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Ex's partner is expecting twins

(120 Posts)
Elendon Sun 13-Dec-15 21:05:11

He's going to be 52 and she is will be 44 when they have them. Her first children, his 4th and 5th. His eldest child will be 24 on the birth, the youngest 14 going on 15. He became abusive towards me when I was expecting my first, it was emotional abuse, then he had an affair after the second birth. They are a wealthy couple and have by way of a salve to the children we share, have bought (well she has) a big house to accommodate them all. The children have no intentions of going - though I don't care if they do. What is he thinking? His youngest child is autistic.

I just feel so sorry for her. I thought they were the perfect couple. Could forgive the upheaval to the family when they fell for each other. He promised no more children in fact he had a vasectomy at 38. But although I think this is the beginning of the end of their relationship, my children have said to me to please never take him back. They are not happy. (I'm just laughing!).

What do I say to my children?

LynetteScavo Sun 13-Dec-15 21:09:54

I'm a bit confused.

Why aren't the children happy?

Elendon Sun 13-Dec-15 21:11:21

They are not happy their father is having more children.

Whoknewitcouldbeso Sun 13-Dec-15 21:12:19

I don't really understand either 😕

Elendon Sun 13-Dec-15 21:12:31

I think it's the punishment he so deserves. Especially twins.

PrettyBrightFireflies Sun 13-Dec-15 21:12:55

I think you say nothing.

Your DCs are in their teens. They have two parents. This is for their father to share with them. As they don't currently visit him at home, they won't be directly affected.

Do they spend any time with him or is it only indirect contact?

PreAdvent13610 Sun 13-Dec-15 21:14:10

I think you are a little over invested in their relationship.

AliceInUnderpants Sun 13-Dec-15 21:14:17

What has his youngest child being autistic have to do with it? Parents of autistic children can have other children, you know?!
From her age and the fact that it's twins, would suggest to me there may be a chance they have had extra help with conception, in which case bloody well good for her if this is a pregnancy that she has yearned for.

You don't say anything to the children, let him.

FinnMcCool Sun 13-Dec-15 21:16:21

I agree you say nothing. It's for him, not you.
Refuse to be drawn on the subject when they are told, other than to reiterate you are not having him back.

Why do your kids think you are having him back? Sounds like you talk too much about him.

AliceInUnderpants Sun 13-Dec-15 21:16:59

punishment he deserves WTAF? You think children are a punishment? Good for yours, then!

Potatoface2 Sun 13-Dec-15 21:18:16

did he have his vasectomy reversed then??....or ivf....whatever, they must have been planned...so why is it punishment to him...i dont understand

Rivercam Sun 13-Dec-15 21:19:42

I think you need to explain that their dad and his partner are going to start a family together, and they will have new siblings.

Having children is not a punishment. As Alice has said, the partner may have wanted a child for ages, and at last got pregnant. She will probably find it tough at times, being a elder mum, , and with twins, but I hope they bring her joy.

You sound a bit resentful he is moving on with his life.

Stimpack Sun 13-Dec-15 21:22:42

You sound bitter OP.

Waltermittythesequel Sun 13-Dec-15 21:23:00

What??

There's so much wrong with this.

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark Sun 13-Dec-15 21:23:12

I expect the main thing stopping them being a perfect couple is your weirdy attitude to them. She probably feels sorry for you too. Sorry that you are so eaten up with bitterness you find it funny that your own children are less than pleased they are going to have half siblings.

Elendon Sun 13-Dec-15 21:25:38

It's as this. The children think he's a dickhead. I think he's delusional.

So how does he reconcile his children with me to this. I couldn't care less. But I do resent the poverty he put forward on the divorce settlement. Yet he's had the money to fund a reversal, and ivf treatment, which wasn't mentioned.

Riderontheswarm Sun 13-Dec-15 21:26:08

Why are you 'just laughing?'. Why do you feel sorry for them? They are having 2 babies. They are probably delighted.

magoria Sun 13-Dec-15 21:27:05

Perhaps she paid for it?

Waltermittythesequel Sun 13-Dec-15 21:27:09

You just said she bought a big house so maybe she paid for it.

Get over yourself. And maybe teach your children not to be so horrible and self-involved.

Costacoffeeplease Sun 13-Dec-15 21:28:04

What a strange post - unless they expect you to pay for the twins, or bring them up, it's not really anything to do with you

Costacoffeeplease Sun 13-Dec-15 21:29:20

So how does he reconcile his children with me to this.

What?

PotteringAlong Sun 13-Dec-15 21:31:30

Twins aren't a punishment...

Elendon Sun 13-Dec-15 21:32:22

The children are not happy. He told them about this in a restaurant whilst they were having a coffee break from Christmas shopping. He lives over 200 miles away.

He certainly is moving on and having a new life and I do hope it works out well for them. But I fear it won't.

They want nothing to do with them, but I have said that wait until the time comes. New babies always bring about conciliation. But he has form. Sorry, but I just can't stop laughing about it. He caused me so much pain.

Cabrinha Sun 13-Dec-15 21:33:21

Was she an OW? Trying to work out where this bitterness is coming from.

If he'd had a vasectomy, these are planned babies. Even the twins element is a calculated risk as it's IVF, so both planned / wanted.

If he faked less money than he has during divorce, he's an arsehole. But if she paid for the fertility related treatment, it's lucky for him and nothing to do with your settlement.

Her buying a bigger house to accommodate her stepchildren doesn't sound like a 'salve' but a generous inclusive move.

Waltermittythesequel Sun 13-Dec-15 21:35:52

Laughing about what, exactly?

You think his dc are a fitting punishment?

Your dc, one of whom is 24 (??) aren't happy?

You all sound like knobs! What is going on?

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