Is anyone around to talk to me gently?

[Patheticfallacy]

I'm feeling a bit odd. I'm supposed to take anti depressants but I kept forgetting and haven't for a while. I've the most lovely boyfriend who is amazing. I should be happy. I am a lot of the time. I had my work Xmas party on Fri and I drank too much and behaved like an idiot. I remember wanting to talk to random men just for attention. I'd never cheat or anything like that and I always tell my bf things, but I feel ashamed anyway.
I keep thinking he's too good for me, he's going to leave me, I'm horrible and worthless and a drunken fool etc etc. I have this really nasty voice that keeps saying awful things in my mind and I'm all on my own tonight feeling bad

[Patheticfallacy]

No I'm only mild to moderately depressed and usually function v well. I barely have any contact with my gp and I don't have a key worker

[Patheticfallacy]

The problem I have is picking up the prescription and when I feel ok I don't think to get any. I know that sounds silly now. Also I cannot cope with hangovers. They really really bring out a depression that can last a fairly long time. I know all this and think I just need a bit of online company for a bit as it's a lonely place sometimes.

[sleepwhenidie]

quite apart from the absence of your AD's, alcohol can horrible for creating these feelings, it is a depressant and anyone prone to anxiety should avoid it because of the awful way it makes you feel. Take a nice cup of tea to bed, try to remember these feelings should pass like a hangover, lots of people have them when they drink. Then if they are lingering tomorrow, go get some RL help.

[frustratedashell]

Hello , sorry you feel like that. Depression does do that to you. I would suggest that you put a reminder in your phone to remind you to take your anti depressants. They will help if you take them regularly. Re the amazing boyfriend, and you thinking you should be happy. It doesn't work like that. My daughter has depression and a very supportive boyfriend but she can still have bad days. Do try and take your pills and try to gave some counselling too. I also have depression so I do understand. Hope you soon feel better

[Patheticfallacy]

Thank you. I can be a complete idiot and I feel v angry with myself. He's lovely but I don't like to burden him with this.

[sleepwhenidie]

I x posted with you op, but you recognise the effects yourself, maybe think twice next time you fancy a drink - is it worth it? (I'm not anti/drinking generally but when it makes you feel so miserable I think it isn't a great plan)

[Greebosmum]

Hello. Depression is a horrible, horrible thing. I am also on anti-depressants, but when I feel OK I forget to take them, or pick up my prescription.

My DD has Bi-polar and is awful for this. I have decided that I need to keep an eye on her prescriptions so I now sort out the prescription towards the end of the month, pick them up for her and fingers crossed that she takes them.

Maybe you could organise someone to do that for you? Could you organise someone to do it for me at the same time please?

Does your surgery provide any form of counselling? I have been on a few courses which have been helpful. I think you probably need to go every few months, otherwise you forget the techniques they teach you.

Good luck

[Patheticfallacy]

I don't always get like this, but probably not no. I think it's worse with colleagues as you feel a bit less safe with people who don't really love you. I'm not too bad normally. I don't like losing control and it's triggered off old eating disorder tendencies

[frustratedashell]

I think you should "burden" him, surely he will want to be there for you? Put yourself in his shoes, how would you feel if someone didn't tell you about something that was making them unhappy? I would feel disappointed that you hadn't told me so I could be supportive

[sleepwhenidie]

Don't beat yourself up...you were a bit silly but you didn't do anything wrong. Turn it around, what if he'd done the same thing, how would you react? I think you are probably giving yourself a much harder time than you would dream of giving him .

[hefzi]

That voice is your illness talking: I have ruined so many relationships by listening to it that I don't date any more - and haven't for years. Depression is a bastard for making you believe things that aren't true.

