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Am I wrong? Can't stand his behaviour

(33 Posts)
ApparentlyTooFat Sun 13-Dec-15 13:20:51

OK my partner and I have a little girl, only 10 weeks old and I had a traumatic birth.
In labour for 4 days, emergency section with blood transfusion. I suffered from depression before she was born and have been diagnosed with PND.

I look after her during the day and he will sometimes pick up in the evenings when I'm home.

I've always been overweight and was like this when we meet 2 years ago. Obviously I've still good pregnancy weight. He's been quite rude about it, saying he's going to weigh me every week (to which I said fuck off) and this morning I was talking about how my body changed during pregnancy and he said 'well that's no need to have a fat stomach forever'.
Bit harsh and it upset me. I will admit I had a sulk and went out, leaving him with our daughter. I came back, they were out. I had a text just saying they were out so I called him and asked where they were. They weren't far so they came home.
I made us both a drink and went to talk to him. I said why I was upset but he said I heard it wrong and he wanted us to work together on me losing weight. I got upset further, I just wanted an apology.

He started to say I was obese when I asked him to leave. Admittedly I definitely AM overweight bit too call me obese? I'm about 2 stone overweight, which is the same as when we met!

I just told him to go if my body disgusts him that much. I'm not sure what to do, this is just awful and I'd rather be alone than with someone who thinks it's ok to insult me so harshly about my weight, but am I wrong??

Sorry for any typos, I'm on mobile

pocketsaviour Sun 13-Dec-15 13:31:39

Well, he sounds like a cunt. Sorry.
If you're the same weight now as you were when you met, then he needs to wind his fucking neck in. Especially 10 weeks after the birth!

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sun 13-Dec-15 13:42:07

A traumatic birth and a C-Section only ten weeks ago? If he thinks he's helping you by chivvying you about your weight, he needs to fuck right off.

Have you acquainted him with the fact that your body may never be exactly as it was before pregnancy?

Two stone over-weight? I can think a really good way of ridding yourself of about 14 stone of ugly fat almost immediately.

This man is a heartless cunt. Was there any inkling of quite how vile he is before you became pregnant?

kittybiscuits Sun 13-Dec-15 13:43:43

I agree with the cunt diagnosis. His behaviour would be disgusting at any time, but 10 weeks post birth - that's sickening. Tell him his dick is too small and you need him to grow it another couple of inches. Do you have real-life support? How was he before your pregnancy? Congratulations on your DD and sorry for your very tough delivery flowers

passmethewineplease Sun 13-Dec-15 13:46:24

Jesus Christ he sounds absolutely vile OP.

Has he said anything like this before?

Cut yourself some slack, 10 weeks is nothing PP wise and it sounds like you had a lot to contend with, you don't need his shit on top of that. flowers

Gliblet Sun 13-Dec-15 13:52:18

If that nonsense started when you threatened to leave then it's clearly his little way of keeping you in line, knocking your confidence enough to keep you right where you are and stop you pulling him up on crappy behaviour. If you are for any reason going to keep tolerating this turdblossom then as per previous poster, all comments about your stomach being too big can be met with 'your cock is too small - I'm going to measure it every week and see if you manage to improve yourself. No one else will want you with one that patheic' etc. But tbh it sounds like it's time to lose weight by getting rid of a large lump of unsightly manflesh

Cinnamon2013 Sun 13-Dec-15 13:55:01

Your birth sounds like it was very traumatic indeed. Congrats on your little girl - but obviously there was a lot going on around her arrival that you will need ongoing support with. Ten weeks is crazily early to be thinking about your weight, your baby and physical and mental wellbeing HAVE to be your priority (as it sounds like they are). What he has said isn't ok, at all. I also thought cunt - which I don't often.

Potatoface2 Sun 13-Dec-15 13:57:57

say you will lose weight when he losses the ugly attitude....hes a git

VaticanAssassin Sun 13-Dec-15 14:56:25

Maybe put him on a customer home mailing service for a penis pump and 'last longer' creams?
Then when he tries his nasty cunt tactic again, say, "I was trying to be subtle with those leaflets, but since we're being honest, your cock is too small, and you come too quickly for me."

Hillfarmer Sun 13-Dec-15 15:06:54

His attitude is sickening. And he is trying to gaslight you saying 'you heard it wrong'. No you didn't. I am sure his cruel words are engraved on your soul.

He knows exactly how to get you where it hurts most, and is showing absolute ruthlessness in doing this. Vile and abusive. So sorry OP, especially as you have a lovely daughter. You are only 10 weeks into parenthood and he is being like this. Awful. Can you go and stay with mum or family for a few days to get away from him?

