Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Right then...time to get this biatch to back off

(109 Posts)
munkynutts Thu 10-Dec-15 10:50:03

Been seeing a guy for 4/5 months.
Before me, he was casually seeing (sleeping with and hanging out but no shared plans or talk of feelings) a woman who is much older than me and was in the process of leaving her husband. It was fizzling out by the time I came on the scene, I know there was an 'overlap' between me and her in the first month, which is fine by me, it was the same situation on my side when I was seeing him (was also casually seeing someone else). Now though:
She left her husband.
He is with me.
I'm pretty sure he isn't messing around on the side as we spend almost every night together.

HOWEVER. She calls and texts him constantly. I never check his phone obviously, I'm not like that, but I can't help if his phone goes off next to me at breakfast and I see its her. He never answers but she keeps at it. Apparently fairly angry messages, trash talking him, begging him to reply,. etc. Three times now she has turned up on his doorstep.

Last night was the first time we spoke about it properly. I feel he should be doing more, he says he has already told her he will call the police if she turns up again, and he doesnt respond to her. I feel clearly in some way he must not be being forceful enough or must be encouraging it. He blocked her number in front of me, but I feel pissed off he hadn't done that already. I'm considering taking action myself. I asked if she knows about me, he said yes. In that case, irrespective of what shes doing to him, she is disrespecting ME, clearly. What would you do? And what do you think about the situation? Any similar experiences?

SirChenjin Thu 10-Dec-15 10:53:06

Why is she a biatch? And what proof do you have that there was shared feelings or plans? I don't believe a word of that, quite frankly - if someone leaves their spouse then it's a pretty big step, and one that I would imagine she thought would lead to something with him. Why do you think that might be, if there had been no conversations at all about a joint future?

Annarose2014 Thu 10-Dec-15 10:55:35

At 4/5 months I would do absolutely nothing. He isn't responding and was sleeping with her until what 10/12 weeks ago?

She had left her husband by that stage? I'd say by her reaction that there must have been certainly "talk of feelings" no matter how casually he shrugs it off. Its definately not about you, its about him and him throwing her over.

Its not your fight, not when you've only been with him a season. He's blocked her. Now let it go and stop being so intense about a bloke you've been with such a short time.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 10-Dec-15 10:57:49

How is he getting these messages?
Surely he should have blocked her by now?
I also agree with Jin
She left her DH, probably to be with your DP. They must have had some plans?

Northernnights Thu 10-Dec-15 11:01:21

Well if she contacts him again, I would call her and calmly ask her to leave him alone. Tell her she is causing distress to you both and ask her to come to terms with the fact that he is now in a relationship with you.
If she persists, well, then I'd take it to the next level.....🤔

Tiggeryoubastard Thu 10-Dec-15 11:01:43

'Trash talking'? 'Biatch'? Are you American or a teenager? And why on earth would you feel the need to take action? Grow up.

munkynutts Thu 10-Dec-15 11:05:21

Thanks for your comments!

Unprompted by me he said that when she was talking about leaving her husband he told her he hoped it had nothing to do with him. So I'm not sure there was anything on the cards.

I do consider her to be a bit of a biatch actually because if I was seeing a guy who moved on and started something with someone else, I'd get the hint and back off. I certainly wouldn't be intruding on another woman's relationship.

munkynutts Thu 10-Dec-15 11:05:57

'''Trash talking'? 'Biatch'? Are you American or a teenager?'' Very useful.

whatdoIget Thu 10-Dec-15 11:09:23

Are you though?!

stitchglitched Thu 10-Dec-15 11:09:40

She was cheating on her husband, your boyfriend was sleeping with a married woman, you were seeing someone else when you started seeing your boyfriend and there was a month overlap of him sleeping with you both. Yet she is now a biatch for not respecting your exclusive relationship of what, a few weeks??

Kr1stina Thu 10-Dec-15 11:10:50

Stay out of it , you don't know the facts.