I put my tablets by my bed (I have a cute little box they all live in) and take them when I get into bed at night: a routine helps (though mine have a bit of a short half life or whatever it's called, and if I forget for whatever reason, I know about it by the following day!). When it comes to filling prescriptions - can you get your repeats transferred to wherever you do your food shopping, if there's a chemist there? Or to a place that's really close to work? Making it easy to pick up makes it a lot harder to forget, I've found - I feel bad, because I moved mine from an independent pharmacy to Asda, but it makes it much less stressful to collect, as I don't have to do it between 9 and 5 Monday to Friday etc

Also - this is something I have never managed, BUT - there's a school of thought that says you ought to avoid drinking whilst taking ADs: I've never been clear why, but it might be worth considering, if you are finding that it's a problem. I'm not a big drinker - perhaps once every four to six weeks - but even so, I feel like I have little enough pleasures as it is: but I know people who are religious about not doing so and do seem all the better for it. Despite this, I doubt you behaved like an idiot - when you're crushingly lousy, you always think you've been worse than you have, and probably, no-one even noticed: they probably thought you were the life and soul! But have you thought about asking your GP to be referred for counselling at all? It might be helpful for quieting that lying voice.

Hang in there, anyway: it's not your fault, and you're not alone

[Patheticfallacy]

I don't know who would do that bit that would really help. I've had cbt and I have a private counsellor I'm going to see for the first time in ages tomorrow.
I feel bad that somehow I ended up showing a more senior colleague a pic on my phone that I shouldn't have. He was making jokes and banter and wanted me to show more photos I feel vulnerable now. My bf knows as I told him and he's ok, but I feel absolutely sickened and weirdly a bit violated

[Patheticfallacy]

I do have a chemist where my prescription gets delivered to, I found one solitary tablet I've just taken and I'll reorder.
I feel all shaky and ashamed

[Patheticfallacy]

I'm OK having a glass or even a few with my best friends or bf. It's big social occasion with people I'm not as close to where it can be risky for me mentally.

[frustratedashell]

I'm glad you're seeing a counsellor tomorrow. That's great. Hopefully that will help. Goodnight I hope you manage to get some sleep x

[Patheticfallacy]

Thank you. I am tired but just lying awake.

[GoldenSpaceCadet]

Hello lovely, please look after yourself and make yourself number 1 priority. We only have one life and you deserve to have a good quality of life and if anti depressants help you must take them every day. I also have anxiety/depression and antidepressants have transformed my outlook from grey with clouds to a lovely pink with sunshine

[Patheticfallacy]

Thank you golden, I will try. Glad they helped you. I am tired of living on edge and waiting for disaster all the time

[GoldenSpaceCadet]

Yes that's exactly how I felt! If one of your friends/family felt ill/down you would look after them and be kind to them so treat yourself how you would treat them

[Justaboy]

Patheticfallacy Please do not get yourself down over this I have not suffered from it my frist wife did and i have a very good idea what i can be like. OK you might have done a few naff things but there was poster here recently who did a silly thing with the office party and phone so don't loose any sleep over that one. Your BF if he's as kind and loving I'm sure you can lean on him a bit for support as I expect you do.

Lay off the drink a bit ISTR that some types of anti depressant are more booze problematic than others ask your GP and DO NOT be reluctant to ask its what there're there for! I'm sure they can suggest a way of taking your medicines better too!

Do see your counsellor that will be good for you and do keep posting to MN there are some very understanding people here who have been through what your going through.

Now God bless and good night:-)

nb: do change that user name i'm sure you deserve a better one;)

[ImtheChristmasCarcass]

I'm saying this as a mum of a son with PTSD and depression. You must make taking your meds a priority. Just as a diabetic must take their insulin every day no matter what, so must you take your anti-Ds. DS struggles with this, too, and it's immediately noticeable to us when he's failed to get his refilled.

I know it's hard to think that you need them when you're feeling great, but you do.

[Patheticfallacy]

Thank you so much.
Justaboy it actually really helps to know I'm not the only daft one at office parties. Yes he really is amazing but then I start worrying about what I'd do without him. I also replay things in my head an sort of have a little video of how awful I think I am playing. I'm sure counselling would help. I was scared you'd all think I was awful