Do not put up with this. His behaviour is utterly unacceptable and don't let him dress it up as concern for you. Ugh.

ApparentlyTooFat Sun 13-Dec-15 15:19:37

Thanks everyone - luckily we are living with my mum and dad. My mum is a fantastic support.

I texted him in anger saying 'don't come back. you clearly find me disgusting so there is no point staying together.'.

I just got a text back:
I earn £1700, thats £850 half and half. I want my daughter every night and you get her every day 50/50 I think this is best for all 3 of us.

Surely he can't be serious! I tried to phone him and he cuts my call off every time. I texted back: No I don't agree. You need to be responsible and answer your phone to me.

What the hell do I do now?! He was never like this before my baby was born.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Sun 13-Dec-15 15:27:11

Take a step back. You can't discuss contact arrangements over text while you are so angry. Of course he's not going to get her every night! Are you breastfeeding?

ApparentlyTooFat Sun 13-Dec-15 15:31:27

No, she's FF, I had a lot of trouble BFing sad

Kelsoooo Sun 13-Dec-15 15:34:42

No, a court would never award that type of contact. Especially whilst baby is so young.

Hillfarmer Sun 13-Dec-15 15:38:25

Yes. Everyone needs to calm down. Don't take any notice of his stupid text - it's just laughable - and resist the urge to 'win the argument' whether it's on text or anywhere else.

Don't let him dictate terms to you. He is clearly being shit to you to provoke some response. He needs to start behaving like a grown-up. I would maintain dignity and not give him an outraged reaction. Just say, 'What you have said is cruel and unacceptable. The fact that you feel you can treat me like this at all, let alone just after I have just had a major operation giving birth to our daughter, makes me seriously question whether I want to be in a relationship with you.'

His response to that will tell you if he has any intention of being a decent husband or father. If he responds with attacks and anger, then he is telling you who he really is.

Glad you are getting good RL support.

AyeAmarok Sun 13-Dec-15 15:49:19

He's horrible. It sounds like he's actually picked the time you are at your most vulnerable to start laying into you about your weight. That's not someone that's on your side.

Ignore the ridiculous texts about your DD's custody, he's got his head up his arse in the clouds if he thinks that'll ever happen.

RudeElf Sun 13-Dec-15 16:01:19

Erm what does his wage have to do with anything? confused

Branleuse Sun 13-Dec-15 16:23:14

obviously thats no deal. Tell him he can have her every other weekend when shes a bit older, but as for his laughable request, he can fuck off.

pocketsaviour Sun 13-Dec-15 16:28:39

...Is he saying he's prepared to give you 50% of his takehome pay?

If so, snatch his hand off because that's way more than child maintenance standard.

Have you actually been living together at your parents or does he live elsewhere? How old are you both?

Jux Sun 13-Dec-15 16:32:41

No Court in the land would agree to that arrangement, so don't worry.

He should be paying CMS minimum every week, preferably more though, especially if he can afford it.

Keep all his texts, you don't know whether you will need tem. He has said in writing what he earns so there won't be a dispute about how much he should be contributing to her regularly.

Don't try to phone him, you need a papertrail, so text or email, and keep everything. Go to a solicitor on Monday and find out where you stand and what you can expect.

kittybiscuits Sun 13-Dec-15 16:37:07

Classic abuse - you call it and he raises the game. The only appropriate response to this is to ignore. Turn off your phone. Don't take the bait. So glad your Mum is supportive. He is disgusting.

kittybiscuits Sun 13-Dec-15 16:41:21

His aim is to make you frightened and confused so you give up and in to his bullying. Please don' give him the satisfaction.

ElfOnTheBoozeShelf Sun 13-Dec-15 16:45:25

Ignore any contact you get from him, don't allow him back into the property. Don't let the text panic you; he's trying to scare you. No court would ever agree to that.

You need to be far away from this man.

HappyGoLuckyGirl Sun 13-Dec-15 16:48:17


What a fucking gem.

I'm sorry you are going through this at what should be a precious time for you. I second the PP who said turn off your phonr and leave him to his ridiculous cuntish thoughts.

When the time is right, seek advise from a solicitor.

flowers cake wine

ApparentlyTooFat Sun 13-Dec-15 16:48:50

Thank you all so, so much. I really appreciate the advice.

Pocket - we've been living here together. He's 41, I'm 30. We had to move out of our place due to shitty landlord not taking care of mould problem while I was pregnant.

Jux - thanks for that too. I've been looking online to see what my options are.
He's also doing a classic 'I don't know what to do, I didn't want to fight with you. I must want to provide for your and my daughter'

Its weird the way he says MY instead of Our.

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