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Sleeping cuddled up is giving me nightmares. What can I do?

(19 Posts)
PolkadotsAndMoonbeams Mon 30-Nov-15 01:19:06

So, I have a new-ish boyfriend and it's at the stage where we're occasionally staying the night at each other's houses, and sleep in the same bed.

We usually fall asleep snuggled up, which is lovely. However, we then stay like that and it's a bit of a problem... Basically, if I get too hot while I'm asleep I tend to have nightmares.

So, pretty much every time we've shared a bed I've had bad dreams - he's actually woken me up because I was whimpering and obviously unhappy. Other times I've jerked awake all panicky which has woken him (I think in some of the dreams I've felt trapped, which obviously doesn't help when I wake up and he's holding me so I can't move much...).

Do you think this might get better if we stay together more? If so I'll just put up with it for a bit longer, but I don't want to wake him up all the time and it's not much fun for me either! He's mentioned that he really loves sleepy cuddling though, so I feel bad saying anything. Especially as it seems a bit like I'm blaming him for my dreams!

Any bright ideas how to mention it in a nice way? Or should I hope I get used to it? It's never been a problem before, so I don't know what to do! I think I might try thinner pyjamas next time and see if that helps...

HirplesWithHaggis Mon 30-Nov-15 01:29:11

You're both being woken when you fall asleep wrapped in his arms. Could you try moving apart when you're at the "just drifting off" stage? I found it comforting to still have some bodily contact, like my foot touching his leg, but it wasn't as overwhelming as full snuggles.

If he really wants/needs/likes sleepy cuddling, you could introduce a soft toy wearing your perfume, to be stuffed in the top of the bed. grin

Or you could try having a cooler bedroom? Open windows (don't know how feasible this would be) or switch off central heating in that room.

OhBeloved Mon 30-Nov-15 01:30:54

Just say you're too hot! Get a thinner duvet, turn off the radiator in the bedroom, leave a window slightly open.

spondulix Mon 30-Nov-15 02:45:22

Why don't you feel like you can mention it? You say that he likes sleepy cuddles - but what about what YOU like? I'm sure he wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable at his expense.

Dunno what you were taught OP but if it was that a man's needs come before your own you need to change your mindset.

GeorgiaT2468 Mon 30-Nov-15 02:55:21

Start as you mean to go on.. Tell the truth.

Nothing to be ashamed of, simple fact is you get to hot and it causes you to have nightmares when your over heated.

Cuddle up and use same advice as above to keep room cooler, try cuddling into him from behind and let him hold your arm/hand or whatever then you can let go and change position on your own terms xx

ThisIsStillFolkGirl Mon 30-Nov-15 05:16:01

Oh for goodness sake, you're an adult, he's an adult. Just tell him.

This really is a 'problem' that could have been solved in less time than it took to statt the thread!

DoreenLethal Mon 30-Nov-15 07:15:27

Get up to use the loo, get back in, kiss him goodnight and get settled. When he comes in for cuddles, tell him that it too hot for you and gives you nightmares. Why would you be scared of telling him the truth? You are just setting yourself up for the dynamic of the relationship if you start modifying your behaviour to please him all the time.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks Mon 30-Nov-15 08:14:09

"Any bright ideas how to mention it in a nice way?"

Something like "I love falling asleep cuddled up but then I get too hot which gives me nightmares, so I just want to cuddle for a while then seperate before falling asleep".
Polkadots, this isn't something you should be stressing over. What's worrying you about talking to him about it?

KaluzaKlein Mon 30-Nov-15 09:13:21

Really you shouldn't be stressed about telling him. Lots of people need to retreat to their own side of the bed to get a good nights rest.
My dh and I make a joke of it, love to cuddle (or warm up my ice block feet on him) but then he thinks it's funny that I reach the 'enough' point and roll over.

You just keep it lighthearted, tell him you love cuddling but that you need to sleep on your own side.
Are you worried he'll take it badly? That would be quite an offputting thing if he did

Seeyounearertime Mon 30-Nov-15 09:20:17

This thread reminds me of a scene in Friends, I think it was Ross explaining the 'Hug and Roll' grin

Cuddle and Hug, gently roll away before falling asleep. My GF and i seem to sleep back to back most nights with just our bums touching.
I think it's nice and nothing to do with fat bums. smile

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams Mon 30-Nov-15 10:20:07

Oh no, I don't think he'll take it badly - he's lovely.

It's just that this is the first time I've slept with somebody (late starter... so although technically we are both adults, in terms of experience I'm probably about 16!).

I'm enjoying it but I don't really know what I'm doing! I didn't really know whether it was normal to sleep cuddled together or not - the first time we shared a bed he pulled me towards him and curled up around me and we talked for a bit, then went to sleep, so I presume it's what he's done before.

Having said that, obviously it's no good if it's giving me nightmares, so I'll say something. My room is quite cool already, but his is usually warm. I'll mention it next time, but I like the idea of cuddling into his back, or just keeping a little bit connected - I'll definitely try that. Thank you smile

GeorgiaT2468 Mon 30-Nov-15 10:40:24

Bless ya.

It's all a learning curve. We all have to start a new experience at some point xxxx

ToastyFingers Mon 30-Nov-15 11:29:29

Why don't you be the big/outside spoon, then you can move away once he's sleeping.

KaluzaKlein Mon 30-Nov-15 11:40:01

If he's lovely then the conversation goes..keep it lightheatrted.

Cuddle.. ' Right, lovely as this is, you're like a flipping radiator so I'm going to roll over back to my side. Don't worry, I'll be back if my feet get cold.'

Smooch, roll, sleep. Roll back in in the morning for more smooching.

You can also get duvets with two different togs in them - they are ace.

Jibberjabberjooo Mon 30-Nov-15 11:51:06

Just tell him. If it helps dh and I can't stand sleeping near each other, we like our space! Cuddle then move over to sleep, perfect.

OnADarkDesertHighway Mon 30-Nov-15 14:04:16

I had spent the night with blokes before but it weren't on a constant basis until DP.

We always snuggle up together and I found it hard to get to sleep to begin with. Used to it now and I love it but adjusting did take me a while.

You could try sleeping with your back to him but with one of his arms around your waist. You will still have intimacy but it will not be so hot for you and may aid your sleep.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks Mon 30-Nov-15 15:02:35

"I didn't really know whether it was normal to sleep cuddled together or not"

It's normal for some people, not for others. Personally I don't like it because I feel smothered and I get fidgety. Also I can't stand feeling someone breath on me, it's like waiting for the next drip of a dripping tap. So I cuddle then roll over to sleep and cuddle when we wake up.

WishItWasSunday Mon 30-Nov-15 15:26:49

I can't sleep touching anyone, it just makes me wake up with a start feeling disorientated. All my previous partners have accepted it and not taken it personally. A cuddle before sleep then I'd turn over and into a ball. Don't be worrying about these sort of things unless he gets offended, which would be weird.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl Mon 30-Nov-15 18:43:43

I didn't really know whether it was normal to sleep cuddled together or not

Not it's not normal! It's horrible and hot. It's for crazy folks and lizards. I can't bear touching anyone while I'm in bed. Or them getting too close to my pillow...

What's normal for you is what's normal.

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