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is "can we start as friends" leading a chap on?

(12 Posts)
smokedkipper Tue 01-Dec-15 17:56:46


been on a first date with a chap , very sweet, got on really well, I'd like to see him
again but I don't (yet) fancy him.

He seems very keen on me and I do genuinely like him. I don't think there HAS to be an immediate attraction for there to be a relationship in the future. But.... How do I say this without (potentially) hurting his feelings or don't I say it ???


cuntycowfacemonkey Tue 01-Dec-15 17:59:47

I don't think you need to say anything yet, just go on a second date and enjoy his company.

If he wants to get physical just say it's too soon for you and you would like to get to know him better first. If after a few dates you don't feel any attraction then just be honest

smokedkipper Tue 01-Dec-15 18:06:57

Thanks ccfm

I shall see how it goes, id really like to think "phwoar" but I just think "awww"

But if he's a "good un" he'll respect my wishes won't he.

Justaboy Tue 01-Dec-15 18:10:16

smokedkipper Oddly enough this is how most relationships start get to know someone develop feelings towards them and then get physical. If its going to work then it will if not it won't, simple as thatsmile

And no i don't think instant attractions are always the case, ever heard that notion of "growing feelings";?.

SoWhite Tue 01-Dec-15 18:11:50

I definitely 'grew feelings' for DH. It took me 4 years!

Justaboy Tue 01-Dec-15 18:13:54

SoWhite LOL! the sixty four million buck question is was he worth the wait;?

SoWhite Tue 01-Dec-15 18:14:55

He was, he's bloody lovely.

He's in the kitchen baking a pie as we speak. That's reason enough to love him.

pictish Tue 01-Dec-15 18:16:11

I disagree that there has to be instant attraction. I think attraction (for me anyway) largely depends on personality, values, skills and compatibility.
A guy could be attractive as you like, but if he's not on my level, it's not happening.

firesidechat Tue 01-Dec-15 18:28:47

I've been happily married for 30 plus years to a friend who I didn't fancy at all to start with.

He doesn't bake pies though, so I may have to send him back. grin

catfourfeet Tue 01-Dec-15 18:45:56

I don't know if he bakes pies yet , that could be a deal breaker wink

I can imagine spending more time with him , so i'll chill and "what will be will be" thanks all

(hurrah for MN)

SoWhite Tue 01-Dec-15 18:56:07

I fully recommend stating 'must bake delicious pies' on your OLD profile going forward!

ChippyOik Tue 01-Dec-15 18:59:02

I think one step at a time ought to go without saying!!! If somebody believes that you owe them sex or a relationship when you're still trying to get to know them a BIT then, then they're far too presumptious.

I'm laughing at ''i cook good pies''. I don't though. I cook nice vegetarian food. Maybe I should put that in.

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