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(8 Posts)
whattodo89 Thu 03-Dec-15 19:47:48

I'm going to post this in a few places because I am after as much advice as I can get. Please don't flame me, I am feeling horrendous enough as it is.

I am almost 7 weeks pregnant by a man I have known for a few months. He lives an hour away so I have only seen him at weekends so it is fair to say we are as good as strangers.That said he has been very supportive, would support my choice whatever I decided.

I have been undecided until now. I want an abortion. HOWEVER... I have a 7 year old who overheard a conversation between my friend and I. He realised I was pregnant and is now completely over the moon.

I kept telling him it's not a baby it's a seed but his mind is set, he's constantly rubbing my tummy, talking about 'our angel', wanting to know how the be the best big brother etc. He has wanted a sibling desperately for years. He is amazing with babies and incredibly loving towards them. He told me this morning finding out about the 'seed' is the best thing that has ever happened to him. He keeps asking how many days until it's born and going into details about what he'll do with it.

With that in mind, I don't know if I can do it. The guilt in terms of my little boy would be over-whelming. He is so very sensitive and still cries regularly over his pet who died 2 years ago.

Now I know it sounds mad to consider keeping a baby for the sake of not upsetting my son, but I honestly feel like it would be incredibly traumatic for him to believe I lost the baby or the seed did not grow.

Please please help and please don't flame. I hate myself for not being more careful about my son hearing. What a mess.

pocketsaviour Thu 03-Dec-15 19:55:44

Oh gosh, what an awful situation OP. No flaming here, I don't know why anyone would.

I am not sure when you wrote:
I have been undecided until now. I want an abortion.
Did you mean you WERE decided and you want to terminate?

I think unless you were in two minds yourself, you cannot change your decision based purely on what your son overheard. Children have to handle disappointments all the time, for all of their lives. Shielding him from this would mean you'd be putting off his temporary pain and exchanging it for a life with less money, less time and resources, two DC without a father living with them to help out with anything, and ultimately a less happy mum.

Obviously you wouldn't tell him you terminated. I'd probably go down the road of "I was mistaken, sometimes mummies make a mistake and think there is a seed when there isn't."

TheDowagerCuntess Thu 03-Dec-15 20:08:57

Very much agree with pockets - I think you have to focus on the bigger picture.

I really empathize with having a loving, sensitive DS who would be so upset by such an outcome, but you really do have to do what is best for you and for your family, long-term. That might mean terminating, it might not, but you have to reach that decision and be absolutely OK with it within yourself, and without such an outside influence.


LineyReborn Thu 03-Dec-15 20:10:06

I posted on one of your other threads.

Atomik Thu 03-Dec-15 20:12:50

If I had to face the same circumstances I would probably chose to tell my son the doctor said the test was wrong, becuase he checked your tummy and there isn't and never was, a baby in it.

RiaOverTheRainbow Thu 03-Dec-15 20:19:36

You wouldn't ttc just because your ds wanted a sibling, you can't have a baby just for him. If, on the other hand, part of you wants another baby it might be worth reconsidering the pros and cons to make sure you're making the decision you're happiest with.


Handywoman Thu 03-Dec-15 20:46:08

Oh goodness. OP if an abortion is the right decision it's the right decision.

Everything else can be managed, sensitively, including your son. You can't shield him from life's disappointments. He would have to cope if, for example, you miscarried. It sounds like a difficult enough time without your ds emotions in the mix.

Take care OP.

Viviennemary Thu 03-Dec-15 21:04:14

He'd have to cope if you had a miscarriage. It is sad though but you have to be practical. Hope things turn out for the best.

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