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how do you keep your relationship alive with having four small kids.

(10 Posts)
littleraysofsunshine Mon 07-Dec-15 22:01:28

Almost ten years being together, almost four kids in 5 years. But our relationship seems taken over by being parents.

We bicker a lot, hardly talk conversations, I can't remember the last time we cuddled in bed or on the sofa. We just get tired, run out of time or just end up too annoyed at each other to make the effort. Pregnancy has put me off sex really but intimacy has gone down hill too.

ILiveAtTheBeach Mon 07-Dec-15 22:05:20

If you have 4 kids under 5 years old, life is going to be a struggle! I only had 2 kids (19 months apart) and when I look back now, I don't know how I got thru those early years. The only thing I can suggest, is getting a babysitter once a month and going out on a date. And have sex. This binds couples like nothing else. With contraception!! x

namechangedtoday15 Mon 07-Dec-15 22:08:38

We went through this too. It is really hard. Do you have someone who will babysit for you? When our children were little we went out to a bar down the road - we're probably out for about 2 hours tops but made such a difference.

The other thing I always think is to put yourself in a situation where you find your H attractive. For me, that was being in a group and watching him being the life and soul of the group. So we started having people over for dinner, or a kind of late tea with kids, just so we got more of a social life.

It does come back when the tiredness fades - hang in there. smile

Mermaidhair1 Mon 07-Dec-15 22:49:11

You need to spend time together as a couple. A date night at least once every 2 months. In your situation I would try to get away for a weekend just the two of you to re connect. Then after that start having regular dates. You need to also try and make sex happen. It creates a bond between you and reminds you that you are a couple first.

christmascracker2015 Tue 08-Dec-15 06:56:27

We never have any time away from the children together but we just shag as much as we can. You could want to smash someone round the head but once you shag them its ok again.

namechangedtoday15 Tue 08-Dec-15 09:59:40

I kind of disagree. For me personally, the sex comes after you're re-established that bond. Without the bond, there was no inclination to be intimate. Could you maybe take it in turns to have a lie in - you one Saturday, him the next Saturday - just to get a couple of hours sleep. I know it sounds twee but one night every couple of weeks, even if you can't get out, make dinner and don't have phones / TV on etc and just chat. Do you and your husband work? If you don't have access to babysitters etc could you meet up for a coffee even or lunch when the children are at nursery / school?

Drew64 Tue 08-Dec-15 11:12:49

how do you keep your relationship alive with having four small kids
Commitment, in the darkest of times.

Sadly I can offer little advice other than strap yourself in!
It will get better, when they start to become more independent but in order for it to get better you are both going to have to work at it.
Then they become too independent and are up to all hours so your discression is tested, you become a adult time ninja!

littleraysofsunshine Tue 08-Dec-15 18:17:48

The bond is the hardest bit and it effects the sex. Along with the pregnancy and tiredness and time of course.

Literally feel like we don't really know each other anymore. He drinks more. It annoys me. We don't talk much, technology gets in the way, phones etc.

He has his hobbies, I have none as I have no time.

My motivation is around the kids and I literally feel I have no time for nothing else and do resent he has his time which sounds bad of me.

We use to have. Monthly date night but then it just would be more stress than needed with the kids not settling. Then hardly connecting over dinner.

We bicker more now than ever and we try not to in front of the kids but lately it's like anything triggers it.

He says sex is the big part of relationship, but I don't feel confident and interested a the minute as pregnancy knocked the life out of my energy for anything. But I equally think having a conversation, cuddles, intimacy without sex is just as important but it then causes a rift.

littleraysofsunshine Tue 08-Dec-15 18:19:46

He works. And I'm ferrying school runs six times a day plus trying to build my business from home.

We say take it in turns for lie ins but it never really works out as it just causes moodiness for whoever isn't

littleraysofsunshine Thu 10-Dec-15 14:24:29


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