Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

What next for guys who will do anything for sex

(33 Posts)
Reese123 Sat 28-Nov-15 21:53:04

I was just wondering what happens to those guys who do anything for the next shag, including shamelessly lying to their partners in order for the thrill of more sex???

Anyone know anyone like this and what happened to them - did they eventually settle down?

FriendofBill Sat 28-Nov-15 22:00:20

They join dating sites.

Garlick Sat 28-Nov-15 22:00:57

Unfaithful XH1 apparently tells mutual friends he ran out of energy for all that some time in his forties. He'd already been married for ten years by then, so presumably he'd been cheating on her all that time. I doubt he's completely packed it in, though.

Married men my age (ancient!) still try it on sometimes; I don't think they change much. Pretty sure women who shag around stay the same, too.

Garlick Sat 28-Nov-15 22:01:20

Indeed they do, Bill grin

TokenGinger Sat 28-Nov-15 22:08:10

The guy I've been with for a year seemed to just chase skirt all of the time. It's like it what a game. He's told me with people he's previously been seeing, he's had open relationships because all he cared about was sex. He said since he's started to want children and family life, that's changed and although he may look at women and admire them, he doesn't desire sex from them, he desires a family.

So in answer to your question, yes I know somebody who used to be like that and he's settled down, and the reason being is that he met somebody with whom he wants to start a family which is his priority now over chasing skirt. and I guess having regular and fulfilling sex at home means that that's the sex he craves.

Some people may say that men and women like that can never change, but in my experience, it's an age thing. My female friend used to sleep with different guys every weekend, but she hit 25 and it was like a switch flicked; she just wanted to settle down, love and be loved and she's achieved that.

Frostycake Sat 28-Nov-15 22:08:28

I know a few. Reasons given:

1. "I feel like the Duracell Bunny about to run out."
2. "There's nobody worth shagging around here."
3. "Women are frigid/no fun anymore."

So a combination of being too tired (unsurprisingly) and women not falling for thier charms any more!

Gladysandtheflathamsandwich Sat 28-Nov-15 22:12:49

TokenGinger

Sorry but I think that you have been totally taken in by him.

Come back in ten years with a blissfully happy marriage and kids, and I will buy you a drink by way of an apology.

Fintan Sat 28-Nov-15 22:15:18

I know a man like this. Not romantically involved.
He's 50 very soon and he's rather a sad figure now but he still goes out looking for, and finding, women for a one night stand every weekend.
He's cheated on all of his partners, including his wife when he was married.
He has a very empty existence, but it's hard to feel sorry for him.
His father was just the same, lying, cheating and looking for casual sex, right up until when he died at 73.

Garlick Sat 28-Nov-15 22:28:52

Yes ... wanting a family & being a player are not mutually exclusive.

I'm lining up at the bar with Gladys, I'm afraid, Ginger.

TokenGinger Sun 29-Nov-15 14:59:16

Gladys - I can see why you'd think that and I respect you opinion. I may be fooled, I may be bein foolish, but it feels right and I feel it's not necessary to judge his commitment to me based on him having had frequent sex when not in a relationship prior to meeting me.

I guess there's no written rule. My gut instinct may be right, or yours might be. There's no way to predict, I guess x

KeepOnMoving1 Sun 29-Nov-15 15:45:15

I must say I agree with Gladys too. It's plain as day the type he is. Sorry Token.

In answer to the op, I do think men like those are a certain type. They just give off this sleaziness.

AnyFucker Sun 29-Nov-15 15:51:46

Oh dear Ginger

You ate going to have to "perform" (what he judges as) "fulfilling sex" for him constantly

Whether you are ill, not feeling it, exhausted after childbirth, run down with wife work and childcare or not

Good luck with that sad

rockabillyruby82 Sun 29-Nov-15 16:01:14

Yup TokenGinger sorry to burst your bubble but 1 year and you think he's changed/committed?
My STBXH slept around before we met. Said after 2 dates he felt I was the one he wanted to settle down with, we married, had a child and tried for second. 4 years into marriage he has an affair (whilst I was pregnant)
I firmly believe he never changed, he had unrealistic expectations of what our sex life should've been like after marriage and children and looked elsewhere for what he wanted.
There are personality traits he has that are clearly narcissistic and he will always be like it.
I'm not saying your OH is the same, maybe he has changed but a year of commitment is nowhere near long enough to prove that change.

