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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Ex's partner is expecting twins

119 replies

Elendon · 13/12/2015 21:05

He's going to be 52 and she is will be 44 when they have them. Her first children, his 4th and 5th. His eldest child will be 24 on the birth, the youngest 14 going on 15. He became abusive towards me when I was expecting my first, it was emotional abuse, then he had an affair after the second birth. They are a wealthy couple and have by way of a salve to the children we share, have bought (well she has) a big house to accommodate them all. The children have no intentions of going - though I don't care if they do. What is he thinking? His youngest child is autistic.

I just feel so sorry for her. I thought they were the perfect couple. Could forgive the upheaval to the family when they fell for each other. He promised no more children in fact he had a vasectomy at 38. But although I think this is the beginning of the end of their relationship, my children have said to me to please never take him back. They are not happy. (I'm just laughing!).

What do I say to my children?

OP posts:

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LynetteScavo · 13/12/2015 21:09

I'm a bit confused.

Why aren't the children happy?

Elendon · 13/12/2015 21:11

They are not happy their father is having more children.

OP posts:

Whoknewitcouldbeso · 13/12/2015 21:12

I don't really understand either 😕

Elendon · 13/12/2015 21:12

I think it's the punishment he so deserves. Especially twins.

OP posts:

PrettyBrightFireflies · 13/12/2015 21:12

I think you say nothing.

Your DCs are in their teens. They have two parents. This is for their father to share with them. As they don't currently visit him at home, they won't be directly affected.

Do they spend any time with him or is it only indirect contact?

PreAdvent13610 · 13/12/2015 21:14

I think you are a little over invested in their relationship.

AliceInUnderpants · 13/12/2015 21:14

What has his youngest child being autistic have to do with it? Parents of autistic children can have other children, you know?!
From her age and the fact that it's twins, would suggest to me there may be a chance they have had extra help with conception, in which case bloody well good for her if this is a pregnancy that she has yearned for.

You don't say anything to the children, let him.

FinnMcCool · 13/12/2015 21:16

I agree you say nothing. It's for him, not you.
Refuse to be drawn on the subject when they are told, other than to reiterate you are not having him back.

Why do your kids think you are having him back? Sounds like you talk too much about him.

AliceInUnderpants · 13/12/2015 21:16

punishment he deserves WTAF? You think children are a punishment? Good for yours, then!

Potatoface2 · 13/12/2015 21:18

did he have his vasectomy reversed then??....or ivf....whatever, they must have been planned...so why is it punishment to him...i dont understand

Rivercam · 13/12/2015 21:19

I think you need to explain that their dad and his partner are going to start a family together, and they will have new siblings.

Having children is not a punishment. As Alice has said, the partner may have wanted a child for ages, and at last got pregnant. She will probably find it tough at times, being a elder mum, , and with twins, but I hope they bring her joy.

You sound a bit resentful he is moving on with his life.

Stimpack · 13/12/2015 21:22

You sound bitter OP.

Waltermittythesequel · 13/12/2015 21:23

What??

There's so much wrong with this.

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 13/12/2015 21:23

I expect the main thing stopping them being a perfect couple is your weirdy attitude to them. She probably feels sorry for you too. Sorry that you are so eaten up with bitterness you find it funny that your own children are less than pleased they are going to have half siblings.

Elendon · 13/12/2015 21:25

It's as this. The children think he's a dickhead. I think he's delusional.

So how does he reconcile his children with me to this. I couldn't care less. But I do resent the poverty he put forward on the divorce settlement. Yet he's had the money to fund a reversal, and ivf treatment, which wasn't mentioned.

OP posts:

Riderontheswarm · 13/12/2015 21:26

Why are you 'just laughing?'. Why do you feel sorry for them? They are having 2 babies. They are probably delighted.

magoria · 13/12/2015 21:27

Perhaps she paid for it?

Waltermittythesequel · 13/12/2015 21:27

You just said she bought a big house so maybe she paid for it.

Get over yourself. And maybe teach your children not to be so horrible and self-involved.

Costacoffeeplease · 13/12/2015 21:28

What a strange post - unless they expect you to pay for the twins, or bring them up, it's not really anything to do with you

Costacoffeeplease · 13/12/2015 21:29

So how does he reconcile his children with me to this.

What?

PotteringAlong · 13/12/2015 21:31

Twins aren't a punishment...

Elendon · 13/12/2015 21:32

The children are not happy. He told them about this in a restaurant whilst they were having a coffee break from Christmas shopping. He lives over 200 miles away.

He certainly is moving on and having a new life and I do hope it works out well for them. But I fear it won't.

They want nothing to do with them, but I have said that wait until the time comes. New babies always bring about conciliation. But he has form. Sorry, but I just can't stop laughing about it. He caused me so much pain.

OP posts:

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Cabrinha · 13/12/2015 21:33

Was she an OW? Trying to work out where this bitterness is coming from.

If he'd had a vasectomy, these are planned babies. Even the twins element is a calculated risk as it's IVF, so both planned / wanted.

If he faked less money than he has during divorce, he's an arsehole. But if she paid for the fertility related treatment, it's lucky for him and nothing to do with your settlement.

Her buying a bigger house to accommodate her stepchildren doesn't sound like a 'salve' but a generous inclusive move.

Waltermittythesequel · 13/12/2015 21:35

Laughing about what, exactly?

You think his dc are a fitting punishment?

Your dc, one of whom is 24 (??) aren't happy?

You all sound like knobs! What is going on?

Elendon · 13/12/2015 21:35

Well they are his children and he brought them up with me in their formative years. Maybe the self involvement came from him?

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