I've had a moan on here before about FIL, but know it appears to be finally coming to a head. Sorry for long post, but don't want to drip feed.
I've been with DH 5 years, married for 18 months, and have almost 8mo DD.
DH has never had a real relationship with FIL. FIL left MIL when DH was 3, and never made an ounce of effort to have a proper relationship with DH. He swanned off and got remarried (wife number 3, was married before he married MIL), had another son. As you can probably guess, that marriage also went down the shitter.
FIL and DH reconnected just before I met him, and have more of a "mates down the pub" relationship, than a real father-son relationship. In recent years, FIL met a woman who had recently become wife number 4. They live in the middle of nowhere, a few hours away from us, and have a little miniature farm.
DH's new DSM is, to put it bluntly, the most self-centred person I have ever met. She's the least maternal person on this planet. She literally recoiled away from DD in the few times she's seen her. All she ever talks about is herself, or that fucking farm. It takes every ounce of my effort to not scream out loud "no one cares about your barstarding pigs other than you!"
Safe to say, our idea of a real family, is very different from FIL+WifeNo4's.
My parents live quite a distance away from us as well, but regardless, value the time they spend with DD, and make the effort to come over to ours or we go over there a few times a month, and both my mum and dad ring a few times a week just for a chat and to see how DD is doing.
FIL however, does not call, has only been to our house twice in 5 years, and has seen DD 4 times in her life - 3 of those times has meant us driving the 2 hours there, for me to stand in knee deep mud out in the cold/wind/sun at the fucking farm while holding newborn DD. The other occasion, was DD's Christening. We were expecting FIL, WifeNo4 and DH's step brother to be coming. The day before, FIL calls and says he will be coming alone. Ok, whatever. I'm always ok with avoiding conversation with WifeNo4. He came to the church service, along with all of my extended family. DD fell asleep just as the service ended, so I was just about to pop her in her pram to walk down to the community centre where we were having a buffet and the like. DH comes over, and says "Can Grandad have a cuddle?", so I said, can he not wait until we get to the community centre and have a cuddle when she wakes up. Apparently not. As FIL was leaving there and then. Is it just me, or is that just fucking unbelievable? That he couldn't stay for an extra hour or so in order to spend some time with his granddaughter on her christening day?!
Since the christening, we have heard hide nor hair from FIL. Not even a phonecall. And when DH has tried to ring, he's got the anserphone every time. DH got a text the other day, asking what DD would want for Christmas. A minute for her grandad to actually seem to want to see her maybe?!
After that DH decided it was time to ring FIL, and confront him about his behaviour. He made it quite clear that it seems FIL does not seem remotely bothered about spending time with his granddaughter, and that I am beyond furious about it. FIL seems oblivious that he has done anything out of the ordinary
He's now decided that he will make a visit even though he needed to be prompted by DH to do so, and I have requested that he come alone, without the heartless cow WifeNo4. Which is all ok with her apparently (yay! ).
Now my question is, after all this crap, how do we handle this visit? DD is a very clingy baby. She freaks out if I hand her to anyone other than DH or my mum, and cries if I leave the room. I'm worried how she will react to FIL, as she has only seen him a handful of times, and most of those she was a newborn.
Also, I'm pretty sure FIL will be very stand-offish with me, as clearly this is all my fault, as he has done nothing wrong in his opinion.
I'm dreading it.
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Relationships
Finally having it out with FIL
SparklyTinselTits · 01/12/2015 09:33
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