Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Totally confused, trembling terrified.

(70 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

brokencrayons Tue 01-Dec-15 22:45:44

Please help. I'm trying to process just what's happened. I'm 41weeks 2 days pregnant, had a sweep today. Feeling awful and weepy and a bit stressed out. My husband and I just had an argument tonight that ended with me trying to stop him from, I don't know? He just came at me! Slammed his hand on the table and lunged towards me screaming that I was a lazy bitch, So I grabbed his arms to stop him from coming closer, but he kept pushing forward, driving me back to the other side of the room. So I tried to snap him/shock him out of it and slapped his face. he was trying to throw his weight around it was horrible, I got rag dolled about a bit as I tried to push past him, i thought i was going to fall back. he kept pushing me backwards and then he was like knocking my face about but gently enough, not like a full punch it slap? I finally got past him but was shaking so much I couldn't actually walk? Then he starts saying how pathetic I was " oooh are you shaking now? Going to have a miscarriage?" Then starts to say that Im a husband beater and that im a phsyco. And that he has proof I attacked him as he has red marks on his arm from where I was trying to push him back. I feel like he is trying to turn this around on me and if I tell my mum or dad he will just show them his marks on his arms and he said they'll see what a maniac I am. I'm so fucking confused, upset, worried, alone. This is out if character, completely. He is usually so caring and nice. We have children together and have been married 5 years. I could literally give birth any day now and I don't know what to do? Did I attack him? I don't even know?

brokencrayons Tue 01-Dec-15 22:47:59

I'm currently sitting on bed while he sleeps in another room. Praying I don't give birth. I don't want my daughter to be born into this mess.

PamDooveOrangeJoof Tue 01-Dec-15 22:48:02

Call the police love. I'm sorry tho a has happened to you xx

LastOneDancing Tue 01-Dec-15 22:53:19

Do you have somewhere you can go to calm down and get your head straight?

It sounds awful Crayons

brokencrayons Tue 01-Dec-15 22:56:25

I don't want anyone to know what's happened right now, I have no family here close by and as I'm so close to giving birth I sort of want to stay in this area. Also worried about upheaval of kids etc. sad

applesvpears Tue 01-Dec-15 23:01:34

Is it worth trying to talk to him? Maybe if he has calmed down? Especially if it is out of character? Is he in another room? Are you scared? If it is out of character maybe talking is an option. Sending hugs xx

helloelo Tue 01-Dec-15 23:04:40

I've asked for your thread to be moved to relationship where lovely supportive posters are used to giving advice in this situation. In the mean time, my msg will bump your thread in the active convo list.
Hang in there.

brokencrayons Tue 01-Dec-15 23:05:53

Sorry, should've posted in other section xx

NeitherQuietNorCalm Tue 01-Dec-15 23:07:11

Don't talk to him, fuck him, he's gaslighting and assaulting you. Please call the police x

helloelo Tue 01-Dec-15 23:07:23

It is a good question apple
OP if you're scared, just go to hospital and spend a few hours getting checked. At least you'll be safe there.

April2013 Tue 01-Dec-15 23:53:15

I think from the perspective of you being heavily pregnant you should go get checked out at your labour ward. They will want to check you and the baby are OK and reassure you about that, think of your health and your baby's health first and then you can deal with the bigger picture after. They will know how to help you as it is common for men to become violent when their partner is pregnant, they will have seen it many times before and will just want to look after you and your baby and won't judge you. You will need to tell them what he did so they can judge whether they need to monitor you extra closely or do anything else. You can also discuss the birth partner situation with them. Good luck op x

Lillylou1991 Wed 02-Dec-15 12:04:58

Not posted on this thread yet but seen the times and just wondering if all is ok OP?

flowers Sending thoughts and hugs

LiquorsOnDeck Wed 02-Dec-15 12:06:21

How are you op?

TheOnlyOliviaMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 02-Dec-15 13:35:11

brokencrayons

Sorry, should've posted in other section xx

Hello
Hope you are okay, OP
Let us know if you'd like us to move this to our relationships topic.
Thanks
MNHQ

Whatdoidohelp Wed 02-Dec-15 13:39:37

Please go to hospital to be assessed and have this incident recorded. Social services and the HV need to know. Imagine if his had happened if you had a newborn in your arms. Take care of yourself and your dc first and foremost.

SewingAndCakes Wed 02-Dec-15 14:16:29

Hope you're ok and that you've been checked out at hospital flowers

AnotherEmma Wed 02-Dec-15 14:26:23

It wasn't your fault OP. When you hit him it was in self defence because he was already intimidating and attacking you. You were terrified and desperate. Please don't let him make you feel guilty or responsible about that.

Is there anywhere safe you can go? Do you have a good friend or supportive family member who lives nearby? If so could you go and see them for a hug and a cup of tea? I'm sure it would do you the world of good. And it would reassure us lot to know you're somewhere safe!

I think that you and your baby are in grave danger from this man. When you're in a safe place, or when he is out of the house, I think you should call the police to report his assault. If that feels like too much or too scary, please go and see your doctor. They will be able to check you're ok and make a record of it. This could be useful if and when it happens again.

Please also contact Women's Aid, they will be able support and advise you.

Good luck flowers

brokencrayons Wed 02-Dec-15 19:56:58

Hi everyone thanks for your replies. I'm still confused as to what I should do next. He went to "work" (business start up , no money ) today as normal so I've been home alone all day, as usual ( I don't drive and live rurally ) so lots of time to think/freak out about what the future holds. I'm going to take the kids to live with my gran over the Christmas holidays in another town for 2 weeks, that will hopefully give us the breathing space we need to sort our heads out. There is so much stress surrounding us right now, new baby coming, unemployment , homelessness in the new year to
Boot! It's all going on. The pressure is unbelievable. I'm going to try and not stress out about him and try to focus solely on me and my three kids. Take one day at a time, try to avoid him as much as possible.

brokencrayons Wed 02-Dec-15 19:57:58

This stress can't be good for my baby. Maybe that's why she won't come out!

hesterton Wed 02-Dec-15 20:00:47

Good idea to get some space between you and him right now. It was assault though, you do see that? Did you go for a check up? Have you considered logging this with the police?

hesterton Wed 02-Dec-15 20:01:22

I mean, he assaulted you. What you did was to try and fend him off.

SewingAndCakes Wed 02-Dec-15 20:06:48

Has he shown any remorse for the way he behaved? Please take care.

brokencrayons Wed 02-Dec-15 20:11:37

I didn't go and get checked, I can't get to the hospital without him driving me there ( an ongoing problem, I'm going to get driving lessons in the new year ) its a good 30 mins from where we live. The other problem I have is that I really don't want any of my friends or family knowing the extent of what happened. I know what he did was wrong, but he has bruises on his arm from what I did! I'm scared he will flip it around on me if I report him or tell family what happened. I know it sounds really silly, but you've no idea how he makes me doubt myself, especially in a situation like this. There's just so much he could say and I'm not confident I have the skill or self esteem to fight my corner verbally and defend my actions. I don't have a way with words. I'm probably rambling now and not making any sense.

Anaffaquine123 Wed 02-Dec-15 20:15:04

I'm really worried about how he will be towards you and the baby after she is born.
Also if, say you are kept in, how would he be with the other kids.
I think you should tell your family and friends about this. They will support you and help you. If they don't know, they won't help.

brokencrayons Wed 02-Dec-15 20:15:05

No remorse. he offered to clean my sons school shoes for me while I was getting kids ready for school but I just ignored him. I think it was him trying to offer an olive branch in a subtle way.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now