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My sons girlfriend is a problem!!!!!

(621 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

worriedgran57 Sat 28-Nov-15 22:46:02

This is my first time on mumsnet so I hope I am doing it properly!! Hope you don't mind a gran asking for advice!

My son is with a girlfriend who is 17. She fell pregnant right before she was 16!! They had only been together 6 months. My son was just finishing his A levels and it was a very worrying time. He is a very smart boy, his IQ is very high and we were hoping he would go to Oxford or Cambridge.

He didn't do well in his exams. Studying went to pot, because he was of course so worried about his girlfriend!

Now I know she is still young, but she is very manipulative. She told my son she had problems with her period, so he thought she couldn't get pregnant...clearly that wasn't the case!

Since the baby (a little boy) came along, my son has had to resit some exams. He has been so stressed at the behaviour of this girl. She seems to want him to get a job, but in the long run going to university would be a better option. I told him that he needn't think he will be playing happy families with his girldfriend and the baby because he has his education to think of....he is only a boy. They are both too young to set up home together!

I also have a 14 year old daughter and I don't think this girl is a good influence....she used to go out with her friends a lot before the baby was born,sometimes not coming home until 11pm at night....she invited my daughter out a few times but I didn't allow's not so much the girl herself, it's her friends I am worried about!

This girl has been allowed to do whatever she wants...taking the train to the city for the day. staying out, going on holiday with people her parents barely know....

She isn't a bad mother but she is careless...last month she took the baby out a 2 mile walk in the pram with only a coat and a thin blanket on. She takes him miles away on the bus, he sleeps in her bed....I know they are just little things but he has no routine or stability in my opinion

She is rude about our house...we have 6 cats and 3 dogs and she told my son she didn't want to let the baby sleep in his cot in the living room because she felt he was unsafe near the animals! My animals would never hurt anyone, they are rescues and very gentle and timid....she thinks our house is dirty. OK it might smell a bit catty but it is not dirty! She also refused to sit in the living room with the baby when my husband was watching TV, she said the show was too violent...

I don't feel comfortable in my own home when she visits with the baby, I have got into the habit of taking my daughter out and going to do the weekly shop when she comes round on a Saturday.

I try to be involved with my grandson but she makes it awkward. First she doesn't let him sleep in our living room, but then she suggests going for a coffee with my son, and wants me to babysit??? I told my son that we aren't there to babysit just so they can have fun.That is not what being a parent is about!

I just don't know what to do...I wish my son wasn't in this position. He is still very immature for his age. I think it's all too much for him to cope with. When his girlfriend was pregnant, I asked the school to let all his teachers know the situation, so they would be aware of the stress he was under when he was doing his exams/...but they said they couldnt because the girl was at the same school and she was their priority....I feel like my son has been overlooked from day one, but he needed just as much help!

Where do we go next?

Blueprintorange Sat 28-Nov-15 22:47:55

Is this a reverse?

LizKeen Sat 28-Nov-15 22:48:58

I thought the same Blue.

annandale Sat 28-Nov-15 22:48:55

I'd put out a big bowl of condoms and ask them to make plans to get their own place.

worriedgran57 Sat 28-Nov-15 22:48:57

What is a reverse Blueprintorange??

LaurieFairyCake Sat 28-Nov-15 22:49:37

Why is your post all about a 15 year old girl who was made pregnant by a much older boy? 18?

Why is she manipulative? hmm

And he bears no responsibility.???

I think you'd be better placed encouraging him to get a job and support his family. And yes, babysitting and doing as much as you can to help.

GiddyOnZackHunt Sat 28-Nov-15 22:49:39

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

timelytess Sat 28-Nov-15 22:50:05


janethegirl2 Sat 28-Nov-15 22:50:12

If your ds is old enough to get a girl pregnant he should support the girl and babe. End of!

x2boys Sat 28-Nov-15 22:50:33

if this is true wether you ant him to be or not he is a father and needs to do all he can to support his child.

MumCodes Sat 28-Nov-15 22:51:10


worriedgran57 Sat 28-Nov-15 22:50:50

Hi Annadale thanks for replying. I don't think the condoms would helpmuch now!! :D I don't want them to get their own place, they have no money and are far too young, it would end in tears!

dementedpixie Sat 28-Nov-15 22:51:11

You seem to be blaming her for everything, it takes two to make a baby you know! You don't sound like you like her very much either.

PacificDogwod Sat 28-Nov-15 22:51:35

Oh, my <helpful>

Yes, the little family need to make plans for a house of their own.

LizKeen Sat 28-Nov-15 22:51:49

Everything Laurie said.

Plus, no baby of mine would be sleeping in a living room with 6 cats and 3 dogs. I don't care how bloody timid they are, they are animals, and therefore they cannot be trusted around a baby. Not to mention the hair, and the smell.

Bunbaker Sat 28-Nov-15 22:52:16

Nobody is stupid enough to think that leaving a baby alone in a room with three rescue dogs and six cats is a good idea, surely?

This must be a reverse.

YooHoo2 Sat 28-Nov-15 22:52:48

what is with all the !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you seemed so shocked a bloke without a condom got a girl pregnant.
Did you teach him the birds and the bees??

PacificDogwod Sat 28-Nov-15 22:52:55

And what janet said, with bells on.

MaryMotherOfCheeses Sat 28-Nov-15 22:52:46

In terms of "where do we go next" I think it should be "where does your son want to go next".

It is a huge amount for him to cope with but you haven't indicated what he wants.

hugoagogo Sat 28-Nov-15 22:52:59

No words

janethegirl2 Sat 28-Nov-15 22:53:30

The son should have thought about the consequences of unprotected sex.
He didn't. He needs to get a job and support his girl friend and child.
Uni is a cop out.

worriedgran57 Sat 28-Nov-15 22:53:05

Lauriefairycake I have said he should get a part timejob he can do with his studies! She wants him to work full time, I know they have a baby but that doesn't mean giving up on education! She is planning on university herself!

Also they were both stupid, but my son thought she couldn't get pregnant!

dementedpixie Sat 28-Nov-15 22:53:17

What exactly do you want then?

U2HasTheEdge Sat 28-Nov-15 22:54:03

Big sigh here too

Last month was quite warm. A coat and blanket is fine.

Your son got her pregnant, he needs to step up. Shame about his studies but hey, he made his bed and all that.

What is he doing getting a 15 year old pregnant?

CheekyMaleekey Sat 28-Nov-15 22:54:14

The baby is just as much his responsibility as hers.

He was a man and got a child pregnant. He is the manipulative one.

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