Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I finally told him

(14 Posts)
Purplelemons Sun 06-Dec-15 17:36:14

I posted some time ago regarding my ex boyfriend who I have been on and off dating since the breakup.
We spent a good deal of time together this week and I finally thought things were looking up. However, he ignored me yesterday he didn't text me back all day.
Today I text him and he replied with such a non committal response as usual and I realised I cannot do this any longer so I told him this is the last time I can do this. I told him I'm not asking him to make any decisions yet but that this is the last time I am willing to put myself through this.
His reply - "you do what you need to do"
I suppose that's my answer? He doesn't want me, he just likes keeping me hanging on. I also suspect he's been dating someone else, a feeling I've had during this week but ignored because things were looking up.
I can't say I'm looking for anything from this post maybe some hand holding and reassurance that I'll find a decent guy finally after letting this one go?

TokenGinger Sun 06-Dec-15 18:08:05

You're doing the right thing. He's probably kept you on the sideline to keep him company until his new thing is set up properly.

If there was even a small bit of him that wanted you, he'd tel you not to be so hasty. Somebody who tells you to do what you needs to do no longer needs you for their amusement or enjoyment.

I'm sorry he's such a cockbag xx

MotiSen Sun 06-Dec-15 18:11:03

Yes, there are people willing to take and take, never giving in return -- as long as there are people willing to give and give without expecting anything in return. Probably, he seems more attractive to you because he is unattainable. That happens. But, if you really look at what he does, he's not so attractive. I hope you can see that.

Say someone told you that if you let him go, you'd never find anyone else. Would you still want to pursue a life with someone who uses you when convenient?

Not saying you won't find anyone - just a consideration. If you really want to find someone good, you will.

SoleBizzzz Sun 06-Dec-15 18:11:37

He doesn't care very much about you. Time to cut him out of your life totally. To sleep with someone etc knowing this is cruel.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sun 06-Dec-15 18:23:20

I told him I'm not asking him to make any decisions yet but that this is the last time I am willing to put myself through this.

What? How confusing are you? No wonder you got a weird response. It's not him that has to make the decision, it's you!

You are right to dump him, it wasn't good for you, you can find someone better.

Are you sure he knows that he's dumped though?

Purplelemons Sun 06-Dec-15 20:34:33

I would still walk away even if I wouldn't find anyone new. I'm just scared I will be in that situation and never meet "the one"

I was not very clear, I know he got the message though, it took so much courage to tell him this is the last time I'm more pleased I finally told him. Even if right now Im feeling like I regret it because I do care for him despite this being the right decision.

abbsismyhero Sun 06-Dec-15 20:37:24

you haven't made it clear to him at all! send him another message thank for making my decision easy enjoy your life and block his number

flowers

Jux Sun 06-Dec-15 23:02:42

You won't find anyone better while you're with the one who's crap. Get rid, once and for all. Take some time being alone, working out who you are, what you want and who you want.

tribpot Sun 06-Dec-15 23:10:38

I would still walk away even if I wouldn't find anyone new.

So have you walked away, or haven't you? It strikes me you are deliberately leaving the door open so that if he 'decides' to 'come back' (i.e. fancies another booty call before going back to ignoring you) he can do.

I can't imagine what decision you need him to make. There's no incentive for him to end this properly. The current ambiguous situation benefits him and doesn't benefit you.

AnyFucker Sun 06-Dec-15 23:14:50

Yes, I am noticing an undercurrent of "could still be persuaded" too

scarlets Sun 06-Dec-15 23:16:59

Perhaps you could send a final farewell text, wishing him well for the future, then block him on your 'phone and social media immediately.

Purplelemons Mon 07-Dec-15 08:39:20

I do have the desire for him to come back and tell me he was wrong.
But stronger than that is my desire to be with someone who loves me and I love, who I trust and I don't trust my ex any longer.
That undercurrent is there, this is hard for me (and I'm sure it has been for many women before me) but I will not let him come back. Too
much has happened and the trust has been eroded.
Regards the bootie call, I've told him when this began again this time that we will not be having sex unless we got back together, that hasn't happened so we haven't slept together for a while now. He knows better than to suggest such a thing.

AnyFucker Mon 07-Dec-15 09:57:57

You need to stick with it then and not cave when he comes back with a bit of sweet talk.

Or more likely he waits it out until you seek him out for "closure" and then off it goes again.

Scarftown Mon 07-Dec-15 10:49:17

I'm in a very similar situation. I told him last night I couldn't do it anymore. I deserve better. I will be fine and so will you!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now