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Need a sounding board please?

(10 Posts)
Balooboo Thu 10-Dec-15 23:50:18

Hi all, this is a really minor question compared to many, but here goes.. just not sure how to interpret the situation and don't want to make an arse of myself!

I'm in my 40s, 2 kids, divorce finalised last year following now-XH's infidelity ( flowers to those here who helped me through, different username now). I never really did "dating" before my 12-year marriage, just was lucky enough to meet the right people at the right time. So it's all new to me, and I'm pretty clueless, but keeping busy and wasn’t actively looking for anyone new at the moment.

So today, I met up with a guy from work. We were chatting at work yesterday, I mentioned I was coming into town with pre-schooler DD, he said he was also off and planning to come shopping, so the three of us met up, we had lunch, did a couple of touristy things in the rain to entertain DD, had a hug and went our separate ways.

We're relatively new friends at work - we've been fairly distant colleagues for a couple of years, but we’d ended up sitting next to one another last month at a work do, got chatting, and realised we were both in a similar situation - recentlyish divorced because of the other spouses' infidelity, similar age children.

So here's the question - it wasn't ever intended to be a date unless it's normal to take a 4yo with you on dates these days but it kind of felt like one not that I’d know . What does it sound like to anyone else? We’ve exchanged a few texts this evening, “really enjoyed your company” he said, and it seems like we’d both like there to be a next time.

However, I lost a lot of confidence during the breakdown of my marriage, mainly about my own judgement (lots of gaslighting), and I don’t want to misinterpret this new situation.

The obvious thing to do, it would seem, would be to just ask! But I don’t want to look like an idiot, and make things awkward at work. He might have been just being kind and giving me a hand with entertaining DD, and enjoyed our (collective) company. Or he might have been hinting at something else. I just can’t tell.

What a lovely minor stress to have! A new friend, or a new maybe more? I like him, btw. Can you tell?

Any thoughts or perspectives?

janaus Fri 11-Dec-15 00:09:20

I don't have any advice. But it does sound very nice. I would just say, don't rush into anything, take it as it comes. You probably both need a friend right now.

Oysterbabe Fri 11-Dec-15 07:17:41

Sounds like a date to me.
Keep talking to him and hopefully he'll suggest another.

jessicame Fri 11-Dec-15 07:31:02

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Balooboo Fri 11-Dec-15 09:31:45

Thanks ladies. A few more texts this morning, general chit-chat. It feels quite promising, but don't want to get my hopes up too much.

CatMilkMan Fri 11-Dec-15 09:36:40

Stay comfortable, take it slow, see what happens, have fun.

prettywhiteguitar Fri 11-Dec-15 09:37:01

I think if there's chemistry you will know about it. To be honest it sounds like a friendship at the moment but who knows where it will go ? I'd be trying to keep it friends and be very lighthearted like you sound like you are.

If there's chemistry between you two it will become clear

ILiveAtTheBeach Fri 11-Dec-15 09:37:11

Just take it slow. Sounds very promising to me! Definitely don't ask him the "where is this going" question. Just sit tight and see what develops. smile

RiceCrispieTreats Fri 11-Dec-15 10:29:51

Just keep chatting to him as you have been. Leave openings for him to suggest meeting up for another joint activity, or suggest another one yourself.

You two clearly enjoy each other's company, so it makes sense to spend more time chatting / doing stuff together.

That's how friendships and romantic relationships evolve: you like the look of someone, you spend time with them, and if you like that, spend more time with them.

Don't stress it. He's nice and you have fun together. So do that some more.

Balooboo Fri 11-Dec-15 18:03:01

<reins self in>
<musters patience>
grin

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