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selfish friend - need to rant

(12 Posts)
FedUpWithJudgementalPeople Sun 13-Dec-15 22:01:30

It was a friends birthday recently - a significant birthday- so a small group of us went on a trip away to Barcelona.
As well as spending 100's of pounds on the trip itself I bought her a present which cost about £40.
While on the trip she splurged on herself - treated herself to lots of stuff (designer stuff). I would estimate she must have spent about £2000 on herself in the space of a few days.
My birthday is a few days after hers - not a significant birthday, so I wasn't necessarily expecting a present - but despite all the effort I made for her she didn't even buy me a card. Same thing happened last year. There are some other issues with her also although she has been a good/fun friend over the years.
AIBU to be sitting here thinking that the fact that she didn't manage to even spend £2 on a card for me in the context of a weekend away where she spent literally thousands on herself is a bit revolting. Am literally feeling a bit disgusted by all the conspicuous consumption. confused
Have just started to wonder whether this is the sort of person I want to hang out with.

bodenbiscuit Sun 13-Dec-15 22:05:32

If the friendship is one sided then it's not a friendship is it? It's very mean of her to not buy you a present or card when you make a big fuss of her on her birthday. Does she do this every year? Is there some reason why she might have forgotten?

FedUpWithJudgementalPeople Sun 13-Dec-15 22:11:26

She's done it the last two years.
I don't really know why - but I would say she has become more and more self absorbed of recent.
I think she would say that I'm one of her closest friends but I'm feeling a bit over it.
Her actions don't match her words, basically. Just disappointing.

bodenbiscuit Sun 13-Dec-15 22:14:05

I think in any relationship actions speak louder than words. Don't spend time with someone who is making you feel bad. She does sound very selfish.

GoldenSpaceCadet Sun 13-Dec-15 22:18:17

Hmm I understand how you feel, it's very disappointing and you don't feel very valued do you? I've struggled with this myself over the years. I have a friend who is great fun and someone I love spending time with, I always acknowledged her birthday with a card and small but thoughtful present. When it was my birthday she didn't reciprocate. I now don't send cards to her so I don't feel hurt when I don't receive one off her. We continue to have a great friendship and I'm so glad to had that now birthdays are no longer an issue for me.

Cabrinha Sun 13-Dec-15 22:30:06

Has she always sent you cards in the past?

I never exchange cards with my best friend. But occasionally one of us will see a perfect postcard and send it. That's why I think she's great.

If you usually get a card I understand your annoyance. But I think it's a bit harsh with the "conspicuous consumption" comment. Her money, her choice, and I wouldn't judge a friend for doing it even though I'm not like that - because surely it's not the only aspect of her?

I don't think the money you spent going Barcelona is relevant. You spent it on you, not her!

FedUpWithJudgementalPeople Sun 13-Dec-15 22:48:30

Yeah I think I will probably just not bother doing cards or presents going forward.

Cabrinha - I probably am being harsh, you're right. I find it hard to reconcile someone being so generous to themselves but not to others.

springydaffs Sun 13-Dec-15 22:51:52

I have 'friends' who are great fun - but I wouldn't trust them further than I could throw them. They are selfish and self-absorbed - but tremendous good fun. So it's my choice whether I choose to hang out with them.

If I'm feeling fragile I steer clear. I don't expect anything from them and don't bust a gut for them either - waste of time. They are not my true friends, they're good company, that's all. Like a good book - which is how they treat me.

If you can hack that then go ahead; if not then knock it on the head. I doubt she'd notice much, she'd probably move on to someone else who is 'good company'.

FedUpWithJudgementalPeople Sun 13-Dec-15 23:00:03

Springydaffs - yes. This is good advice. Need to take her as I find her but not put myself out for her any more.

neolara Sun 13-Dec-15 23:00:23

I can see you are hurt but people do have different ideas about cards. My friends rarely give each cards and no one bats an eyelid. Not getting a card doesn't mean anythinv. I guess the issue is that for you, cards are important so you see not getting a card as a big deal.

FedUpWithJudgementalPeople Sun 13-Dec-15 23:10:37

I do see what you are saying neolara - I just think it's thoughtful to give / receive a card.
We made a massive fuss over her bd but mine is completely over looked by her most years. For example even when it's not a significant birthday she'll expect to go for a fancy meal out etc. This is never billed as a joint birthday celebration - it's for her birthday only (birthdays are 2 days apart). I just don't know if I can be arsed with it any more.

CakeMountain Sun 13-Dec-15 23:17:09

If actions don't match words, that speaks volumes. You have another ten years to make up your mind, but I think you know where you are going with this one unless she is spectacularly nice to you soon!

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