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Best friend dating a guy I used to see

(11 Posts)
VIX1307 Mon 07-Dec-15 13:15:29

So about a year ago I was seeing this guy for about a month or 2. Went on about 5/6 dates and did sleep together. I liked him but it turned out he wasn't so keen and I guess things kind of fizzled out.
He's since contacted my best friend on Facebook and asked her out on a date. Let's just say I wasn't ecstatic about it when she asked me if it was ok, but I said if she really wanted to I didn't mind. He's been single for 5 years and a bit of a player- to be honest I didn't really see it going anywhere.
They've since entered into a relationship. I'm happy for her and glad she's found someone she likes but I don't really want it thrust in my face.

She's texting me everyday filling me in about everything that's going on with them. She's since asked if she can bring him to my 30th birthday party. I haven't seen him since we dated and don't really want to if I'm honest!

I did mention in the discussion prior to them dating that it might be a bit weird if things became serious and I probably wouldn't really want to see him again but she's proceeded with it despite that and now it seems like she's completely forgotten that I even said it!

I guess I'm just wondering if I have any leg to stand on by saying no he can't come (want to actually enjoy my birthday without any awkwardness)or should this be something I should have considered at the beginning when I said it was ok?

Helloitsme15 Mon 07-Dec-15 13:29:49

Just thank her for asking but say you would prefer it if he wasn't there. You are pleased they are getting on well, but you don't have fond memories of him and do not want him at your party.
What else can you do?

Babycham1979 Mon 07-Dec-15 13:30:48

You can have who you want at your birthday party, obviously. Just tell her you don't want him there.

But the rest of it; sounds as if you're still hung-up on this bloke. Why on earth do you have a problem with their relationship when you admit yourself you only saw this guy a handful of times a year ago? You need to move on.

FelicityGubbins Mon 07-Dec-15 13:31:40

It's up to her who she dates, it's up to you who you are friends with, I wouldn't ditch her as a friend but I would make it clear that I don't have ex's at birthday parties, and I don't have any desire to hear about ex's relationships either and bounce it back in her court as to whether your friendship with her continues.

whostheJohnsonnow Mon 07-Dec-15 13:34:11

I'd be rather put out at her insensitivity regarding the party to be honest.
Yes, she's free to date who she likes, and that's not your concern. However she should realise that there's a chance you might feel awkward if the guy cones to your party.

I think it would only be manners to check first. It's not a lot to expect surely?

Redskyatnight01 Mon 07-Dec-15 14:39:23

I wouldn't be comfortable with it either OP and she sounds insensitive the way she's banging on about him all the time to you!

I would just say 'Look, I appreciate you're together with him now and I'm happy you've found someone but I would feel awkward having him at my 30th, I want to enjoy the night and not have that to worry about so on this occasion, I'd rather you didn't bring him. '

VIX1307 Mon 07-Dec-15 14:58:44

It's not that I still have feelings for him of any sort or I wouldn't have given them the ok in the first place. I just don't really want to see or talk about him as he mucked me around a bit and generally don't have happy thoughts about him.
I have already mentioned that maybe I don't want to hear about it, although I'm happy for her and she got very defensive about it all and upset that I wasn't over the moon and didn't want to hear every single juicy bit of detail about him and her. She said she 'doesn't know what my issue is' and it's sad that I can't be happy for her (despite me saying I was).
Oh well I'll just mention it and hope she doesn't kick off again!grin

CocoaPopz Mon 07-Dec-15 15:08:54

This hapenned to me once.

Actually with someone I had dated for a year when I was 17, and then 15 years later he was intriduced to my best friend at a birthday party of mine and they ended up together for a few months.

I can't say I was upset - for a start she asked me if it was okay and I said "yes" and meant it. For a second, a long time had passed and I didn't have feelings for him anymore. Most importantly though, I genuinely loved, cared about and respected them both and was quite happy to see them both seeing someone nice.

I can see your situation is totally diferrent in the sense that he is someone who hurt you and that you maybe would not like to see your best friend with! Maybe it's just seeing her with someone you don't think much of?

bjrce Mon 07-Dec-15 18:50:25

Op.
It's your party you invite who you want.
I would have no problem saying to a friend "no, don't want him there, wasn't v nice to me, happy its working our for you, but he's not invited.' End of. If she had an issue with that, them that's her problem.
She hasn't been particularly sensitive to your feelings. I would point that out to her, particularly if you don't have a boyfriend of your own coming to the party.

forumdonkey Mon 07-Dec-15 19:56:13

Your reaction to a guy you only saw for 5 or 6 dates for a month or so is a bit extreme. Surely after such a brief time with this guy you could be more adult, it's hardly like he was the love of your life, you lived with him or was married to him it was only a few dates.

OctoberRose Mon 07-Dec-15 21:58:02

My best friend once dated my DP when they were about 17. It lasted a few weeks, they didn't sleep together but did other sexual things.

We have both known my DP since we were kids, however she went to sixth form with him whilst I went elsewhere with my boyfriend so wasn't a witness to their relationship. I was 23 when I got with DP, tbh it didn't occur to me to ask my best friend if she was okay with it - oops!

She dated someone else whilst they were still in sixth form - whom she has now married - and both DP and I were in their wedding party. It's never been weird and she's never seemed anything other than thrilled that we are together.

I think your reaction to a very short casual relationship is a bit OTT op, did he do anything to really encourage this extreme dislike?

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