"You can do what you want when I'm at work"

[Demanmodnar]

Regular poster, I've name changed for this.

So the OH gets home after work. Plonks themselves on the sofa and doesn't move. Sits playing with tablet and phone and controls the television.
When I say how come they get to do what you want all night, they say,
"You get to do what you want when I'm at work"

Bearing in mind when they're at work I'm parenting a 3 year old, washing, cleaning, cooking tea, shopping, sorting Xmas, etc.

Should I put my boot up their bottom?

[OnceAMeerNotAlwaysAMeer]

Yes.

[TenThousandSpoons]

Yes 👢

[OnceAMeerNotAlwaysAMeer]

parenting is supposed to be a partnership, including the one who goes to work; and one person being at home does not mean the other can be a selfish shit.

[Fratelli]

Ohh that would anger me! Both parents should have equal leisure time!

[Demanmodnar]

I spared the boot and said fine, tomorrow I'm off out for the day and you can look after your child.

I think that's fair.

[WildStallions]

Is your 3 year old particularly challenging?

If you get no down time during the day parenting ONE child you're doing something wrong.

[Bigpants4]

Report back!

[OnceAMeerNotAlwaysAMeer]

depends on the child. Our first was laid back. the second? omg. no downtime at all.

[Wolfiefan]

You both need time to relax in the evening. DH would do bath and I did stories.
It's called both being parents.
Leave him with 3 year old for the weekend. Come back on Sunday night and say you can watch a box set as he's done what he wanted all day!

[OnceAMeerNotAlwaysAMeer]

whatever the temperament, they made the child together. A good dad takes the effort to help with the baby. You need a break after a non stop day with him/her and the child needs time from his dad as well as his mum

[Theimpossiblegirl]

That's a bit harsh Wildchild. The OP clearly said as well as parenting she is doing the washing, cleaning, cooking tea, shopping, sorting Xmas, etc. It's not about doing something wrong, it's about not having to do it all alone.

I agree that it's very unfair of the working parent to expect to do nothing at all in the home, either with the children or around the house.

Enjoy your day off, OP.

[Demanmodnar]

My DC wants playing with all the time, no naps either to recharge, I liken them to the old Duracell bunny.

Any downtime I may get, if they play upstairs for a while, I use that to hoover whilst theyre out the way.

[Bigpants4]

Eat out, cinema, nice walk, see friends, shop. Don't go home till well after bedtime

[NewLife4Me]

It's not just that though. Unless you use childcare you don't get to do what you want during the day.
You can't go out with friends if they are at work, you can't just leave a child.
Some things you need to do when it's convenient not just because you have free time.
Both partners need leisure time, it's important for your health too.

[mybloodykitchen]

doing something wrong

That's you told op :)

[WorraLiberty]

I think she needs to realise that you're both entitled to your own leisure time.

[HealthyElf]

Have a spa day. That'll teach him

[IreallyKNOWiamright]

I had this with dh for a couple of years. It was his way of dealing with stress I think but it did have a huge affect on the relationship and made me suspicious. I think your dh needs to accept he has responsibility -I would start by not doing his washing for few days if you can't talk reasonably about what chores to share...

[WorraLiberty]

Why is everyone saying 'him' when the OP went to great lengths to keep the DP's gender out of it?

That normally means they're female.

Not that it matters mind.

[HealthyElf]

Tell your non gender specific partner to grow a pair

[MissFitt68]

What's the issue with your partner sitting down on iPad/watching tv? What do you expect them to do?

[Demanmodnar]

My non gender specific partner is sorry and has now agreed to get my non gender specifoc child ready for bed and read my non gender specific child stories every night they're not working!
I'd say, if they keep it up, that's a result. Why they weren't anyway I don't actually know, I've just sort of automatically done it.

They still want the TV at night though, but that's okay because I don't really watch it, its just sort of on.

Also, inspired by MN a Spa Day is what I've asked for for Xmas at here:
www.hoarcross.co.uk/spa/days

[Demanmodnar]

MissFitt68

The tablet thing is only an isue when i speak to the and get monosyllabic answers because its going in one ear and out the other.
Then tomorrow I'll refer back to something I said and they'll have no memory of it.

[NorksAreMessy]

I went there for my 40th...it was FAB

[OnceAMeerNotAlwaysAMeer]

very glad to hear your ngspartner is stepping up a bit :D

it's fair to ask h/s/herm/it to help out with cleaning sometimes too, and shopping etc. You (he/she/herm/it) are looking after your mini he/she/herm/it but running a house with a Duracell toddler around is bloody hard work anyway.