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Battle between parents at Christmas

(14 Posts)
frillybiscuits Tue 01-Dec-15 10:47:44

I think I might have posted about this before briefly but it's got worse and I'm torn between what to do.

Before moving out I always spent Christmas Day with my mum and my dad would visit in the morning to exchange presents. Last year I spent it with my exOH and friends. Now OH and I have split up my mum assumes I'll spend Christmas Day with her and her boyfriend. I have arranged to spend Christmas Day with my dad which is 2 hours away. I said I would go see my mum in the morning and then he would pick me up. I told my mum this and she got very angry. Calling him selfish for expecting me to spend Christmas with him because I'll be 33 weeks pregnant and it'll be 'too dangerous' and 'too much' for mehmm . She said she won't bother buying presents for me or baby if I don't go to hers. The whole thing is really childish and I don't know how to spend Christmas without causing tensionsad

QueenofallIsee Tue 01-Dec-15 10:49:49

As soon as someone gives me an ultimatum, I do the precise opposite. You are a grown woman, do what YOU want to do for Xmas and sod your Mothers amateur what if she sulks and doesn't get a gift

Arfarfanarf Tue 01-Dec-15 10:50:39

spend the day with your dad.

The whole day.

Do not reward manipulative behaviour.

Or you will never see the end of it.

coffeeisnectar Tue 01-Dec-15 10:57:38

That sounds very childish of your mum. If she wants to see you then she should be happy you are willing to split the day.

Bearing in mind that next year you might not go at all then she needs to grow up a bit.

AttilaTheMeerkat Tue 01-Dec-15 11:16:59

Your mother assumed wrongly.

She is blaming you because you have chosen to spend the day with someone she detests with all her being i.e. your dad.

Do not reward her bad behaviour at all by visiting her or apologising because you have nothing to apologise for.

Is she prone to such histrionics in any event?. Has her man encouraged this behaviour?. What is he like?. You do not need her presents, infact if she is prone to such nasty behaviour anyway I would keep your child well away from her.

LyndaNotLinda Tue 01-Dec-15 11:21:36

I was going to type out a long post but it would just say what everyone else has.

Don't reward this type of manipulative behaviour.

magoria Tue 01-Dec-15 11:26:36

Make your stand now before the baby is here so that she knows that you will not be blackmailed with the threats she makes towards you and the baby in future.

Otherwise you will be stuck in this cycle going forwards with your DC used to punish you for not doing what your mother wants.

Joysmum Tue 01-Dec-15 11:59:04

Id cut your mum some slack in how you deal with this. Whilst those posting a hardline approach before me have got a good point, I'd give one last opportunities butt for her to back down. If she doesn't she doesn't but you'll have tried smile

She's reacted very badly because she's hurt. You can email, text or in person acknowledge that you understand her hurt and also explain that you're finding it hard too etc etc and need her to remember that and that you feel torn which is stressful for you and are doing the best you can to keep everyone happy.

As I said, if she can then appreciate this and back down then all's well and good, if she can't THEN you take the hard line as others before me have been quick to express.

GashleyCrumbTiny Tue 01-Dec-15 14:00:02

What they all said.

whatyouseeiswhatyouget Tue 01-Dec-15 14:04:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Helloitsme15 Tue 01-Dec-15 14:08:28

So she is saying if you don't do as you are told there will be no Xmas presents?! How old does she think you are?! 3?

Nanofone Tue 01-Dec-15 14:21:44

She may be hurt, but her response is completely unreasonable. Hopefully she'll realise this once she's calmed down and be happy to go along with your plans. If not, you should politely stand your ground and not give way to her manipulative behaviour.

LyndaNotLinda Tue 01-Dec-15 14:26:31

Someone who says that they won't buy a present for their own child and their grandchild if they don't spend the whole of Christmas day with them doesn't deserve kindness.

There's simply no excuse for a grown up to behave like this

mintoil Tue 01-Dec-15 19:17:20

Does she have form for being so awful and controlling?

I am divorced and leave it up to my adult DD where she spends Christmas Day ( and any other day!) This year she is spending the day mostly with me and then going to see her dad in the evening. It wouldn't worry me if she told me she was spending all day with him, even though I would like to see her on Christmas Day, it's up to her and it's not worth getting upset over.

I certainly wouldn't be throwing my toys out of the pram and refusing to buy people presents unless they did as they were told.

She sounds pretty spiteful and childish.

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