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Not really sure what to do.

(29 Posts)
Rowan1923 Fri 11-Dec-15 15:04:46

Have name changed. I don't really know what to do about this.

Dp had his christmas night out last night. He came home around 2 and I was asleep. He woke me up banging about and then was standing doing god knows what in the bedroom, he was huffing and puffing loudly. I was quite short with him and told him to stop making so much noise and get to bed. It was after 2am, I get up at 6 with ds and I'd been awake for around 20 minutes because of him.

He got into bed and starts saying things like 'you know most girlfriends would be happy to see their boyfriend, most girlfriends would want to fuck me'. I told him not be be ridiculous, he was steaming drunk and I obviously wasn't going to have sex with him. Then he starts going on about money. We've been a bit strapped for cash since my student loan stopped. I start my new job next week so now the end is in sight. He knows this. It's been hard but we've managed. I told him now wasn't the time to talk about it and he should go sleep on the couch.

This is when it happened. He sprung out of bed, ranting and raving and pulled the duvet off me to take it through. I got up out of bed and, I cannot stress this enough, accidentally bumped into him slightly. It was pitch black, I couldn't see. He started creating, I'd hit him, I was being abusive, imagine if he did that to me. I apologised and said it was an accident and he still was going nuts. Eventually he dumped the duvet went through to the living room and I got the spare duvet out and took I through to him so he would freeze to death on the couch. Checked on him through the night incase he was sick in his sleep (he was that drunk, it's happened to someone I know).

This morning he got up for work and I acted normal, ds was about. He's still going on as if I hit him, acting as if I leaped out of bed and punched him in the face and attacked him. I just stumbled and fell into him a bit. I don't really know what to do. He's now saying that it's ok but I've not to do it again. Part of me wants to leave it and just forget it cause I can't be bothered with the hassle but then I want to stick up for myself, this will annoy him though. It was an accident. What should I do? He used to be like this, forever blaming me for stuff that I didn't do but I left him. Been back together 3 years and this is the first time he's been like this since.

mix56 Fri 11-Dec-15 15:18:16

leave him again

CatThiefKeith Fri 11-Dec-15 15:23:01

Yep, leave again, and this time I'd stay gone.

ImperialBlether Fri 11-Dec-15 15:25:28

He's not changed, has he? I'd let him go off and find all those women who are desperate to sleep with him. You'll have a much happier life without him.

FredaMayor Fri 11-Dec-15 15:25:38

Alcohol loosens inhibitions, it may be that you have caught the end of something he was ranting about on the night out, in which case you are back to being the scapegoat. I think it may be fortunate you aren't married.

Rowan1923 Fri 11-Dec-15 15:27:28

He had changed though, that's what's so upsetting. Things have been completely different over the last three years but last night was 100% the way he used to be. He's still saying I assaulted him, I fell a bit.

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 11-Dec-15 15:28:01

I do not think he has altered fundamentally since the last time (he is still blaming you for stuff you did not do to him); he just hid that side of him for longer this time around. You and he therefore should not be together any more.

What do you want to teach your son about relationships?. People really do not behave like this when the relationship is a healthy one.

Rowan1923 Fri 11-Dec-15 15:30:30

You're right Attila, that's why I left the first time. I didn't get back with him lightly either, there was a long trial period after a year long separation. I know he's been a dick but I'm absolutely gutted he's behaved like this. I thought we were really happy.

ImperialBlether Fri 11-Dec-15 15:33:36

The thing is he was so drunk he thought he was irresistible to women, so how likely is it he's remembered the other incident properly? I would just say, "Don't be ridiculous" whenever he mentions it.

Rowan1923 Fri 11-Dec-15 15:36:08

He claims to remember everything but what he's saying didn't actually happen, I didn't 'go for him'. I maybe hurt him a bit but I didn't mean it. It was dark and I stumbled into him.

Jan45 Fri 11-Dec-15 15:36:36

What an idiot, comes home wrecked wakes everyone up and then blames you for it, charming.

Stick to your guns OP, he's the one out of order.

Isetan Fri 11-Dec-15 15:37:19

If you STFU for a quiet life, you'll be expected to STFU the next time and the time after that. OP you've been here before and so you know how it plays out.

I'm so sorry he's reverted back to type.

Rowan1923 Fri 11-Dec-15 15:51:01

You're so right Isetan. I'm ignoring his texts and I'll speak to him tonight.

mix56 Fri 11-Dec-15 16:29:02

I'd text:
"I hit you, Oh really ? in dark, half asleep, with ds in the next room, I was about to hit a drunken slob twice my weight? Because, oh yes, I usually hit people as you will have noticed. I'd laugh if it wasn't so pathetic. Now Fuck off & offer your sorry warm little sausage to all the other women who are longing to fuck you. & when you decide to apologise you can come home. Tosser"

Rowan1923 Fri 11-Dec-15 16:43:48

I think I might memorise it and say it to his face grin

mix56 Fri 11-Dec-15 17:02:48

careful he doesn't hit you !

Rowan1923 Fri 11-Dec-15 17:08:31

i think if I said that to him, exactly how you've written it,: he'd be speechless for the rest of his life. My usual answering back when he's being an arsehole is to tell him to fuck off.

mix56 Fri 11-Dec-15 17:18:07

well say it then, it sounds like he is used to you backing down. You need a bit of repartee !

"You are really a narcissictic joke, you go out get drunk & expect me to swing off the chandelier, you have adolescent hissy fit because I say just pipe down, because I have to get up soon. You rip off the bed covers, I'm not sure who is the child here, you or DS. I even check on you through the night to make sure you are OK like a fucking baby, get a fucking grip or I you will hear something slamming & it will be the door as you leave." Sad sorry joke of a man"

Rowan1923 Fri 11-Dec-15 17:25:27

I honestly didn't check on him for any other reason than a boy I went to school with choked on his vomit and died when he was drunk and I'm a bit paranoid about it now. I wasn't being the good little wife as such.

I'm hoping that he comes home and apologises, I'll be telling him firmly that it's not on and if it happens again he better get his bags packed and get the fuck to fuck. I do stand up for myself but I pick my battles.

ifyouregoingthroughhell Fri 11-Dec-15 17:35:16

Sounds like delusional projection to me. My ex used to shout at me that I had hit him when he felt like hitting me ! Even he backed down and apologised the next day though. Look out for more of this. it tells you a lot of what they are thinking.

Rowan1923 Fri 11-Dec-15 17:49:51

I will. I didn't even think of that. I honestly thought he'd have given it up by now. Hes acting the way I used to act when my sister hit me when I was wee, played it up to my mum etc

pocketsaviour Fri 11-Dec-15 18:01:52

I think the most telling part is this
you know most girlfriends would be happy to see their boyfriend

You're not his partner and the mother of his son. You're just his girlfriend sad

Jw35 Fri 11-Dec-15 18:06:37

He sounds a bit unhinged! I'd be worried

Rowan1923 Fri 11-Dec-15 18:26:08

He is a bit unhinged when he's had a drink sometimes. Need to plaster on a happy face for a family dinner, sigh!!!

WombOfOnesOwn Fri 11-Dec-15 19:34:59

This is a man who will eventually hit you and then say you hit him first. He's laying the groundwork a piece at a time. Eventually, he hopes you'll question whether you should go to the police.

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