Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Just had a blazing row over fucking toilet roll

(110 Posts)
Lastmanstanding Thu 10-Dec-15 00:34:42

It's the second time he has called me names and this time I give it him back. Ve been with him five years - one dd. 98% of the time he is laid back jack but somtimes he can switch over somthing and completly change. I've never felt scared of him it's just the complete change in his persona that worries me, he is like a different bloke.

Tonight he went upstairs to use the toilet, he didn't take the loo roll up and as I walked past I chucked it up the stairs, he text me a few mins later to pass it him. I thought he was joking and said no. He said he'd had the runs and needed me to pass it him. I said it was by the door. This was all text.

He then bellowed xxxx pass me the toilet roll from upstairs you fucking knob his dad who was sitting near me looked shocked. Dp doesn't not speck to me like this. He then shouted to his dad who got up and went upstairs. His dad told him to be quiet or he will wake dd (which he did) and he shouted that he didn't fucking care.

He then stormed off to bed leaving me sat in the living room with his dad.

His dad went home quickly afterwards at which point inhadntbsaid a word back to dp in retaliation. I then went upstairs and said ' don't ever call me a name again other rise I will start calling you a fat cunt and see how you like it'

I don't know if this is a big deal it not, it feels like it is. The fact that he didn't care about waking out child while in this mood has really made me think he isn't the nice guy he makes out. At the moment we have having some issues that keep getting brushed aside as I feel he makes me feel irrelevant. As though I'm here because he wants dd near him

Am I blowing it out of proportion !

Lastmanstanding Thu 10-Dec-15 00:36:56

Thst should be a ? At the end.. Sleepy eyes !

PushingThru Thu 10-Dec-15 00:39:36

I suppose lots of people will ask why you don't have the toilet roll in the toilet & doing that will solve everything. The toilet roll is a proxy. Shouting at each other about trivial things is awful.

Lastmanstanding Thu 10-Dec-15 00:41:55

We had run out pushing

Nanny0gg Thu 10-Dec-15 00:46:15

He spoke to you like that in front of his father?

No, you are not blowing it out of proportion at all. He does not treat you with respect.

What do you want to do about it?

PrincessFiorimonde Thu 10-Dec-15 01:39:49

All of us can lose our rag about a seemingly trivial thing.

BUT (to me) the point is - does he often 'bellow' at you and then 'storm off' like this?

If it's completely out of character, then I guess you can cut him some slack (assuming he would cut you some slack if things were the other way round) and ask yourself if there might be a reason why he's so het up.

However, if he often behaves like this (over toilet rolls, or other trivial things, or about things in general), then I would think he is a git. And a very angry git! That would make him a not very nice person to live with - so you might decide to kick him in to touch.

You live with him - so only you can decide whether he is the first or second sort of person.

Good luck either way flowers

Canyouforgiveher Thu 10-Dec-15 02:13:50

bellowed xxxx pass me the toilet roll from upstairs you fucking knob his dad who was sitting near me looked shocked

no one in my life - husband, friend, child, family member, dog, would shout at me like that. Probably because I wouldn't stand for it.

You didn't stand for it either. why are you second guessing yourself now?

He was absolutely vile to you and you got angry and shouted back. Good for you.

If I were you, I would actually think twice about him. I would certainly make it clear that he cannot speak to me like that and expect me to stick around.

PerspicaciaTick Thu 10-Dec-15 02:41:20

If I had an upset stomach and had begged repeatedly for my DP to pass me the toilet paper as I couldn't get off the toilet, then I would be feeling really stressed and humiliated at being forced to argue about why I needed help. I might well shout in that situation as I guess I'd be feeling pretty desperate.

But regularly swearing and shouting is unacceptable.

ImtheChristmasCarcass Thu 10-Dec-15 02:45:48

I'm not defending the words he used, but is it possible that due to the diarrhea he wasn't in (ahem) a 'fit state' to get off the loo to fetch it in? I have Coeliac Disease and when I've been 'glutened' the results can be, um, messy. If I told my DH that he needed to hand me the loo roll because I'd had the runs and he told me to get it myself I might get upset and might even shout at him, but I'd not use the language your DH used.

Poppyinafield Thu 10-Dec-15 03:03:26

Completely unnacceptable. Its Christmas. Rows should all be Christmas themed.

Latest one here was about whose job it is to write Christmas cards to ones own relatives. Lazy no good useless lump of a guy. I mean it's not as though a biro and a stamp are that heavy.

MNerAnon Thu 10-Dec-15 07:44:39

He wasn't right to yell like that, but reading your op I can see how someone (story to be sexist but especially a man) could feel humiliated being stuck on the loo like that. He probably felt humiliated enough having to repeatedly ask you to get him the loo roll, but more desperate when you weren't helping out. It's not an excuse for bellowing at you like that. But you should have been more sensitive to how horrible it would be for an adult to be made to feel like a helpless child - and a ridiculed one at that.

I can also see why he didn't care about waking up your daughter. If I were weighing up my need to clean up shit and get off the toilet when I have diarrhoea, over a child sleeping, I'm afraid I'd have to say the cleaning of shit wins I'm afraid. I don't really know what you expected from him. Sometimes with diarrhoea you get messy and it would not be reasonable for him to waddle into the hallway depositing his diarrhoea in a neat trail behind him.

