That's why I asked what your job was because I support abused and neglected children which can make me a lot worse on certain days- as your aware no two days are the same.
Some days are smooth but others- if I take disclosures or the children are having a hard day struggling with their own mental health and uncontrollable impulses and behaviours this can affect my mood and strength.
Regarding work I'd say speak to your boss or above your boss if you don't feel comfortable. Ask for a supervision and express your current emotional state and how work can affect you. Explain your medication situation and that your dose may be increased or changed next week.
I think it will benefit you if they are fully aware that you may require some support yourself. There are things they can put in place for you to be more comfortable and supported when you have those awful down days.
As above depression is not a choice and you will not be discriminated for it. This is not your choice and have every right to remain in employment and have your best interests met at all times. Your manager has a duty of care to you also.
If this doesn't work then as above speak to HR about it and they will come in and meet with you and your manager to put things in place like a contingency plan and/or risk assessments if required.
Work is a pressure but especially when your roles and responsibilities are to maintain the welfare and support of vulnerable people who cannot do this themselves.
They need to support you not just for you but also for the service users.
Good I'm glad your going to the doctors, maybe an increase in dose or a change of medication and if you ask they can prescribe you a PRN medication as they did me for my particular down days. Hopefully this will help you. Sometimes it takes a lot of trial and error to find the best suitable medication.
Anti-depressants are a continuous effect however there are some days your mind cannot control feelings and thoughts. The PRN may help you with this.
Yes the waiting list is quite a struggle, I waited 6 months for my first session and to be honest I was in one of my darkest places back then. They do however prioritise patients with regards to their present possible risks and well-being so it may be worth asking your GP to send a follow up letter after your appointment next week in the hope he can express some urgency for you.
As above depression can be better managed with medication and LIFESTYLE. Lifestyle is very important too. So if you have some time/make the time to get yourself in a routine.
Follow each day to a pattern with regards to your personal relaxation time, like a bath, hot chocolate before bed, watching a favourite movie and eating your favourite meal on your lower days- although I appreciate your appetite may not be great on these days.
Be sure to get fresh air and go for a routine walk before or after work and especially your days off. Do you have any hobbies? Keep your days off busy if you can but don't exhaust yourself. Tiredness will not help. Eat plenty of healthy meals and snacks and drink the recommended daily amount of water. Being well nourished and hydrated contributes very well to your mind and energy levels.
Begin a diary and each day good or bad write your feelings down. Even if you go on and on pages and pages this will help to off load, also if you wish to share then express some things on here also. Many people have experienced or are experiencing this kind of thing and will be only to willing to offer you support and guidance.
Get rest and ensure that just before going to sleep that you off load your feelings in the diary or on here and then play some gentle low music in the background and pamper yourself a bit by moisturising and putting on some face mask. This will help encourage some of those natural endorphins your body and mind need to relax and settle.
Your friends are trying to be strong and positive for you by giving you some words of encouragement and at the same time they may also not understand at all. However you do have some lovely friends for trying.
Try and find that particular friend or group of friends and make an evening of it to sit down with them. Ask them to listen whilst you get in touch with yourself deep down and express yourself from your mind and heart.
Sometimes a long clear chat can help people to understand you a bit more.
Plan for your therapy- bullet points that you wish to rectify and in what order. Write them down and even take your diary with you when you go. I did and this was very helpful for me and the therapist.
If you feel yourself tired and low on your days off ensure you have had sufficient sleep and rest but do try not to let lazing in your night wear and isolating yourself a habit. Fresh air and walks, coffee with friends, shopping for yourself and treat yourself where possible. Also a good couple of hours flat out cleaning your house and making a fresh bed ect can pass some time and make your surroundings feel more pure and comfortable.
Get some aromatherapy candles and bubble bath to and reflect on how your feeling daily. Log what works and what doesn't and exceed what does as best as you can.
As above do set yourself goals and targets and make a plan to do something fun, spontaneous and different.
Assure yourself you will get much better than this and you do have the strength to regain a quality of life.
Enjoy your life and be healthy sweetheart. Make the most of everything around you.
Life is not about what you've got, it's what you make of what you've got.
Here if you need to chat.
Xx