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(5 Posts)
Timesofneed Mon 30-Nov-15 12:30:20

Need some advice and apologies if wrong section. On googling mumsnet gambling issues most replies were here.

I have just found out my brother has been gambling, brought on by depression/anxiety during a break up/tough time in life in between a job. Depression sadly runs in the family and we all suffer (both parents medicated). I asked him how he was emotionally which is when he broke down and told me the following:

Anyway. I want to help. He was distraught and has told no one except the doctor and a new girlfriend.

He has spent his entire inheritance upwards of £15k. He is greatly remorseful and says he will never be so stupid again, I've never seen him cry. He is under 25 he has a good job but it is lowly paid for London and he struggles. I made him tell me what else he owes (a credit card) and have offered to pay this off for him (being repaid in the future) with the condition he goes to the bank today and closes the account and we cut the cars up together. He's agreed to sit down with me and budget all his finances, any more money he earns is to be locked away in an ISA (he's done this himself after the initial large gamble)
Or be handed to me to safe guard (I'm very trustworthy).

I am in such shock. He himself is too. Do I need to get him to see a doctor/gambling advice. Anything?

I just need some advice on how to help. He hasn't and won't for now be telling our parents. They will be distraught.

NoodleNuts Mon 30-Nov-15 12:58:55

I would definitely get him some help, Gamblers Anonymous or something.

Whilst you are willing to help him, he really needs to want to help himself. A relative has recently gone through this, he even took an overdose. Other family members lent him the money to repay his debts, went through a budget with him, worked out how much he had spent gambling in the past to shock him etc etc.

He said that he didn't need to go to GA, he had learned his lesson and wouldn't do it again. Short story is that he is now gambling again, hasn't paid any of the loan back and is back to getting pay day loans to fund his habit.

So help him as much as you can and make him get external help as well.

Cabrinha Mon 30-Nov-15 13:20:35

You're lovely to be so supportive.
But - sorry - you absolutely should not be paying off the credit card for him.
He needs hell with the depression and gambling.
Great to help him budget, but that budget needs to include paying off his own debts.

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 30-Nov-15 13:44:44

You are a kind and considerate sister to him but helping him is not a path I would at all urge you to go down. He will simply drag you down with him and your own self will impede his recovery. He has to want to seek help for his own self, you cannot at all do that for him.

Tough love is a policy you must yourself adopt here.

He has to face the consequences for his actions. Paying off his credit card debt is enabling him and only gives you a false sense of control. You must not bail him out. If you really do want to help him you will not do that for him either, that action really does not help him. Nor does cutting up bank cards, he could easily get more. He needs to sit down in front of a financial advisor as well and not just yourself either.

He needs to address exactly why he has the need to gamble to excess in the first place and that is where GA comes in. Unless he wants to do that there is nothing else you can do to help him.

BMW6 Mon 30-Nov-15 20:44:00

I agree with previous posters. To help him, you must let him sort himself out financially. He should join Gamblers Anonymous, see GP for treatment for the depression. Of course you should encourage him and support him emotionally, but not financially.

The chances are he will gamble again - it's addictive.

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