I met someone online but I was just out of a difficult breakup and not looking for anything serious and neither was he. I saw it as a few dates and nothing more.
Both of us are good people, neither one of us has ever cheated on a partner, neither one of us is a "player" or out to hurt anyone but we'd both been hurt and had our confidence knocked and so behaved a bit out of character and caught each other at our worst.
During the first month I was actually seeing two other men at the same time and was texting a few as well. After our second date I actually slept with someone else :(
I know he wasn't seeing anyone else and that he really liked me and I sort of lied by ommission by not saying anything. I didn't feel we were in a relationship as we weren't I really didn't think anything was going to come of us as a couple and I was in a bad place emotionally and acting out a bit.
We carried on dating quite casually for a bit longer and then I realised I didn't actually want to see anyone else, or even talk to anyone else and so that tapered off but I was definitely keeping my options open and enjoying the attention.
After about the 7th date I ended up having a real panic. He had told me he was only really into casual - so for self protection - I ended it, deciding if I was going to grow to like someone who only wanted casual I would get very hurt.
I ended it, not letting on how much I felt for him and went out again with someone else. At the same time he started chatting with someone else online and ended up sleeping with her a few times.
We ended up dating again, we missed each other, andhe omitted to mention the other person - or flat out lied when asked directly actually and so i found out about her by chance.
I was furious as he'd lied, kept his options open, been with someone else and hurt me. Of course, I have done all of those same things as well but worse - but he does not know this :(
I was quite selfish and walked away as I genuinely had feelings for him which had blossomed and I was just so hurt. I cut him off completely no contact and went back to dating other people for the past month.
He then contacted me to say he really misses me and has genuine feelings for me and I do as well. I know we got off to a terrible start, but I think we just both saw it as casual and acted in ways we wouldn't normally.
My problem is that hypocitically I can't seem to get past him lying to me and being with someone else, I am just so hurt and jealous and consumed with visions of him with her. Worse, I have not told him the truth at all and actually allowed him to feel guilty without being honest myself.
What should I do?
I really like and care about him, but we got off to such a terrible start! I would never, ever lie or cheat in a relationship - I never have - so I feel so hypocritical.
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I am a total hypocrite
11 replies
BlueChopsticks · 07/12/2015 14:53
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