Hi
Im hoping by placing this on here and not on the "male orientated" forums that I might get some dialgoue as oppose to what appear to be very angry men who hate women responding to my situation!
I have been married for 4 years with 2 children. The last 3 years my wife has paid very little attention to me. I mean this is grandest sense but also in thew smallest of ways. Ive tried to understand because when you have children, I understand that priorities can change. But I feel theresa a line, a point where someone just simply stops trying and I cannot help that her behaviour is jsut a little too far.
I think its all just come home to me that I feel like I am just the bottom of her "to do" list. She has a Christmas party on Thursday....she inititally said I could come, but she forgot to buy me a ticket. Shes has since spent ages getting a dress... shes even took the afternoon off work to get her hair and make up done.
And I was left thinking "You have all the time to do this....but what about me when all I get is how you are too tired to focus on the kids birthday, or anything else here".
I recently had depression - and she was supportive. For the first weekend. After that, it was clear my illness was a hinderance. On my first day of sick leave i.e my first day on an antidepressant, first day I was worried and sick for the future, she phoned me at 11am from work telling me the nursery had called to tell her thechildren wasnt well, she asked me to pick them up from nursery and look aftere them. A week later, I had to cancel a mental health nurse appointment....because she "wouldnt be able to make it back from work on time". I was signed up to a course to help my mental health, but it meant she needed to leave half hour early so I could get to my course on time....which she did....for two weeks. then she started coming back later, and later, which after another two weeks she had totally forgot and was coming home later then before the course!! I dropped out, and she never even noticed, I just made some comment about it not working for me.
Birthdays or any special occasion are generally left to the last minute dash around TK Maxx or half hearted attempts - for example, last year she got me film for a camera I wanted....but didnt buy the camera. (It was also the wrong film, which might sound churlish...but Im thinking if she had bothered to think about it for a bit, it was blatenly obvious and not just a simple mistake when stacked up with everything else). The year before she gave me a birthday card, which she hadnt written anything in and an unwrapped present which I had already bought. Oh, I also had to drive 6 hours to her Parents party....and then drive the 6 hours back.
I thought this birthday would be different - for her brithday I took her away for the weekend away and organised everything plus more.....very similar to every other birthday she has had. It is a week until mine, and she hasnt done anything. I know this, because she said it to me and, well, shes not the one to organise "surprises". LAst year, I had to call my mum to get her to look afte the kids,m to go to a restauratn for lunch (which she ended up choosing) and then afterwards she dragged me round the shops looking for a coat for her.
Its even the small things. If theres a cup of tea to be made, I make it. If the children get up, im the one to go to them. If the dog is unwell, im the one to take her to the vet and give her the meds she needs. She never suggests "date nights" - I have to and its left to me to organise everything. Back rubs? Yep she asks for them all the time and does she reciprocate? No. Bedroom? Well, lets just say, one of us does all the work and Ive been made it clear that she doesnt feel the need to do anything to me/for me, and any underwear she buys is "not for me to enjoy". Which I get, but I dont even say anything...
Its all seems to be about giving the absolutle minimum effort she needs to give in order to "get away with it".
She works more then me and so I work hard at home to make sure she doesn't lift a finger....... . She wouldnt be able to tell you were the electricty meter is, because Im left to do all the bills. She even couldnt work the washing machine the other day....I wish I was joking, but thats how little she has to do. I dont mind this at all - I actually enjoy it. But I'd like it acknowledged!
Im trying really hard to understand - she spent two years at home with the children and shes got a great joba and thats going to mean she has that to focus on and the children. But I cant shake that I really am just bottom of the list - part of me thought when she took on this job 3 months ago that it wouild force her hand to be a bit more proactive iwth me....but things are jsut getting worse.
Whenever I talk to her about this ..."So Im an awful person"..."you are making me feel like an awful person". She will shout and get annoyed and I end up apologising for bringing it up. I dont know what to do. Help/.
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12 replies
wolfie3699 · 08/12/2015 08:36
OP posts:
ILiveAtTheBeach ·
08/12/2015 11:45
This sounds really grim. As you have already talked to her and nothing changes, I am afraid to say that in your shoes, I would exit the relationship. The thing about the film (for the wrong camera), is ludicrous! I honestly think you would be happier alone. And who knows, you might meet someone lovely later on, who really appreciates you. 
jessicame ·
11/12/2015 07:15
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