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What happens to Ex-husbands

(3 Posts)
MenInBlack123 Wed 09-Dec-15 20:56:17

I've noticed that there seem to be a variation of responses about what happens to ex-husbands after separation.
I've read a few threads where there is clearly an unhappy marriage and the advice often given is to separate if very unhappy, both go on to live happier lives with other people and share childcare arrangements and try and co-parent as well as you can.
I've read many threads on here about ex-husbands being unfaithful and the response often given is LTB, see how he manages only seeing DC at weekends and he'll probably end up lonely, away from the family home and on his own.
Isn't it that there is a bigger picture and that if there is an unhappy marriage (whether that involves infidelity or not which is wrong and ideally problems should be tackled before it gets to that stage) that ideally the desired outcome should be the same that both parents should have a thriving life after a separation for the sake of the DC what ever happened?
I'm writing this as a single mother who left Ex-H after he had an affair whilst I was pregnant and I've raised my DS for 16 years very much alone but have forgiven, moved on, realised our marriage wouldn't work out after this and so only wanted the best for myself, my ex-h and ds. I have ended up with much less in life as a result (I was done out of a lot of money with no maintenance for the first 2 years), I had to move from a house to a flat, I had to leave my career which was not practical as a single parent etc but I don't see the need to hold that against ex-h for the rest of our lives and we get on well. He has remarried, has more dc and a lovely wife. I have a great life now too which I wouldn't have had we stayed together.
I just don't understand the variation in responses to what others think will happen to ex-h's depending on how the marriage ends.

Dowser Wed 09-Dec-15 22:33:25

Not quite sure what you are asking but I pleased that despite losing out financially you are having a lovely life and are not bitter.

That's good and all that counts.

TwoBoysTooMany76 Wed 09-Dec-15 22:56:02

MenInBlack123 I agree with you... My ex-DH left for OW, he is still with her and they are planning to marry and buy a house and all that... Almost all of my friends still talk about him with a lot more vitriol than me! They think he should suffer for what he has done. But truth be told, he has pretty much move on to his new life without much 'suffering'.

I am in the process of selling the family home and buying a smaller one for myself and DCs. Financially, I may have 'lost out' in the sense that I would have been financially better off with him but I am so excited about my new house (my first ever by myself! As bought my first place with exH), I can do whatever I want to it. And it's no mean feat as I am buying in London. I will have a small mortgage as through luck, our family home has gained a huge amount of equity.

I wouldn't have wished what happened to my enemy, it was thoroughly soul-destroying that first year... But I am really happy now. I am even escaping to Thailand for some winter sun (and meeting my best friend who doesn't live in the same country there!) while he takes our DCs skiing during Christmas week. Life could be so much worse!

I think people feel they need to believe something bad should happen to the perpetrator (the idea of 'karma') otherwise what is to stop their partner(s) from doing the same? It plays to their deepest fears. I am glad you are happy too. Being bitter is no good for anyone!

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