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Different since baby

(10 Posts)
PebbleTTC Fri 11-Dec-15 22:50:37

We had a baby 4 months ago and I feel like we are more like housemates than a married couple. I just don't feel loving towards him, I don't like kissing or cuddling anymore. Is this normal after having a baby? Will things to back to normal soon or do I need to do something now before its too late

Madnson Fri 11-Dec-15 23:09:20

Definitely normal was for us anyway, . We were both sleep deprived, got our minds on other things, I felt super shit about my body, think I definitely went through some sort of identity crisis with my temporary loss of career. On top of that my dh has never ever wanted to be intimate during my pregnancies which I just had to expect however 9 months of no loving, then weeks/months getting over the birth we had to learn to get close again. Our relationship now after 2 babies is closer than ever, love our family. Love him more than I ever did for being a great dad, husband, source of fun and love for us all.

PebbleTTC Fri 11-Dec-15 23:16:46

How did you manage to get it back? He is a wonderful guy but sometimes I feel like I'm his mammy too! I feel guilty that I'm looking forward to going back to work, I love our baby so much but def find the days hard entertaining a baby

sminkypinky Fri 11-Dec-15 23:17:08

Normal for us too. Sleep deprivation and PND made me feel terrible about myself and DH didn't know what to do for the best as my moods were all over the place. Now we're just over 9 months in and are getting a little more sleep things are gradually improving and are getting back on track in some areas our relationship is actually better than it was before as we aren't taking each other for granted now.
Keep talking to each other, maybe explain to him how you feel and that you are worried about it?

PebbleTTC Fri 11-Dec-15 23:31:28

Ya we spoke about it the other night and I got upset. We both just said hopefully things will get better when baby starts to sleep through. This prob seems silly but I feel like I love the baby so much there isn't any love left for anyone else

sminkypinky Fri 11-Dec-15 23:44:39

It doesn't seem silly at all. I felt like I didn't love anyone (not even my baby with me having PND) and like I was a complete failure so nobody would want me, so I started to shut everyone out. I think it takes a lot longer than people realise for your hormones to settle down after having a baby and I massively underestimated the impact of sleep deprivation. It's only now I'm sleeping a bit more I realise exactly how bad it was, it was like wading through treacle and I couldn't think clearly at all.
Your life has changed massively, it will take time for it to settle down and become normal. We lived like housemates for 8 months, I became increasingly frustrated and upset about it. We started to discuss it more, even though we both got upset when we discussed it things gradually got better. It isn't perfect, but so much better than it was. Try to not put pressure on yourself and try to get some rest (I know, it isn't that easy). If you haven't been doing, try and get out a bit with your partner and baby, it can be really easy to slip into just sitting around and dwelling. Getting out and seeing some different scenery may help.

PebbleTTC Fri 11-Dec-15 23:48:39

Ya i think your right, we just end up staying inside in the evenings because he is so small you can't really bring him anywhere like a restaurant because he needs to be in your arms. My husband has been in college two nights a week as well as working 5 days but college is ending soon so that should help.

Thanks so much for the replies I feel a bit better!

redexpat Sat 12-Dec-15 16:25:11

Normal. It takes a while to adjust. You could go for a walk around the block with baby in the pram in the evenings. If you have anyone else you can leave the baby with for a couple of hours then do, and go do something together. It will feel weird, but it will also do the trick.

ImperialBlether Sat 12-Dec-15 16:28:47

When you think about it, your relationship with your baby is so physical that it's easy to understand that there's not much left for your husband. I think many women feel all touched-out for quite a while. Also if your husband needs telling what to do, it's really easy for you to see him as another child and that's just not attractive.

Don't assume it's the end, though. Do you have family nearby who can babysit occasionally? It's really important to have adult time to keep your relationship going. It's important, too, that your husband thinks like an adult in the house, rather than expecting you to mother him.

Joysmum Sat 12-Dec-15 16:31:01

Normal, but that doesn't mean you should accept it. What wouldn't be good is that you both recognise it but don't make an effort you keep your relationship good, rather than just sinking into only being parents.

You'll be doomed if you don't make a little effort although a obviously won't ever be the same as pre bay.

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