Dp (only hes not the dear) has left me once again i cant count on both hands and feet the amount if times over the last 6yrs that hes done this to me and dc. Hes a dick i know hes a dick but he says im the one to blame.
Our relationship was great or so i thought at first looking back there was massive red flags but i was so desperate to be loved i ignored them. Him controlling me i saw as keeping me safe him getting angry about my friends so i ditched them. Him treating me was great and i felt special only he took things back when we argued. At first it was just arguments then he would ignore me and not take my calls. I begged and pleaded with him!!! I was so desperate to be loved ( i had already been in one abusive relationship i wanted this time to be different)
Then he started ragging me with my hair or the scruff of my neck pushing me so hard he also threw things at me broke things in my home. He also hit me not punches but slaps and back hands my nose got bust and he used to stick his thumbs in my eyes so badly my eyeball got a bleed in it. There were names called at me. He cheated. He threatened and once took our ds for 3days i didnt know where they went. He blamed me for all of the above apparently i wind him up.
I cant have opinion, i cant get a job but then im lazy cos i dont work like him. Im not good enough i dont smile i cant have a laugh or joke. Ive let myself go ive put weight on.
I ashamed to say my relationship with my dcs is being affected cos my head is always hurting my stomache is in a constant knot. Im treading on eggshells and so are my dc they shouldnt be.
I need to keep him away for good, but i have no one else at all. I mean i do have family but its not a great relationship due to the above. 😢
Its all wrong (sorry i didnt realise i had that much to say)
I think you should get out of this relationship asap. Its all wrong - totally wrong. Go back to your family - they may well have seen all this happening, and be there for you. You don't know until you ask.
You can't continue like this, and you cannot put your DCs through it either.
Im already seeing the doctor im on a long waiting list for counciling. Only thing is i havent been entirley truthful with dr (stupid i know) ive told dr nothing about exp just that im feeling anxious and stressed due to overthinking.
I am stressed and anxious i have panic attacks all through exp.
If we go on a day trip im stressed that i might have forgot something. I clean and tidy the house to the point where my hands are cracking and dry.
Okay. I think you would really benefit from talking to someone at Women's Aid. They will help you with the practical side of what to do to keep him out, and the emotional side as well so you don't feel tempted to let him back in.
Your parents and/or siblings - would they be supportive if you told them of the violence, or would they react negatively and say you should put up with it?
I think it's really important that you have some people around you in RL who know the full situation and can help you keep strong when he comes back and starts messing with your head again.