgage and bills etc.
However, he seems to like to have sex with me still. This is something he does generally without my consent, (i say i don't want to but I'm perhaps I'm not forceful enough). This is in no way a love making exercise, it's just him fulfilling his 'need' and using me in order to do this (or at least that's how i feel). I dread going to bed as in not sure if he'll want to do it or not. There is no kissing or touching etc involved. I can't remember the last time we kissed and if we accidentally touch in day to day life it feels really awkward. I'm sure he thinks it's his way of showing me how much he does love me, but i don't feel like that. I struggle to talk to him about it as he flies off the handle very easily and says that on being really horrible to him saying such awful things.
I spoke to my mum a bit about this and she said to me that that's what marriage is like. All women have to put up with that, it's part of what is involved in being married. Why did she not tell me this a long time ago? I feel like i want to tell my daughter that is what will happen to her to allow her to make the decision whether she wants to get married or not. I know she's only 7 but i don't want her to go through this. What should i do? Put her off getting married this early or let her believe the fairytale until she's older?
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Relationships
should i tell my daughter the truth about marriage?
Lilipops · 14/12/2015 17:10
Erm... Your husband is raping you.
Certainly your mother is very very wrong.
But it would so be wrong to tell your daughter to expect the same. Teach her instead to not accept this sort of shit. A good first lesson would be to do that by getting rid of the awful man you are married to.
Please repost or have this thread moved to relationships. There are loads of lovely people who can help you tackle this in a safe way. 
Oh no, this isn't what marriage should be 
he's raping you. That isn't ok or normal or to be expected.
Marriage and relationships aren't fairy tales but there should never be any abuse.
What you describe is NOT 'the truth about marriage'
You are married to a shit and you deserve better 
Ummm- not all marriages are like that. We have been married 16 years, while it's not all roses and galloping on unicorns, DH and I still go out together and chat. Sex is certainly much less frequent due to tiredness, but it is still fulfilling for us both. We kiss daily.
Please don't tell her to expect a marriage with non-consentual sex- that's just rape by another name. She deserves better- and so do you.
It may have been what people had to put up with until the 1990s when rape in marriage was made illegal (though I'm sure 1000s didn't put up with it).
My and DH have drifted apart since having kids and have partly separate lives but he has never, ever forced himself on me and would be appalled at the thought.
You need to get yourself and your kids away from this situation.
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