Does a man have to be unhappily married to cheat on his wife? Or is it possible a man has been married a long time and maybe it's not that exciting anymore but he's basically happy and thinks he'll get away with it.
It's a year next week I ended my marriage after discovering my husband was having an affair. I'm feeling a bit reflective at the moment probably because of the upcoming date and because a few things have been said recently.
When he was trying to persuade me to give him another chance he said he was happy with me. He excused his cheating by saying it didn't mean anything and he didn't think I would find out. He said he was frustrated by our infrequent sex life and he liked the attention he got elsewhere. He insisted he loved me, never meant to hurt me and didn't want to leave.
Now he's all loved up with the OW and says if he had hindsight he would have left. He stayed because we had commitments together. He said he wasn't honest with me and told me what I wanted to hear. He said he stuck at it because of our children and for financial reasons but there were a lot of reasons he wasn't happy. Apart from our sex life and lack of attention I nagged him too much. We had different views on things and weren't well suited in many ways, I wasn't exciting enough. We didn't have that much in common, I wasn't interested in what he was doing and we led fairly separate lives. I didn't make him feel wanted, I didn't share his interests. I talked about the children all the time and didn't make enough time for him. I didn't show him affection and there was no passion in our marriage anymore.
He said being with OW and getting all of that from her has made him realise how our marriage should have been but hadn't been for a long time. He said he had forgotten what it was like to miss your partner when you were apart.
It suited me to believe my husband had been happy with me despite his cheating. That he was just incredibly selfish and entitled and thought he would get away with it.
However, I know I would never have cheated on him. Leaving aside marriage vows and the children I could never have cheated because I was happy with him. I can't fathom how you can cheat on someone you are happy with. I could maybe understand a one night stand if drunk and full of regret the next day but not an affair.
For context and to not drip feed it turned out my now ex-husband had cheated on me for over twenty years with various women which I was oblivious too. He'd also cheated on his first wife which he'd lied to me about.
I'm thinking that rather than it just being a case of re-writing history my ex-husband wasn't actually happy because I just can't comprehend doing what he did if he had been happy with me.
I know everyone is different and women cheat too so I'm not generalising. I'd just like a bit of insight to see if people think there is a link between unhappiness and cheating or not.
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Relationships
Do men cheat because they can or because they're unhappily married
iwashappy · 29/11/2015 16:30
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