Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Never forgiven yourself after cheating?

5 replies

SameOld27 · 01/12/2015 16:28

I cheated on my partner (currently ex as working on things) with a work collegue ( no sex involved) but dont think I will ever ever forgive myself. Im only 27 & have been like this since I was 23. I know I will get slated etc & everyone does make mistakes but does anyone else feel the same? X

OP posts:

Report

MrsGradyOldLady · 01/12/2015 16:36

See a counsellor if you can.

I suffer from anxiety and have a tendency to feel guilt over every bad thing I've ever done since the age of about 6. It's really not helpful as you can end up stuck in an endless loop. Seeing a counsellor really helped me realise this.

Report

OhBeloved · 01/12/2015 22:23

Speak to a vicar? The church know about forgiveness.

Report

spudlike1 · 01/12/2015 23:27

We're all human ..no one's perfect ...

Report

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 02/12/2015 06:42

4 years really is a long time to feel guilt for a non sex fling with someone else.

Does your (ex) partner know?

The guilt isn't helpful. Use it to acknowledgr that no one is perfect, or immune to the allure of another person.

Then decide whether it happened because you took your eye off the ball or because your partner wasn't really right for you.

If it's the former, the protect yourself against it happening again by being mindful of your thoughts, feelongs, behaviours around/about others. If it's the latter, end it.

There isn't really much else to do.

How long had you been together when you cheated?

Report

SameOld27 · 02/12/2015 09:18

We had been together since we were 18 & had an unplanned baby at 21 (far too young when i look back now) I think I took my eye off the ball but at thr time he also wasnt right, out all the time etc after our son so I know that when someone paid me attention I ran away with it. I fell for both him & the whole situation ( he was married) it went on for about two years then one day I realised what an idiot I had been. I wanted to tell the truth to my partner straight away but my family told not to, for two years I was anxious, guilty, on antidepressants, i stopped doing 1 on 1 things with my partner, anything intense/romantic I avoided. A year last month whilst away on holiday I confessed the truth, we flew back a week early from holiday & my partner moved out. He then in time completely forgave me, I have never forgiven myself. After getting pregnant in June & we both knew it wasnt the right time, I had a termination & we ended thjngs again. However we are now getting along very well & have the odd date etc. I think my main problem is I love him, im not head over heels with him & I expect too much from the relationship i.e. the slightesy bad thought about him or anything I panic & think about ending things as I shouldnt be thinking/feeling bad things. I am almost certain that if I was to ever be with anyone else & have another child/spend 9 yesrs together that I would feel thr same as I do now. The thought of holiays etc jow still panic me but I have asked him to go out for drinks etc, little strps maybe ?