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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support. emails - Do I just ignore the ones I don't like?

(20 Posts)
Mrswinkler Mon 30-Nov-15 12:56:51

Or do I politely decline further contact. I know I should have read the dating threads on here...... Complete novice!

whatyouseeiswhatyouget Mon 30-Nov-15 13:02:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cabrinha Mon 30-Nov-15 13:05:33

I ignore any that are shite!
I won't waste my time even copy pasting a standard line to someone whose sum effort is "hi sexy".
It's fine to ignore that!
If someone has taken the trouble to write a proper email, I think it's good manners to reply - though you're still not obligated. Then, I stick with the "thanks but I don't see much in common, good luck on here!"

BaronessSamedi Mon 30-Nov-15 13:06:51

its fine to ignore.
or, you could just say "i don't think we're a good match. best of luck with your search."

Blossomflowers Mon 30-Nov-15 13:06:59

Just ignore, really there are not enough hours in the day replying to people you are not interested in.

Mrswinkler Mon 30-Nov-15 13:21:46

Thanks. Just had a panic when I got my first one.

Advice appreciated, sure I'll be back at some point.

BaronessSamedi Mon 30-Nov-15 14:38:08

be aware that for some men, it's simply a numbers game.
some hit up 100, 200, 300, 400 women plus, with the rationale that they're bound to get a shag from at least one of them surely.
they love fresh meat too.
you'll learn..................

Cabrinha Mon 30-Nov-15 14:59:23

A warning for you that you might get the "aren't you going to reply?" types. That IME usually gets sent within 24 hours hmm

My advice is never to engage with that. You don't want to be with someone needy / pushy / aggressive. So don't feel obligated or guilty just because they've chased you!

Cabrinha Mon 30-Nov-15 15:01:54

Yes to fresh meat!
I did Match twice, a year apart, and got several copy paste messages from the same men.

It's quite handy to see that they obviously react instantly to someone new, and that they're not putting time into a message.

Not that either of things are bad - it's just, SEEING it helps release you from thinking that any quick contact must be super keen (don't read too much into it) or feeling obligated to take time to reply.

Enjoy it - my experience has been positive. But do be tough - with the men and with yourself!

KatharinaRosalie Mon 30-Nov-15 15:02:39

If someone has really rad your profile and sent a longish, personalised email then no harm in replying with some of the messages as suggested above.

But any kind of one-liner 'how's it going sexy' or copy-pasted letters sent to all women on the site should be ignored.

KatharinaRosalie Mon 30-Nov-15 15:02:53

read not red

Frostycake Mon 30-Nov-15 15:07:50

How can you tell if a letter is copy and pasted? If it doesn't relate to you at all or is there a format that you get used to seeing? I'm thinking of dabbling in OLD soon so want to refresh my memory of the horrors

LilaTheTiger Mon 30-Nov-15 15:10:35

Having dabbled in on line dating before accidentally meeting DP elsewhere, I liked the suggestion to ask for a potential date to tell you their favourite book in their correspondence.

Also, you can tell if they are literate wink

Cabrinha Mon 30-Nov-15 15:12:20

In my case, it was because the same guy sent an identical (short) mail 12 months apart. So it was clearly his opening line(s).

So many people don't reply, or reply politely but aren't interested, that I have no problem with a man playing the numbers game. I never wrote someone off for a short message.

But one of my personal 'rules' was that the message had to say SOMETHING to show they'd skimmed my profile and had a reason to pick me.

Currently successful chap said little more than "OK, I'm outside your age range (just) but I can't not try when you like (xyz from profile)"

I don't need a long message, just a sign they've made an active choice, that I actually caught their eye!

KatharinaRosalie Mon 30-Nov-15 15:14:12

One obvious sign is if your friends on the same site got the exact same one grin

But you kind of develop a nose for it. They are usually long, only about the guy, what he likes and doesn't like. Some ask a question about you as well, but they are also really general, 'and do you have any hobbies?' type and clearly they have not read anything you wrote in the profile.

WishItWasSunday Mon 30-Nov-15 15:21:10

I'm on Match atm, but think I'll give it up for a while. I only seem to get blokes 10+ years older. One nice sounding guy sent me a very long email saying he knew he was "slightly" outside the age bracket I'd asked for (24 years older than me!) but thought I should give him a go because he "didn't get all his sex moves from porn sites". OP I ignored him.
There's another one who has sent me 14 winks, 3 emails saying "Hi", and is forever looking at my profile, but didn't answer the one email I sent to him. You can ignore whoever you want. I'm very polite in RL but you need rhino skin and a brisk, no-nonsense mentality for OLD.

Mrswinkler Tue 01-Dec-15 05:51:10

Looks like I'm going to have some good stories to entertain my friends with if nothing else!

MrsTrentReznor Tue 01-Dec-15 06:10:32

Boring story here!
Got together with my first match online date! We've been together 5 years. grin
Not so boring part...
He never went home after that first date. wink

lubeybooby Tue 01-Dec-15 06:35:35

I stopped sending thanks but no thanks messages... I often got questioned as to why and then they'd message again asking for another chance or saying I'd got whatever i thought wrong and well it's just too awkward and time consuming. Some moan about it but it's a damned whether you do or don't thing so may as well save yourself the time and effort.

I actually started blocking the ones I wasn't interested in just to keep them out my way. I was pretty ruthless in my search grin

Tearsoffrustration Tue 01-Dec-15 06:55:40

I igorned the ones I didn't like, the ones that were copy & paste and the ones that had terrible spelling and grammar!

I met my BF on there in April grin good luck OP!

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