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Please help me. I'm an alcoholic

(205 Posts)
Marryoneorbecomeone Wed 02-Dec-15 09:17:00

Just that really.

I know I have a problem, I'm behaving very badly, and I need to stop.

I drink because I'm bored and lonely in the evenings when the kids are in bed. My marriage is stale but he's a good man and I'm letting him down.

Do I just turn up at an AA meeting?

wonderingsoul Wed 02-Dec-15 09:21:39

Well done on making the hardest step. You should be proud of your self.

You could go to the gp. They will be able to help you.

Go can put you in touch of support groups to or you could Google them. I would phone up first.

There is also support online.

You can do this.

snowvelvet Wed 02-Dec-15 09:22:13


I am an alcoholic too. A sober alcoholic now, but I attend meetings regularly.

If you go on the AA website and select a day and allow your current location it will show all meetings within a 20 mile radius of you.

Admitting and accepting it is the first part of the steps. All the best.

Marryoneorbecomeone Wed 02-Dec-15 09:28:04

I've found a meeting this afternoon in the next village. How long do they last?

I can not drink for a while but I can't seem to have just one or two glasses. One is too many and then the bottle isn't enough.sad

snowvelvet Wed 02-Dec-15 09:33:28

Meetings last between an hour and an hour and a half.

They follow a general format and start with everyone introducing themselves. This is normally, "I'm Snowvelevet, I'm an alcoholic."

You do not have to do this. You can say pass.

They will also generally ask if anyone is attending for the first time. It's not to embarrass, but to make you feel welcome and let others know and help. AA is the most welcoming place I've ever been.

There will be a couple of readings normally. The preamble and sometimes a short part of the big book. Depends on the type of meeting.

You don't need to feel like you have to share.

Happy to answer any questions and enjoy the meeting.

donajimena Wed 02-Dec-15 09:48:51

Step into the dry thread too. It's very supportive.
Well done for reaching out.

Notasinglefuckwasgiven Wed 02-Dec-15 09:49:49

Well done in facing the problem. You've taken the first step already! Remember you aren't alone and you can beat this, it won't defeat you! You are already a step ahead of the illness by confronting it. Best of luck today and I'm sending you a virtual arm around you today.

mulranna Wed 02-Dec-15 09:57:48

Big step - well done to you.

There are lots of blogs and online support that you can access - as well as the dry thread there is this on MN

But RL support is critical. Does your DH know you have a problem and want to fix it ? Will/is he supportive?

BoxofSnails Wed 02-Dec-15 10:16:01

Hi there. I'm a sober alcoholic too and that first step is really hard. My recovery started at AA but I get the equivalent support from church now. AA is definitely the best place to realise exactly what alcoholism is and how many others are in the same position. You don't need to carry the shame and guilt anymore.
AA meetings vary - most are 90 minutes and very, very friendly. Good luck, pm if you'd like to talk.

Marryoneorbecomeone Wed 02-Dec-15 11:48:38

I haven't told my husband. I'm not really sure why.

I'm very scared of where I am now, and also of what life might be like without it.

I'm letting everyone down living like this. I drank last night and feel dreadful today.

This started about 3 years ago when I was prescribed antidepressants. They lifted my mood but they affected my sleep terribly and I started having a glass of wine to get to sleep, but this has spiralled out of control. And I still don't sleep. The best I've felt was when I had a course of sleeping tablets.

I saw my GP and she referred me for CBT.

GashleyCrumbTiny Wed 02-Dec-15 12:36:51

AA is the best thing I ever did. People there get it. The format of meetings can vary a bit, but they'll all be full of people who have been exactly where you are. You can just rock up - but if you're brave enough to go up to someone who looks like they know what they're doing and tell them it's your first meeting they'll explain how that particular one is run, and what to expect. It's honestly the best thing I ever did. I vividly remember feeling exactly how you describe. I don't feel like that anymore. smile

Twinklestein Wed 02-Dec-15 13:09:25

The obvious thing would be to stop taking those particular antidepressants, and take some sedative antidepressants instead - they will help you sleep without the need for alcohol.

Marryoneorbecomeone Wed 02-Dec-15 13:37:00

Thankyou Gashley that's very encouraging.

Do you tell people or just keep it quiet?

Marryoneorbecomeone Wed 02-Dec-15 13:38:45

Twinklestein I stopped the ciralopram because it was making my brain fuzzy. I've read that cognitive impairment can be a big issue with it.

