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Twatty things my ex says

(38 Posts)
Andrise Fri 04-Dec-15 20:42:28

A number of us have posted on the cheating thread. So much pain there you can almost touch it. I think it is incredible that we all have somewhere to express our pain and share with people who understand, but for anyone who is feeling sad tonight I thought i'd start a lighter thread where we can all laugh at our exes instead.

I'll start off with this gem from my ExH who loves a pompous phrase. He texted me tonight talking about a trip he has arranged for the children on Sunday:

"I have bought tickets for DC1 and DC2 so please manage their expectations" a real gem of 1980s management speak which dates him beautifully!

pocketsaviour Fri 04-Dec-15 20:46:11

Oh that's delightful. How did you not reply "I've let them know you will consistently be a twat for their whole lives. That's what you meant, right?"

My ex used to say "At the end of the day babes, what I've always said is..." before coming out with something he'd NEVER said before and was often the complete opposite of what he had said!

Andrise Fri 04-Dec-15 21:25:16

Ha ha Pocketsaviour, don't tempt me! I did think of asking him if he was channelling CJ in Reggie Perrin smile

whatyouseeiswhatyouget Fri 04-Dec-15 21:35:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Andrise Fri 04-Dec-15 22:03:22

Ah yes the old "best interests of the children" classic. Ranks up there with my Ex's other classic - "I thought I deserved her, I had the career and the wife and family so I thought I deserved a mistress". So wrong in so many ways!

Joy69 Fri 04-Dec-15 22:42:17

Long lists of things, but the classic the other day was when I told him I needed to do work on my house. "You can ask your Mummy friends if they know any builders & sleep with them for an hours work" The builders that is not my friends 😂

Lacoba66 Fri 04-Dec-15 22:47:02

Ex DP used to go on and on about how he wanted to give up smoking weed, as he knew it wasn't good for him, but would be rolling another joint whilst spouting it!

strawberryandaflake Fri 04-Dec-15 22:53:38

My ex came up with 'So strange that you have a dent round your middle just from wearing clothes that are too tight...' I was a size 8 and he was referring to my waist. Wanker.

MaHeidMaHeid Fri 04-Dec-15 22:58:10

Whilst giving me reasons as to why he didn't want to meet his newborn daughter - "it's like my mum always said, you can't miss what you never had so if I don't meet her I won't be missing out " hmmangry

sugar21 Fri 04-Dec-15 22:59:52

I get the sob story. " I didn't mean it, I still love you, I'm so sorry, I miss you,
Yes exh you miss me but you fell in love with Jack Daniels and he changed you into an aggressive violent twat

Nodramallama Fri 04-Dec-15 23:31:43

ive got so many I think I'll be a while.

1)"I don't live with them what do you want me to do?"
You don't live with them because you left to be with ow you twat.

2)"im entitled to go out every weekend because I work"
So do I you twat.

fucking twat!!!

I'll be back with more.

UmbongoUnchained Fri 04-Dec-15 23:36:59

"I don't need to buy DD a birthday present because I pay child maintenance."

Cloppysow Sat 05-Dec-15 00:10:59

"You have the privilege of living with them full time, so i get the privilege of not basing my life around them" about his children.

Cloppysow Sat 05-Dec-15 00:12:46

"You treat me like a babysitter. I don't have to take them overnight you know, i do it as a favour to you, to help you out a bit"

Nodramallama Sat 05-Dec-15 00:20:31

Are our exes the same person cloppy

TokenGinger Sat 05-Dec-15 00:22:52

"All you are good for is a man to get his dick wet." - says the alcoholic who has lost two children through his problem when I caught him cheating.

AndOnAndOn Sat 05-Dec-15 00:26:45

Ex- MY daughter should be with me for New Year, she was with you last year...
ME- but OUR daughter was with you the previous four years?
EX- let's not dwell on the past??!!

StarkyTheDirewolf Sat 05-Dec-15 02:43:52

"You're average...at best" at the time, that stung, and even worse, I totally believed him. Eugh!

4sidekicksplus1 Sat 05-Dec-15 03:15:58

Here is the background...STBXH, who is still living in the ME and DS and I have been back in Canada for the past 10 months arrives next week for Christmas. I have been on my own with DS while working for the past 10 months while here and have been out maybe 3 times without him. He comes everywhere with me whether it be work meetings outside of school hours, my football practices/games, events/openings at galleries, you name it!
I have a work Christmas do next Friday night which is when he arrives.
STBXH says to me "oh good, I can babysit so you can go to the party"....Arrrr, it's not called "babysitting" when you look after your own child for a few hours after 10 months!! Twat.

TooSassy Sat 05-Dec-15 05:58:58

Some of these have me shock

My best one was 'you're not normal'. Followed by a multitude of reasons I wasn't!

Said by the STBXH who had been engaging in behaviour as far away from normal as you could get for a married man with a young family.

I'll never forgive him for the fact that on top of cheating, he tried to chip away at me and bring me down. Utterly despicable behaviour!

Aussiemum78 Sat 05-Dec-15 06:45:43

I don't suffer fools....in response to me having a different opinion to him.

Oh and I'm fat (size 14), which apparently makes me untouchable to any self respecting guy.

CuttedUpPear Sat 05-Dec-15 06:57:48

From my long departed XP;
"You'd be better looking if you were part Spanish".

confused huh? I'm not sure if he fancied himself as some kind of super-geneticist.

EatSleepTeachRepeat Sat 05-Dec-15 07:35:14

Ha ha glad I saw this as yesterday I received a single white rose in work - thought it was from my BF of 8 months. No it was from my ex (ex of 2 YEARS) - I told him I thought he was a fucking psycho and he said "I just thought it was a nice gesture to remind you of me!"

Errr no thanks dickhead, a nice gesture would you be taking a long walk off a short plank into shark infested waters covered in chum.

Total TWAT

wonderingsoul Sat 05-Dec-15 07:42:20

Ex only speaks to dc via console time

"I'm going to stop playing if you keep winning"

Dc is 9 and he was deadly serious.

Cloppysow Sat 05-Dec-15 07:45:50

"Whats wrong are you on your fucking period you clown?" When i told him it was up to him to sort out his parents seeing the kids when they came to visit our city.

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