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What am I supposed to do about this?

(6 Posts)
stuckinthemiddlewithpoo Sun 06-Dec-15 13:03:26

DH was tidying the living room this morning and while bending over has hurt his back. He was screaming and limping around, scaring DC and I.

Then sat there with his head in his hands and wouldn't speak to us to say he was ok. Then disappeared off to the bedroom and lay down, still without saying a word. All the time I was asking shall I call a chriropractor? Do you need a doctor? Painkillers? No answer.

I just went into our bedroom with the youngest to see if DH is okay and he's lying in the dark. Youngest is restless and doesn't want to be on my lap so is squealing and DH starts a tirade at me about how the house is so messy, how the DC's are so messy, how it's all my fault because if I had tidied up before he did, he would have never hurt his back.

He has form for blaming me for anything he can, especially in these sorts of drama filled scenarios where he is screaming and crying and "injured." It's especially effective because I feel that I cannot stand up for myself because he is the one who is hurt or the victim.

I hate being so cynical to put injured in inverted commas, but I want the kind of relationship where we can have a mature discussion about things rather than DH manipulating situations where I am forced into the position of the bad guy.

BlissfullyUnknown Sun 06-Dec-15 13:05:57

Tell him to stop acting like a child. The children, the House, the mess. Equal responsibility!

Handywoman Sun 06-Dec-15 13:40:01

YANBU. I recognise the scenario from my own crap relationship with my now stbxh. I'll bet the reality is that this isn't an isolated incident.

My inept stbxh had a history of twinging his back when incredibly wound up due to being expected to shoulder the burdens of family life (his back would go into spasm) so in the following circs:

When tidying up (where a foul mood was a given)
When being expected to parent his own kids e.g. When I was at work.
When having to spend his free time doing family stuff instead of lazing on the sofa I front of the telly e.g. Mowing the lawn on annual leave

Took me a while to figure out the pattern. It was the entitled attitude that was at the root of it.

My marriage to him was littered with events ruined by his bad back e.g. Concerts I was involved in, weddings, hen nights, all sorts.

Believe it or not his own health is his own responsibility, not yours. He doesn't get to behave like an arse because he's done his back in. He sounds like a baby. Look for patterns in his behaviour and don't put up with him treating you like shit.


Mlb123 Sun 06-Dec-15 13:40:02

I doubt his back was nothing more than a twinge, but that put it in his mind that a bit of acting on woukd ensure he could play the victim, make you feel guilty and ensure you do the housework and look after dd in future while he gets to lounge around. Its cruel genius. Does he have form for being lazy but blames you instead of stepping up and properly helping?

Atenco Sun 06-Dec-15 13:44:06

What an ugly personality trait that is.

My mother said that my grandmother was the type of person who, if she was all alone in the house and dropped a cup, it was YOUR fault because she was thinking about you when it happened.

Mlb123 Sun 06-Dec-15 13:46:25

If the back was really so painful he would be saying yes to the doctor or painkillers not limping off silently stewing. What a manipulative arsehole. Hugs for you and little one. Let him sulk in the bedroom and show no further concern or else he will see this as a great pasttime next time housework or unwanted activity is expected xx

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