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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Tell me I'm being stupid

11 replies

Cat2014 · 05/12/2015 22:14

Dh has a lot of work functions, some overnight. He's on one tonight. Ds was playing on dh iPad and I came down and he was looking at his Facebook. I took it away as he's only meant to play his games on there. I had a quick look, I know I shouldn't have but there was a picture on of his last night out that he had hidden from his timeline, of him with his arm around a stunning woman. It also looks like they're holding hands but I can't be sure. I'm so worried, I'm being stupid aren't I as it could be and probably is perfectly innocent. I am an anxious person and this is making me anxious about his night out tonight.

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TokenGinger · 05/12/2015 22:18

If he's happy enough to leave his iPad lying around, it's unlikely he's had anything to hide. It's probably most likely that he's not accepted the tag on the photo/hidden from timeline so as not to make you feel this way.

We all work with people of the opposite sex. Some may be attractive. We're friendly with these people and hugs rarely mean anything more than "look at me with me pal". He's probably hidden it because he's aware you could misconstrue it and doesn't want to upset you.

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Fairenuff · 05/12/2015 22:19

Overnight work functions? How often are they?

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Amazemedontbeacunt · 05/12/2015 22:20

Why hide it from his time line though?

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Cat2014 · 05/12/2015 22:22

Thank you for the replies, they are about once every 2 months but he's just been away on a work trip with their colleagues for nearly 2 weeks.

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Cat2014 · 05/12/2015 22:32

It is possible he hid it because of me. I used to be paranoid but I've got a lot better now (outwardly - inwardly I am in turmoil when he goes away). I have sent the photo to myself from his iPad so I have it in case I want to show him in the future. I won't be bringing it up now in case it causes problems that are only in my head

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Amazemedontbeacunt · 05/12/2015 22:44

If it's something he has to hide from you then it's something he shouldn't have done IMHO, sorry

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pocketsaviour · 05/12/2015 23:03

I used to be paranoid but I've got a lot better now

Were you "paranoid" because of something he'd actually done, or was it just your own fears and insecurities playing on your mind?

I do have some sympathy with your DH if he is perfectly innocent - he may well have seen he was tagged and thought "Oh no, that will upset Cat so I won't show it on my timeline, or it may set off her anxiety again."

If he was actually playing away I would think it's more likely that either the colleague wouldn't be dumb enough to post a photo of the two of them, or if she did he'd tell her to remove it.

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Cat2014 · 05/12/2015 23:31

Years ago he had an emotional affair and also did the whole chat line thing. All a long time ago but I've struggled to trust since.
I reacted by retaliating which wasn't my finest hour. Since then I've really tried to stop being paranoid but I can't help but feel out of my depth. He's too much of a catch for me and now I'm getting older and have had a child all these gorgeous women he works with will seem like the better option, I know it
I think I need something to knock me out im never going to sleep tonight

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Goodbetterbest · 06/12/2015 08:24

Seems to me that your feelings stem from real experience, so not in your head and not for you to 'snap out of'.

In my experience, I'm sorry to say, when my senses started to tingle it was generally with just cause.

What will happen if you tell him you saw the picture? Will he be understanding and reassuring do you think? His reaction will tell you a lot.

Did you have a look at other stuff on his FB? Or anyone else's posts tagged?

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Mouthfulofquiz · 06/12/2015 08:28

You are projecting your own lack of self worth onto probably an innocent party picture. Maybe you need to address that? Why do you think he is worth more than you?

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Cat2014 · 06/12/2015 08:53

See I don't know whether to tell him or not that I found it.I didn't look at other stuff really - only the pictures of the same night. ds was there so I just sent it to myself and put the iPad away. I think if I told him he would try and reassure me but maybe be upset that I looked. I honestly don't know! He got back at 2:30 last night and is still asleep now.