Garlick Sun 29-Nov-15 17:18:41

I'm uncomfortable with my statement about "women who shag around". I want to clarify that anyone of any sex/gender has the right to shag around as much as they like when single grin And there's no reason to assume an enthusiastic multi-shagger won't become monogamous when conditions are right.

I'm drawing a distinction between reasonable promiscuous behaviour and the kind of predatory approach implied by "do anything for the next shag, including shamelessly lying to their partners" and "like it was a game". Individuals who see the opposite sex as prey or toys - things for their use and consumption - don't really alter this view throughout life. They might modify their means of hunting/playing/abusing other people, but don't suddenly develop the ability to relate as equals.

IamlovedbyG Sun 29-Nov-15 17:27:03

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

EllieJayJay Sun 29-Nov-15 17:35:31

Agree with Iam, I've known girls like this, one was always with a different bloke and looking for her next shag, had open relationships and then one day met her now husband and never looked anywhere else again - so it is possible and hope you will be very happy together ginger.

But that said I know a bloke like this and he shags around all the time even when he has had lovely girlfriends... He will always be a dirt bag!

timelytess Sun 29-Nov-15 17:40:55

I know one, he's 59. The best outcome I can picture for him is that he stays with his wife, she never finds out, no-one gets ill and he settles down eventually. If that doesn't happen he'll settle with some rough woman and think he's done badly. Or find a nice woman of the kind he likes and keep her in ignorance of who he has been.

TokenGinger Sun 29-Nov-15 17:47:15

Thank you, Iam and Ellie.

I believe it's unfair to judge a person by their actions when single. I trust him and I feel no threat or worry that he'd hurt me and that's enough for me.

Gladysandtheflathamsandwich Sun 29-Nov-15 17:54:22

Take no notice token. Some people can't stand to see others happy.

You couldnt be more wrong.

What I cant stand is watching someone make the same mistake I did.

UptownFunk00 Sun 29-Nov-15 17:58:15

I've known a fair few.

Most of them have stayed players into their 30s now even with a partner and children.

Sex pests rarely change.

AnyFucker Sun 29-Nov-15 17:59:15

Ginger...he may be the most faithful man in the world now he has met you. I hope he is

What I was reacting to is your blind belief that he won't look elsewhere because now he "has fulfilling sex at home so won't need to"

He has probably had "fulfilling dex" before. He cheated because he felt like it. In your shoes, I would be wondering what was different about me and not relying on some mystical "fulfillment" he says he is getting

That kind of satisfaction comes from within...it cannot be supplied by another. Many, many people have come an almighty cropper to that kind of magical thinking.

HustleRussell Sun 29-Nov-15 18:00:30

I know a few who view people like cars. Constantly trading and trying new models. Their view us that there is no one car that can do it all and no matter how good it is, you soon get used to it so crave something different. Even if it is worse.

Gladysandtheflathamsandwich Sun 29-Nov-15 18:07:47

I agree with AF.

When you base your relationship on making sure no one needs to cheat, you are going tohave times when you are at risk. Illness, pregnancy, medication, depression, all these things can cause a libido to fall. Surgery, injury etc can take sex off the menu completely. And then what?

By your own standards he would then have a "need" to cheat, so would it be justified?

I made this mistake. What I learned is that sex has nothing whatsoever to do with faithfulness. What makes a person faithful is respect, love, a will to be 100% true to one person. They could be getting the best sex ever, day in day out, but if they dont have those basics in their heart, then they will never be faithful.

I am not saying he will cheat, I am saying that dont assume he wont because your providing what you think a cheater wants. I did and paid the price.

Gladysandtheflathamsandwich Sun 29-Nov-15 18:08:39

your/you're...

EllieJayJay Sun 29-Nov-15 18:09:18

Good for you Ginger! No one here knows your partner so if your happy and he's never given you a reason not to trust him then no-one else should be judging. It's sad others have been cheated on but doesn't mean your DP will X

Some people like sex, have lots of sex with different people and then fall in love and are happy with that one person smile some are dirt bags and always will be dirt bags and it's as simple as that.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now