I can imagine it was made worse by his own Dad being present and feeling mocked by both of you. I think you pressed his angry button and if you do that you have to expect anger to come out. Having said that, he should have said he was serious and it was urgent, but like I said, not everyone can swallow their pride like that. Especially men in front of another man. "Male pride" and all that. Although as a woman I might feel the same too. But the difference is I'd probably waddle... then clean up my shit after ... and temporarily hate you for it, which isn't healthy either!

PuellaEstCornelia Thu 10-Dec-15 07:49:34

Maybe he just lost his temper? If it's ince in five years, I wouldn't make a big deal of it. Especially if he apologises when he calms down.

AuntieStella Thu 10-Dec-15 07:56:00

Was he actually ill?

I think that makes quite an important difference to this specific incident. If I was half covered in diarrhoea and wanting help, then I might be rather annoyed (including using epithet) towards someone who didn't help. And if stil, in the loo, then yes I'f need to to shout simply to be heard.

If I read your post correctly, this is one of two incidents in 5 years. So not his normal behaviour.

Penfold007 Thu 10-Dec-15 07:57:57

He should/could have taken the toilet rolls upstairs but he didn't. He tried to discreetly ask for your help but you didn't. He was embarrassed and lost his temper. If this was a one of I'd just forget it, hopefully he will never forget to take the toilet roll pack upstairs again.
Wonder how he would have coped if no one else had been home?

PushingThru Thu 10-Dec-15 07:58:17

Does anyone even know where to start with MNerAnon's male diarrhoea pride?

Iagreewithmrsdevere Thu 10-Dec-15 08:04:17

She pressed the angry button Pushing, it was her own fault

TooSassy Thu 10-Dec-15 08:17:46

Yes you are blowing it out of proportion. You also don't sound like a very nice person.

His response is not acceptable by any means.

But someone you are meant to love is sitting on the toilet with the runs and virtually begging you to pass him the toilet roll. I'd be feeling utterly humiliated in his shoes and wondering if I had a future with someone like you. What exactly makes you think it's ok to be like this with someone? I'd even pass a stranger toilet roll in this situation, forget the person I'm meant to love.

If I was him, I'd seriously question how a person like you is going to help me and be caring etc as I get older.

MNerAnon Thu 10-Dec-15 08:21:17

Errrr.... Male pride, you inserted the diarrhoea angle to my very well known saying hmm

dementedpixie Thu 10-Dec-15 08:21:52

I don't know why you didn't pass the toilet roll tbh. He maybe didn't want to drip crap over the bathroom floor while getting the toilet roll from the other side of the door. The language wasn't acceptable but he was maybe feeling a bit desperate by then.

Contemplates Thu 10-Dec-15 08:23:25

I think it's reasonable to say if you press someone's angry buttons you can expect they will get angry!

What it's NOT saying is that you're always at fault when someone is angry, only that if you poke a bear with a sick you gotta expect to get a growl!

Spilose Thu 10-Dec-15 08:36:15

In this case I can see why your OH might shout, out of pure humiliation. I also wouldn't use the language he did but I'd be very cross and disappointed if my partner point blank refused to help me out with something so simple when I really needed it!

Grumpyoldblonde Thu 10-Dec-15 08:36:33

You say he is normally laid back, He had a bad stomach and you wouldn't give him toilet roll? Then you said you would call him a fat cunt? 6 of one I would say.

NerrSnerr Thu 10-Dec-15 08:37:17

I don't understand why you didn't pass the toilet roll? He really shouldn't have shouted and woken your daughter up, but I'd be angry if my husband didn't bring the roll in after I had explained why I needed it.

Lastmanstanding Thu 10-Dec-15 08:40:52

Morning all.

Just to clarify he called me names last week which I totally ignored and he aplogised for. It is out of character for him as that's why I fell for him in the first place.

We have had fall outs before twice where he has just walked out for a week and first time he was uncontactable for a week (did not have dd then) second time I asked him if he wanted to leave as he was acting strange, he staid 'yes' and walked straight out the door. For nearly two weeks he was adamant we were over, wouldn't discuss it even though I was begging him to come back and totally stunned he had even done it. He eventually apologised and came back. Dd was a year old then. Every one was hmm at why he had even gone in the first place.

Dp is lazy, I mean really lazy. When he gets in from work that it. On the couch on his phone. I have to tell him to look at me when I'm talking to him or if dd is. The only thing he does in the house is offer me a cup of tea once in a blue moon. He will sit and wait for me to walk in kitchen and ask me to make him a drink or to take his empty plate in. When he knows we have run out of toilet paper he goes up every time then shouts for me to bring it up, which I do, this time I just chucked it up as I was walking past stairs before he had even asked. It must have been less than a meter from the toilet.

He might have had s bad tummy he had gorged himself on three plates of curry and rice an hour earlier while I was still on my first.

He really bellowed last night as in a child's tantrum. He isn't normally like this but I can see him changing. Even though for most of the time he is great I kind of get an under current that I'm irrelevant and just serving a purpose

Sanchar Thu 10-Dec-15 08:45:48

Tbh, it's you that sounds like a nasty, vindictive piece of work.

Why wouldn't you pass someone the bogroll?!?

If I was shouting dh to pass the roll and he didn't I would be apoplectic and would give him a good yelling at once I got down stairs.

Sheesh, some people!hmm

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now