Do you mean something like amytriptaline? Is that likely to trigger weight gain or fuzzy thinking?

BoxofSnails Wed 02-Dec-15 14:12:31

When you saw your GP, did you explain all of this? They would be best placed to discuss medication, however knowledgeable we are here (but no, amitryptiline doesn't cause weight gain, you might be thinking of mirtazipine. Occasionally they might use sleeping tablets to help you thru this patch but with addicts like you and I it's risky as we can transfer dependance).

I suspect your husband will be relieved but might also be full of other emotions. I've known meetings to be 'opened up' where a newcomer brings their spouse or friend etc with them. They really will get this at AA though, and it is so good to be understood.

GashleyCrumbTiny Wed 02-Dec-15 14:14:20

Do you mean do I tell people outside of AA that I'm an alcoholic? Not generally. My husband and parents know, because by the end there was no bloody hiding it - things were starting to spiral out of control. One or two of my friends know, but most people don't. Frankly, it's not really anyone's business - especially once you've stopped and get a semblance of normal life back!

MrsFring Wed 02-Dec-15 14:22:05

Do give AA a try OP. I've been sober for a very long time but vividly remember how you're feeling now. There is a spiritual side to AA but you can take or leave that, it's no big deal. What you will find is a roomful of people who share your concerns and will want the best for you, with no judgement.

Good luck OP.

Marryoneorbecomeone Wed 02-Dec-15 14:23:43

Yes I told my GP all this. She's also a friend and offered to refer me to "drugs and alcohol services" but I said I'd try CBT first. It was ok but clearly hasn't solved anything.

Marryoneorbecomeone Wed 02-Dec-15 14:24:22

Why does AA work? Is it the discipline of going and publicly admitting it?

BoxofSnails Wed 02-Dec-15 14:36:35

CBT doesn't tend to work in addiction. DAT might be the right road for you - everyone is different.
At its simplest, AA works by sharing "experience, strength and hope" between people. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. You'll be encouraged to share contact numbers with people (first name only tho) so you can talk if you want to drink until the urges pass.
The DAT teams are slightly different in that they do some group therapy, some 1 to 1 counselling, it varies from area to area.
Try and see. Keep an open mind and find a place where people have what you want (peace of mind and no compulsion to drink maybe?)

I went through a phase of being over honest with everyone about it. Now I have my professional job back and new friends and new roles. I share if it will help someone - or if it's needed. Unfortunately because I was a single mum social services had to be informed by my GP - sounds like yours has been less hasty in that regard. When's the meeting you thought you'd go to? If someone on this thread is local, they might come with you - I certainly would.

MrsFring Wed 02-Dec-15 14:40:13

Those things, yes. More importantly - for me, at least - it's the knowledge that everyone in the room is exactly where you are; no pretence, just genuine warmth and support from others who can truly empathise. It's a magical feeling.

If it's not for you, well, you haven't lost anything and you can try other solutions.

All the best. X

Marryoneorbecomeone Wed 02-Dec-15 14:40:25

I was going to go to a meeting this afternoon but one of my children is poorly so there's another tonight at 8. I'll have to explain something to my husband. sad

Tell me the bit about social services?shock

BoxofSnails Wed 02-Dec-15 14:46:37

Don't worry about social services - your GP would have told you straight away if she was concerned and felt the need to inform them.

I was drinking nightly when I first asked for help. Too much to have been properly responsive to DD. They felt duty bound to report. There's more to it than that but it's the reason I'd always say try AA first. They are there just for you, you can just listen, and nothing is repeated outside the room.

UsernameIncorrect Wed 02-Dec-15 14:52:28

I've seen my GP many times over the years about my alcoholism and he's never involved Social Services. I always spoke about my DC and my worries about how it (I) affected them.

The best of luck. Being sober is AWESOME.

Marryoneorbecomeone Wed 02-Dec-15 15:00:49

Thankyou, for all your encouragement.

I just told my husband about going to the meeting tonight. He gave me a big hug and let me cry and then said he was surprised, but "if you think it's a problem then it's a problem."

He doesn't drink at home so it's straightforward to keep the house booze free.

We talked a bit about how I drink in the evening to release tension and sleep, and boredom. I said I'm thinking of joining a gym. They're expensive but nothing like what I've been spending on fine wines!

So here we go. Today is Day One.

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