He could easily have blocked her before now , it makes me wonder if he enjoys being the centre of the drama and having two women fight for him .

You've only been with him for such a short time , it all sounds too intense . Stop spending nearly every night with him, you are over involved . Just step back a bit

summerwinterton Thu 10-Dec-15 11:11:22

Why isn't he dealing with this? I would wonder how truthful he has been with you tbh, rather than blindly believing he is the victim in all of this. You don't know what he promised her. If he was that innocent surely he would be taking action against her.

lubeybooby Thu 10-Dec-15 11:11:29

it wouldn't matter one iota what she did if he was properly into you

he isn't and that's the problem

he is the problem, not her

Sorry to sound harsh but I just can't think of any other explanation why he wouldn't have blocked her ages ago. He wanted the contact. Therefore he is the problem and you're right to be annoyed with him. I hope you see what I mean here, which is some annoying clingy woman is easily ignored if they want to.

I don't know if he's still into her or just a bit generally useless but either way is that really what you want?

You're directing your annoyance at her because it means you don't have to address the actual situation...

Offred Thu 10-Dec-15 11:16:06

You must feel so good about yourself with him choosing you over her even though she had left her husband for him and OF COURSE he isn't sleeping with her still, OF COURSE he wants nothing to do with her that's why he blocked her straight away. She's such a bunny boiler psycho you should totally turn up at her work and give her a slap for trying to steal your man(!)

Offred Thu 10-Dec-15 11:18:01

I mean it's not like he could be enjoying this whole debacle is it, the poor tortured soul(!)

Maryz Thu 10-Dec-15 11:20:50

I bet he's enjoying this hmm

He has an affair with a married woman, and just as she is about to leave her husband he starts a fling with a younger woman (while keeping woman 1 on the go). Then she leaves her husband so he dumps her to "be with" woman 2.

I wonder when woman 3 will appear.

RudeElf Thu 10-Dec-15 11:22:27

What would you do?

I would leave him. He's still in contact with her, he is lying to you, he is lying to her. he was seeing you both at the same time and is stringing you both along.

Also "biatch" hmm you are to her what she is to you. Youre being played. Find your dignity and walk away. She isnt your problem to get rid of.

munkynutts Thu 10-Dec-15 11:23:06

I agree with what some of you are saying. It's possible he likes being at the centre of all of this, and it makes me feel uncomfortable. I would have thought that if you really wanted this to stop, it would be quite easy to make yourself heard loud and clear.

Caprinihahahaha Thu 10-Dec-15 11:25:23

She's much older.
<faints>

RudeElf Thu 10-Dec-15 11:25:32

I certainly wouldn't be intruding on another woman's relationship.

Except thats exactly what you did! He was seeing her when you started seeing him and you knew this!

Threefishys Thu 10-Dec-15 11:25:43

Story as old as the hills! OP two choices a/ trust that he has blocked her now and wont have any contact b/ assume he will do it behind your back because he's seeing her/just likes the attention. Do you trust him? If you do no problem. Personally I wouldn't trust him, or you for that matter, you've both got similiar form haven't you.

munkynutts Thu 10-Dec-15 11:26:07

My instinct, which I put to him yesterday, is: is the idea to keep her at arm's length but still have the door ever so slightly ajar so if things go tits up with me he has a back up plan to piece together?

Threefishys Thu 10-Dec-15 11:27:53

Spot on. Or woman number 3 , as Pp said. I'd get out before he does to you what he did to her at which point you become the 'biatch'. Awkward

Dipankrispaneven Thu 10-Dec-15 11:29:06

Why does she have to "respect" you? She owes you precisely nothing.

RudeElf Thu 10-Dec-15 11:29:25

My instinct, which I put to him yesterday, is: is the idea to keep her at arm's length but still have the door ever so slightly ajar so if things go tits up with me he has a back up plan to piece together?

Hahaha! You said that to him? With expectation of a truthful answer? grin youre a mug. I'm guessing he didnt say "yes thats my plan" grin grin grin

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now