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What would you do in my situation? I have no idea what to do!

(24 Posts)
DCE15 Sun 06-Dec-15 22:58:07

I'll try to keep this as short as possible. Basically I noticed my husband had been looking at pictures of a female celebrity (Bikini pictures!). Naturally I had something to say and went slightly mad at him, and told him exactly how I felt. I feel like it's really degrading, I have low self-esteem anyway so It instantly knocked me back. Not to mention I only gave birth 14 weeks ago to our Daughter so surely you'd think he'd have more respect, I do everything and that's what I get in return! This girl has a body in a completely different league to mine...YES...Photoshop helps with that, but that's still what he clearly wants to have. When I questioned him about it he told me him and a lad he works with were talking about her and looking at pictures...what they were saying I have no idea and I don't want to know! He's apologised several times, but I just can't shake it off. I cry to myself all the time, I hate the body I'm in now, and I'm now struggling in our relationship because I feel so hurt by the situation. What would you do If you were in my shoes? I feel like I have no where else to turn.

frustratedashell Sun 06-Dec-15 23:03:13

Your husband is being very insensitive! It's understandable that you feel vulnerable. You obviously feel self conscious about your body, given that you only gave birth 14 weeks ago . Perhaps you have post natal depression? Does he help you with your daughter? Congrats on the baby!

YakTriangle Sun 06-Dec-15 23:07:28

To be honest, I would try to put it behind me. Looking at some random celebrity in her drawers doesn't mean he wants her instead, or that he doesn't like your body, or that your body is ruined by having had a baby, or any of the other stuff you're thinking.
I think you sound very down on yourself and I think he has been rather disrespectful but crying about it sounds like an extreme reaction, which makes me think there's more going on here than him looking at a photo at work.

DCE15 Sun 06-Dec-15 23:08:00

Thank you so much! He's great with our Daughter and loves her to bits, anyone can see it! I just don't think he realises that it was only 14 weeks ago, and of course it's normal for me to still feel self conscious and a little low at times. I just feel like I do so much, looking after our Daughter, making sure the house is spotless all the time, making sure everyone has clean clothes all the time etc. And this is what I get in return...him clearly fantasising over another woman.

MrsLeighHalfpenny Sun 06-Dec-15 23:09:29

Do you never look at good looking, bare chested chaps and think "phwoar!"? OP?
If you truly don't, then YANBU, but only if you've never looked at David Beckham in his kegs and had a little wish that he'd married you instead of Victoria.

DCE15 Sun 06-Dec-15 23:12:14

I can honestly say no I haven't thought or looked at anyone in that way since being with my husband. But it's the comments that I know he's made about this woman to his work colleague. Drooling, saying crude things. Men are hardly going to look at a Bikini picture and just comment on how beautiful her eyes are...

Oysterbabe Sun 06-Dec-15 23:13:06

In the nicest possible way you are massively overreacting. We're not talking hardcore porn here.
I appreciate that you're feeling vulnerable, and maybe you should talk to someone about that, but I think you should let this go. You can't pick up a newspaper without seeing celebs in their underwear. There's no harm done.

frustratedashell Sun 06-Dec-15 23:13:34

Maybe you need to lower your standards a bit re keeping the house spotless. You and your daughter are more important. Try to rest when she's asleep, I know it's tempting to do the chores while she sleeps! Been there done that!
You're probably exhausted, which doesn't help. It can make you overly sensitive. Is this your first child? I know I felt overwhelmed with my first.

DCE15 Sun 06-Dec-15 23:14:32

He purposely went on the internet and searched for this image. It wasn't asif he stumbled across it. He went looking for it.

BillMurrey Sun 06-Dec-15 23:14:58

I would get a big poster of Daniel Craig like this and pin it up in the kitchen.

I'd write PHWOAR underneath it in black marker pen and discuss it lewdly loudly with any female visitors (even my mum).

YakTriangle Sun 06-Dec-15 23:16:05

But unless you were there, you don't know they were 'drooling and making crude comments'. For all you know, his work mate could have done that, and your DH could have glanced over, said 'oh yes, she's pretty' or whatever, and then not given it another thought. I think you're really placing a lot of emphasis on a fairly minor event.

Vixxfacee Sun 06-Dec-15 23:16:26

This seems to be more about how you feel about yourself.

DCE15 Sun 06-Dec-15 23:17:18

frustratedashell - You're 100% right. But I know if it didn't get done and feel even worse! I know no one's expecting me to be Wonderwoman right now but it's just too hard for me to stop and take time. This is my first child and I'm loving every second of being her Mummy. It's just this nagging in my mind!

frustratedashell Sun 06-Dec-15 23:18:10

Do you think it could be PHD?

frustratedashell Sun 06-Dec-15 23:19:02

Meant PND!

DCE15 Sun 06-Dec-15 23:19:09

YakTriangle - I get what you're saying, but it was searched on my husbands phone, and the way he apologised, he definitely said a lot of crude comments. Otherwise I know him, he would of get defensive.

MrsLeighHalfpenny Sun 06-Dec-15 23:19:28

Never ogled another man since you've been married? Really?
Well done you OP! But I do think you're over reacting a tad.

Solasum Sun 06-Dec-15 23:20:40

You are (presumably) on maternity leave. That time is meant for looking after your DD, not for housework. By all means keep things bearable, but please don't keep it immaculate if it turns you into a martyr and makes you resent your H. How about spending some of the time you have been cleaning on making yourself feel better? I found buying new jeans that fitted nicely, having a haircut, being vaguely groomed, made all the difference to my self image when DS was tiny. If your H is a nice man, he will have consideration for your wellbeing. Bikini shots with a mate are not the main issue here I think.

Congratulations on the baby!

DCE15 Sun 06-Dec-15 23:20:47

frustratedashell - I really don't think it is. I have no other issues, I've been perfectly happy with our Baby and every other aspect of my life. PND just sounds so serious.

DCE15 Sun 06-Dec-15 23:23:34

A Spa day would probably be ideal right now! I must admit!

frustratedashell Sun 06-Dec-15 23:23:37

What do you mean by it sounds so serious? The thing that makes me wonder is you said you are crying all the time and you hate your body.

Oysterbabe Sun 06-Dec-15 23:27:15

Well you wanted to know what we would do in your situation. Personally I wouldn't give it a second thought. I might say that I agreed that she's pretty hot if she is. I wouldn't be upset or worried in the slightest. DH has been subjected to me casting many an admiring glance Ryan Gosling's way. It's a pretty normal and natural thing to do and I reckon the majority of people wouldn't be too bothered.
But you obviously are, he probably knew that you would be and should apologise. Then forget it and move on.

Viviennemary Sun 06-Dec-15 23:29:07

I really wouldn't give this much thought. No more than women drooling over George Clooney. And I don't think their partners will be worried about that or rushing out to have plastic surgery. You need to stop fixing on this.

OhYesToYestyn Mon 07-Dec-15 00:38:03

he did sincerely apologise, so that's a positive. I hope he also says reassuring things to you re your appearance, if not then let him know that it's time he's complimented you!

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