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Feeling vulnerable....

11 replies

MissN92 · 01/12/2015 21:07

So I'm unsure if I should be posting this here or in the pregnancy bit but it is more relationship based ....
I am 20 weeks pregnant and feeling low and insecure and pretty vulnerable; my partner and I have been together for 6 years (this is our first child) and until now I have felt pretty secure; however in the last few months I have been feeling very vulnerable and recently done something I have never done before; snooped in his Facebook! I am so ashamed as I know that these things begin downward spirals and I have only done it a handful of times; he just feels distant and I know that I am not my best just now (I am a bit all over the place, and feeling very - unusually - insecure) Anyway I noticed he had some messages to other girls I didn't know/heard of much/not work colleagues of friends (one being a 'friend' another being an ex ...) and then these messages disappeared - this of course has cause my mind to go crazy.
I am unsure what to do as I have never felt this way before and feel very alone and slightly unsupported in my pregnancy - all of which is making me act and feel completely out of character.
I feel like if I confront him I will look ridiculous, but feel that hiding things is wrong.
I cannot cope with an argument, as have been quite physically unwell in my pregnancy and just don't know what to do; any advice is welcome!
Thankyou in advance.

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Scornedwoman67 · 01/12/2015 21:16

Sorry you are feeling like this. Your body is of course raging with hormones & being pregnant is tough. What were the messages about? Just friendly chit chat? If so I'd forget all about them. If they aren't though, (and I'm assuming they are as you haven't said otherwise) that's a different matter.

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MissN92 · 01/12/2015 21:21

Mixed ... some were friendly chit chat, some were flirtatious... and if it were round the other way (me saying what he was) he would not be comfortable with it ... its obvious there is something in it, as he has friends that are girls and I don't mind; that's what I mean, I am not a crazy, unreasonable, jealous type. This just gave me that horrendous gut feeling and I really just don't know what to d about it/whether its worth the hassle of confrontation! And deleting things just isn't like us ... its just upsetting. Sorry to say all of this on here; I just needed to get it out!

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Scornedwoman67 · 01/12/2015 21:37

Don't apologize! That's what MN is here for. If you have that 'gut' feeling then I think you should ask because if you don't ask it is going to eat away at you anyway. I would havea serious think about your options now. If the messages are not innocent he may own up but equally he may not. Either way you need a plan & I can say from bitter experience that a) men are good liars and b) pretending it isn't happening won't help you in the long run.
Do you have any real-life friends you can rely on for support?

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DancingGoose · 01/12/2015 21:44

sorry you're feeling so vulnerable. it's such a horrible feeling, and of course you'll be feeling more like that when you're pregnant.

how's your relationship generally at the moment?

have you heard of the women he was flirting with? can you ask him about them?

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MissN92 · 01/12/2015 21:44

That's what is bothering me; my gut has never let me down before - its just such a hurtful situation anyway, without my current physical state. I had support, but recently moved so am pretty isolated just now apart from people my partner knows and his family immediately close by (which undoubtedly isn't helping how I am feeling just now!) This time is supposed to be fun and exciting, but it just isn't. I know burying my head in the sand and pretending nothing is bothering me isn't going to help .... but its so much easier isn't it?! I just feel so incredibly weak right now (emotionally and physically!)

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MissN92 · 01/12/2015 21:48

DancingGoose; generally we are great - 6 years, live together, usually very open and honest. That is why this has come as a huge blow; he has been slightly out of character (as have I due to pregnancy) and i just feel like if he was ever going to do something - it would be now. Gosh it is horrid. He has been going out with friends a lot more and just acting differently - he says he excited about the baby etc but I just feel abandoned throughout pregnancy (maybe he is having some kind of crisis and is saying good bye to life before parenthood?) I am just hurt he wouldn't talk to me ....

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DancingGoose · 01/12/2015 21:52

it sounds like you looked at FB then as you sensed he is behaving differently.

if you ask him do you trust him to be honest? or could you say how you are feelings (abandoned etc) and see where the conversation goes?

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MissN92 · 01/12/2015 22:15

DG; I think so - it is very out of character for me to do such things! I just don't want it all to be turned around on me and for me to look stupidly insecure or immature. My emotions and mind are just all over the place just now. I think I will have to have a serious think and see where I want to go with this ... but I am already feeling like I don't want to not say anything...if only for my sanity!
Thankypu - sometimes its helpful just to get things out to make sense of things a bit beTter!

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DancingGoose · 03/12/2015 10:03

how are you feeling today MissN?

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PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 03/12/2015 10:12

So, the mesaages just disappeared while you were online looking at them?

FB has a lohlgin alert, when you log in from other devices. Perhaps he saw you were online and deleted them from his end.

Also, I know I'm not going to be the only one to say this, but in a short space of time you've become pregnant and moved a way from your support network to closer to his. Now, it's statistically overwhelming that abusers really step it up when the woman is pregnant, and moving the woman away from her support network is a tactic.

This doesn't but I magically mean he's abusing you, of course. But it will certainly explain why you feel do vulnerable.