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Best friend is way too attached to her bf... losing patience with her, don't think I'm being unreasonable.

(8 Posts)
JennyC520 Mon 07-Dec-15 17:41:11

I'm always the one who contacts her 1st.
I'm always the one suggesting to catch up.
When I leave the plans open to her, she takes forever to reply (most recent, I messaged her 2 days ago asking her to set date and time, she's seen the message but not replied. I left the plans open to her because she works and I'm on mat leave so am free whenever) I've not messaged her since, I dont want to nag her.
I'm not constantly asking her to meet up either, I say I initiate a catch up maybe once a month, if that.
She only has time for me when her bf is away on a business trip or something.
When we do eventually meet up, she has to bring her bf along or the meeting doesn't happen.

It's her 1st relationship... so I completely understand her strong attachment to him, we were all like that in our 1st relationships! BUT they currently live together, they're engaged, and they're gna be spending the rest of their lives together.
Am I right to be a bit upset that she can't seem to spare, what, 2 hours one weekend in a month with me, without her bf being there? I get along with her bf but sometimes it's nice to catch up, girly chats, just us two girls. I have messaged her about this issue before, but she always brushes it off, mostly by ignoring that part of the message.
I don't know what I can do about this and bring up this issue with her without making her upset or making it seem like i'm being selfish and unreasonable...At our last catch up, I did want to discuss this with her face to face.. but of course... she invited her bf along... I couldn't say no, we would never meet up if I said her bf couldn't come. I would send her an e-mail or text telling her how I feel, but I reckon her bf will probably read it too.. awkward...

I know it's her life and her time so I can't really demand anything from her, but I don't think I'm being unreasonable... I've met up with her 3 times since September, only once was without her bf cos he was away on a business trip.

I guess I just feel a bit upset that a) she can't spare 2 hours for me in a month, if that. b) these are the last weeks we'll catch up alone, my baby is due next month. c) I'm moving abroad soon, she knows this, yet still can't spare anytime to hang out more. d) She can't go anywhere without her bf and I feel like I'm losing her as a friend in general. I don't know what I can do about this situation, obviously I don't want to lose her as a friend so I'm thinking I might just let it go, but I feel like letting it go also means letting our friendship go.

Suddenlyseymour Mon 07-Dec-15 19:50:38

My first thought is is he in fact insisting on coming with her? As it seems really.....odd... That her bf would even want to come every single time she meets up with ber female friends? Is she doing this with everyone? How old are you all? Just trying to get a feel for what is going on here

JennyC520 Mon 07-Dec-15 20:02:21

ha, I never thought of the possibility of him insisting on coming along... but I highly doubt it tbh...
I'm not sure if she's doing this with everyone or not.. I haven't asked actually, but as far as I know, they're joined at the hips. They spend every weekend and evenings together (as far as I can tell when we eventually catch up).
We're all 24 so it's not like immature teenage 1st love kind of thing (although it might be for her since it's her 1st). I guess 1st love blinds us all ay?

pocketsaviour Mon 07-Dec-15 20:06:16

If it's her first relationship then she may well still be in that "nobody is important but us" stage that most of us have grown well out of by mid twenties.

I think most people are guilty of dumping their friends when they get their first boyfriend. I certainly did, however I was at school and luckily they were all still there when he dumped me after a glorious 6 weeks. If she hasn't been through that process, she may not come to that realisation until all her friends have drifted away, the relationship fizzles out (as it obviously will, being her first), and she suddenly thinks "Shit, I've got no friends left."

I don't know what more you can do if you've already told her about this and she's ignored it. I would probably do a fade, but be prepared to be forgiving when it goes tits up.

Hawest1 Mon 07-Dec-15 20:13:52

Why not try organising girly time, get nails done together or something then lunch. Surely the bf wouldn't want to come to that haha.
My besto used to come visit once a week, we would get munchies, films, face masks the lot! Once my son was bedded it would be girly time strictly no boys allowed! These days it doesn't happen as often, me with 2 kids & her with a dog & planning a wedding but when it does happe

Hawest1 Mon 07-Dec-15 20:14:20

* does happen it's still strictly no boys allowed.

Flamingo1980 Mon 07-Dec-15 20:28:29

I've read similar posts to this so it seems not uncommon and I think it's really depressing and pathetic. Here's what I'd do:
The next few times you meet, talk about something really cringy that a man would squirm having to listen to. Ask your friend for advice about your really heavy periods (go into detail) and then talk about tampons, childbirth - whatever you like to make him regret being there. Don't hold back. Just keep doing it until neither of them think it's a good idea for him to come along.
That's what I'd do.

JennyC520 Mon 07-Dec-15 20:55:48

I would suggest something like nails or w.e but we're both not that type of girl haha and with a baby on the way I don't really want to spend money on unnecessary things!
And also, getting her to agree to meet up in the 1st place is difficult.

I agree that perhaps she's still in her 'nobody matters but us' phase. But it's kinda weird considering they live together! It's not like our teenage years where we'd wanna spend all our time with our bf/gfs cos we dont live together.

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