what do I do about his strops?

[strawberryandaflake]

I'm going slightly crazy. I'm expecting twins any day now and my OH is driving me nuts. Whatever I do is wrong, he's always hinting that I am having flings... With a delivery man, with my parents next door neighbour, with a happily married friend. He just keeps saying 'as long as you're being honest with me'.

If I stay home all day, which I do most days given I can barely walk, he wants to know who's been round and doesn't believe me when I say no none.

Last night he had a go at me because I went quiet for 5 minutes while I was eating my dinner and didn't hear something he said properly, then had a go at me for lying and pretending to hear what he said about vegetables. If I had said I didn't hear he would have accused me of being bored in his company.

Without having a massive fight, which I don't want because of the babies, what do I do? I've tried talking to him and he calms down and promises not to donut again but he always does and it's always over something ridiculous.

[strawberryandaflake]

Do it. Not donut.

[BertieBotts]

He sounds unhinged. Is he your only source of support?

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

Try this questionnaire

Now is definitely the time to have a massive fight. He is being a dick. It will be harder to have the fight when you are sleep deprived and managing twins.

[strawberryandaflake]

Not really, my friends and family have all but moved away though so getting to them when I can't drive (carpal tunnel) is a bit difficult.

[tribpot]

When he does it again, do you say "you promised not to do this again, why are you doing it?" or do you get drawn in to defending whatever ridiculous accusation he has come up with at the time?

This really doesn't bode well - repeated accusations of infidelity are a form of control, and you're about to enter an extremely stressful period of your life in which you will need to be supported, not controlled.

Honestly I think the best thing you can do is say "I'm not going to engage with your ridiculous accusations. I'm not being unfaithful but I refuse to defend myself over and over again". And just keep saying that.

[strawberryandaflake]

Thanks, Rabbit X

[goodnightdarthvader1]

He's controlling, not "having strops". This will only get worse. How long has been like this?

[strawberryandaflake]

Since I got pregnant. He kept asking if I was seeing anyone else at the same time.

[Costacoffeeplease]

Yep, ridiculous controlling behaviour. You really need to nip this in the bud, if you can, or it will only get worse

[Costacoffeeplease]

A lot of abusive men show their true colours when their wives are pregnant, be very careful here

[strawberryandaflake]

I've been bottling it up but I can feel myself about to explode.

[tribpot]

Pregnant and physically isolated - two classic markers for abuse to start.

[strawberryandaflake]

It does seem more and more that way.

I just called him to see when he'd be home and he asked who was in the background. It was quite clearly the telly. Then he followed up with a text asking why I rang as I don't usually.

[Costacoffeeplease]

Please don't put up with this, I really don't like the sound of him. Is there nowhere you can go?

[strawberryandaflake]

Not really :-(

[strawberryandaflake]

It's my house. He can go to his gran's.

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

Have you responded?

[Costacoffeeplease]

Ok good - let him go to his gran's, and see if there's anything to salvage from there

[strawberryandaflake]

I called be use I had a vm, but no number came up. Thought it might be him as signal on the train is always pants. I just wrote that if I hadn't called him back and it was him, he'd only have had a go at me about that and I won't bother calling again. He hasn't replied.

[ouryve]

I'd tell him, in no uncertain terms, to fuck off.

He's an abusive wanker. It's his choice to change that (which I doubt he will do), or you can remove yourself from it.

[Walkacrossthesand]

Has he ever raised a hand to you?

[strawberryandaflake]

Yeaah. I had one like this before but it wasn't serious so it was easy to get rid. I don't particularly want to be a single parent if there is anything I can do about it though.

[strawberryandaflake]

Ha, no, never, he knows that I can defend myself that way and he's end up worse off!

[Costacoffeeplease]

But there's nothing you can do - if he wants to change that's one thing, but it's not for you to fix

[strawberryandaflake]

Is there a chance he's just nervous about being a dad and being over protective?