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My hearts breaking

(16 Posts)
Feellikeafoolinlove Sat 28-Nov-15 15:30:16

Hi all I'm not sure where to start really but I'm looking for some words of advice and handing really. My dp and I broke up 3 months ago he finished it in what was in hindsight an irrational temper and as a result at the time I wouldn't take him back afterwards when he realised his mistake and pleaded. During the passed months we've had constant contact instigated on both parts and seen each other a few times.
Anyway time has passed and I've had time to think and try and get over him but I just can't. I've thought about our relationship over and over and whilst there were plenty of difficult times there were also plenty of good and I realise how much we both took each other for granted and eventually wore each other out. I've been in so much pain since the split and love him so much and just want to try and work things out with him. He has previously asked me to try again and I was in such a bad place I told him I wanted to but didn't know how to make things better.
I've since had time to breath think and I've approached him but he now says he doesn't junk he wants to go back, I'm heartbroken.
He tells me he stills loves me cares for me and can stop thinking of me. Do I still pursue this as he is hesitant in case of getting hurt or am I being foolish and he just doesn't want me anymore?
My heart feels like it's literally breaking and I can think of nothing else but him. It's ridiculous! I feel like a teenager (I'm far from hmm).
Anyway I guess what I'm after is some words of advice on how to go forward. Is it worth another shot of trying to talk to him about us or do I just give up? What should my approach be? If i should just move on how do I really do this, it feels as if I've lost a limb.
Kind (but honest) replies please.

summerwinterton Sat 28-Nov-15 15:38:00

Give up I think. It all seems very cat and mouse. You don't want him he wants you, then you start begging and he says no. Why do you want someone back who dumps you in an irrational temper anyway? Don't you think you deserve better than that?

SoDiana Sat 28-Nov-15 15:39:44

He is toying with you. Have you ever seen a cat play with a mouse? They let them run away, then pounce on them again, let them run away, catch them again. Then they eat them, after they've had their fun.

He wants you to beg and plead. Then he'll let you back, then he'll tell you he only took you back because he felt sorry for you. Finish with you again and then lure you back again.

In terms of moving on? I guarantee you that there are several wiser posters than me who can help you with that.

Sorry to hear you're going through shit at the moment.

SoDiana Sat 28-Nov-15 15:40:35

snap summerwiterton with the cat and mouse!

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow Sat 28-Nov-15 15:42:03

You haven't given yourself a chance to get over him, you've been in constant contact and meeting up.

Go no contact, don't answer his calls or reply to his texts, delete him off social media. When he, predictably, gets in touch, ignore him.

summerwinterton Sat 28-Nov-15 15:42:07

ha - good cross post there. Great minds and all that

Feellikeafoolinlove Sat 28-Nov-15 16:10:49

Summer cat and mouse does sound but like what's happening tbh. But do you really give up that easily if you feel that strongly about someone?

regretsihaveafew Sat 28-Nov-15 16:47:51

It's natural after a period of calming down, to think of the good times, great memories when everything was fine. Conveniently forgetting the behaviours, the stress, the confusion, the sick feeling in the pit of your stomach, the times you couldn't sleep after a row when you knew things were going wrong....etc.

However ignore this as your peril because all you do is delay the healing process, and feel undignified/upset if the other party does not want to reconnect...and you have to start all over again to recover, to regain your self esteem and autonomy.

Alternatively you both get back together and everything is great for a while...until the reality, the personalities, the issues, the annoyances and differences come back in which they inevitably will. Honeymoons don't last.

I've done it myself a long time ago, it lasted about a week. Sometimes love isn't enough. I still love my exH, doesn't mean we could ever make it work again.

Am staying away from someone myself at the moment, someone who gets off on mind games and feeling superior....I will not feed their ego. I remember many good days and times, but also being ground down and manipulated. I'm doing fine and won't let go of the feeling of peace, relaxation and the lack of stress that I've found. Just moving on when I'm ready...on my own.

Time to be honest with ourselves, face reality and say a sad goodbye. Just my humble opinion.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl Sat 28-Nov-15 16:53:26

Yes. Give up on it.

inlectorecumbit Sat 28-Nov-15 17:45:20

You have to stop any contact with him in order to move on. He is dead to you relationship wise so treat him as such.
Block him on everything.... email, text everything.

Now when you reflect on your relationship you are remembering all the good split up for a reason-remember that

OhDearMuriel Sat 28-Nov-15 18:00:25

Honestly DO NOT chase him again now. If you chase a dog it keeps on running and running. Leave him be, and as sure as eggs are eggs, he will come back to you. Then and only then, you need to decide what YOU want to do. Good luck x

ALaughAMinute Sat 28-Nov-15 18:50:14

You would only make yourself feel worse if you asked him again and he rejected you. Don't do it.

You seem to be focusing on the good times but what about the bad times? There must be some reason you split up. Forget him.

summerwinterton Sat 28-Nov-15 19:07:50

Yes of course you give up because you are worth so much more than anything he will ever offer you.

Why would you think this is all you deserve?

Go NC and find your self esteem from somewhere.

Feellikeafoolinlove Sat 28-Nov-15 22:45:27

Thank you all for your honest replies. It's difficult to hear but maybe its true. I'm breaking inside I can't believe I'm such a mess sad

Feellikeafoolinlove Wed 02-Dec-15 22:04:22

Hi again, I've struggled on for a few days but I'm just feeling so low. I'm so lonely without dp and realize just how much I have no friends to turn to in RL. Trying to keep my mind occupied but it's really difficult. I've recently developed an illness which is causing much pain and doubling my anxiety and now I'm off work. Just feel like I've lost my way sad

rumred Wed 02-Dec-15 22:35:32

Sorry to hear you're ill, that won't help your mood. Sounds like you need to concentrate on building up your social circle and enjoying life outside of a relationship. Heartbreak still exists but other friends and interests help us all deal with the shite in life. Hope you feel better soon

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