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Not sure what to do

(7 Posts)
twosugars Sun 13-Dec-15 23:55:22

I am feeling very low and just can't seem to see a way out and how things are ever going to get better.
In a nutshell, I have had a tough year, splitting from abusive ex, and seem to be in the process of going LC/NC with my parents who are extremely emotionally abusive. (they are cutting me out rather than the other way around. They are punishing me & I think they are ashamed of me). I have a small dc.
Have not been myself for over a year and have been slowly cutting myself off from friends etc. Just in survival mode really. On ADs.

Christmas is making me feel down. My ex oh's family want me to stay with them for xmas. They are being very nice about it. The alternative would be me staying at home with ds and ex oh. That was the original plan.
So many people really want me to go to ex inlaws. So I feel that I am letting people down if I don't (including ds who will most probably have a ball at theirs).
But it would be like playng happy families when it is not happy families. I would feel like an idiot.
But because I am feeling so crap and i am going to have to spend it with ex oh anyway even if I don't go, I am now thinking sod it I may aswell go to his family. What's the difference? It will probably be ok anyway because ds will be with me and he will love it. And I do get on with his family there is a lot of history.
The other alternative is to just let ex oh take ds to inlaws for xmas and then spend it on my own so that everyone gets what they want and I can just see ds as soon as he gets back.

Sorry I know this sound really rambling and probably sounds a bit odd but I just wondered if anyone could offer any advice, thank you.

CalleighDoodle Mon 14-Dec-15 00:00:02

If your ex's gmaily aant you there and you want to, go. Relax.

gamerchick Mon 14-Dec-15 00:00:27

Quite honestly I don't think you should spend it alone. I don't know if the exs family is the right place though but if you get on with them it might be ok.

What would you do if you did wave the pair of them off and you're by yourself?

OhBeloved Mon 14-Dec-15 00:07:42

Spending xmas with ex? How does that work. Sounds like a recipe for disaster. Could he take ds for an hour or two to his family then bring ds back for the rest of the day with you?

The main thing is to forget trying to please everyone else and just do what's best for you.

twosugars Mon 14-Dec-15 00:11:42

Thanks for your replies. To be honest i wouldn't like to spend it on my own, and wouldnt want to be without ds. So thats not going to happen.
I would have a nice time with ex in laws, i know that. They are very supportive and care about me.
I guess i am just getting myself worked up about what is the right thing to do in the circumstances.

twosugars Mon 14-Dec-15 00:17:34

There is no way ex oh would even consider not spending the day with ds, and i do accept that. Family live too far away to pop in unforunately.

OhBeloved Mon 14-Dec-15 00:40:56

You've said your ex is abusive. Do NOT even consider spending time with him. He's an ex for a reason.

Also it is confusing for your ds for you to be spending days together when you've split, never mind it being really bad for your mental health.

No wonder you are feeling low.

Your ex doesn't get to dictate what happens on xmas day. You both need to compromise over it and agree something that is fair.

Half the day each sounds fair to me. Or you get xmas day, your ex boxing day/xmas eve. And alternate next year.

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