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What is going on in that head of his?!(7 Posts)
So there are 2 possibilities that could be going on with OH...1) He's losing the plot 2) He's an idiot who thinks I was born yesterday. My money is on the latter tbh.
This is more of a rant as I've been awake for 2 hours, winding myself up about this, and I know that venting will stop me going up there to poke his eyes out (light hearted, would never condone violence). This may be long as I want to give a full account!
So OH has a dd. She lives the other side of the country so she only comes in the school holidays (she's 7). Back in March all dates for holiday visits for the next 18 months (up until end of summer holidays next year) were agreed by OH and ex and put into writing. I used these dates to book my a/l as OH doesn't have enough leave to cover every visit. For some reason, unknown to man, they both agreed that his dd will come down on boxing day. That's fine, I've arranged my shifts at work around this.
After much discussion with OH it was decided that we really didn't want our 3yo ds sat in a car for 6 hours on boxing day (I'm working xmas day and boxing day night) so we asked my parents if they would mind having ds boxing day as they are having a family gathering (we live 100 miles away so wouldn't have gone) and overnight, as they are coming down for a couple of days on the 27th anyway. Remember, this was all discussed with OH prior to making arrangements. It would mean that, on the way home, he could cut across the county which would take 90 mins off the journey home.
Last night this little nugget came out of his mouth...'god boxing day is going to be a long one. Up to said town to drop ds off, up to city to pick up dd then back to said town so dd can see my parents (who live in the same town as my p's but are coming to ours the day before nye)'. I'm like 'whoa, whoa back up a minute! What do you mean you're going back to said town after picking up dd?? The whole point of ds staying the night at my p's was so you could get as far as the A30 then cut across on the way back, making a shorter journey fir you and dd'.
His reply? 'It has always been the plan that I was going to go to my p's on the way back (uh, no it wasn't. That was never discussed). When will they get to see dd? (Um the 30th as planned? They were invited for xmas and declined, their problem not mine)' I asked wtf was the point in me arranging my shifts and childcare ON BOXING DAY around this journey if he's decided to change it all anyway? Thus was the best thing that came out of his gob 'it was always planned that I would return to said town to see my parents, why is it all about you and your family? Why do I have to work around you?'
He has totally rewritten the whole discussion and outcome to suit him. He genuinely believes that the new plans he has made up in his head is what has been agreed. He's fucking nuts and clearly thinks I am stupid enough to start questioning myself about the whole thing.....I'm the one whi has had to arrange the whole fucking day to suit him, he wouldn't have bothered. I was so at the shite that came out of his mouth that I just went to bed. I didn't even question him, although I'm in no doubt that my face spoke a thousand words!
Anyway, thanks for listening. I now feel much calmer getting that out
Argh! So your 3 yo will still be in the car for hours? Not following all the bits but it's test annoying me him to rewrite things to suit himself.
Aargh! It's because men have no common sense! It's soooo frustrating. We had a situation like this, a few months ago. My DH needed to go to his Dad's (40 mins away) to drop the dog off, as he was dog sitting when we went away. He also needed to do another job in that town. So what did he do? Went there at lunchtime to do the first thing, and didn't take the dog to make the drop at the same time? WTF? So he drove 40 mins there, did the chore, drove 40 mins back and picked up dog, then drove 40 mins back again, dropped dog and then came home. It just doesn't make any sense, whatsoever. This sounds like the same mentality.
I think men were last in line when God was giving out logic
He genuinely believes that the new plans he has made up in his head is what has been agreed.
Does he have a habit of thinking things to himself, and then assuming that he's told you and discussed those things? Because I have to confess I've done that a few times myself
Sorry I went out. So I had a chat, apparently the plans he made were made in August. At no point in 3 lengthy conversations did his memory jog about these plans, even when I was on the phone arranging the childcare he has lost it...
Why do you make all the arrangements? So what if he doesn't bother? Surely he is the one with the main interest in seeing his own DD? Does he really arrange access assuming you will use your own annual leave to care for his child?
What are you going to do about boxing day?
In future I'd send him an email to confirm the conversation, then you can resend him the same email 6 months down the line when he tries to rewrite history. Maybe word it along the lines of:
Just sending us both a quick summary of the arrangements so
you dont try to squirm out of it we don't forget
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